The Retreat. Dijorn Moss
deep down inside he knew that the result made a world of difference.
Chantel placed her petite hand on top of Jamal’s stony hand. When she smiled, her cheeks looked like she had swallowed golf balls. Jamal considered it an honor to even be in her presence. Timing and guilt had so much to do with why they were not together; it had everything to do with where they were now.
She broke the seal of the envelope and removed the contents from inside. She held her breath as her almond eyes scanned the document. Chantel took in a deep breath and did not exhale as she handed the document over to Jamal. It was confirmed. The mystery had been solved, and like many mysteries, the truth left Jamal and Chantel more confused than they were before. He was not sure if ignorance was bliss, but what he was sure of was that his world would never be the same.
“Daddy.” Jamir ran from his room and sat on Jamal’s lap.
Jamal and Jamir both had bronze skin. They both had jet-black hair. Jamir was everything that Jamal desired in a son, and for Jamir he would give the world. But no matter what Jamal would sacrifice for two-year-old Jamir, he would never be his son.
“High five!” Jamal stuck his hand out.
Jamir smacked his hand with glee.
“Here you go.” Jamal gave Jamir some building blocks from a playpen near the TV.
He sat Jamir down on the carpet. Jamal sat down behind Jamir and pointed to the block he wanted him to pick up. Jamir reached for a building block and played with it. Jamal placed a kiss on top of Jamir’s head. While Jamir’s attention was on the building blocks, Jamal turned his sights toward Chantel, and followed her into the kitchen. She’d retreated to the kitchen to weep. With her back turned, Jamal approached her and wrapped his arms round her waist. Chantel turned around and embraced him. Her damp face pressed against Jamal’s beard.
“How could this happen?” Jamal whispered.
“I don’t know,” Chantel whimpered.
Jamal broke away from Chantel, but he maintained his reserved tone. “It doesn’t make sense. You were six weeks pregnant when Clay died, and you said that you two had stopped sleeping with each other two months prior.”
“That’s because he liked to sleep with any little skank who winked at him. I didn’t want to risk catching something.”
“Meanwhile, you and I continued to have sex, so you must have a messed-up calendar.”
“I didn’t, I’m sure of it.” Chantel diverted her eyes.
If Chantel was sure, then Jamal was certain that he had been kept out of the loop. Was it possible that Clay was the father? Yes, but the improbability of that scenario was what had Jamal perplexed. For two years, he’d allowed the death of Clay and the life of Jamir to blind him from seeking the truth. For two years, Jamir’s physical features favored his mother more, and Jamal could barely find anything that resembled him. Now, with so much at stake, he had to probe and get to the core of the issue. Jamal could not go into the next phase of his life with doubt.
“Let me ask you something.” Jamal paused to see Chantel’s eyes lock in with his. “You knew, didn’t you?”
Jamal watched Chantel’s eyes and saw that she did not respond in outrage, but stood there frozen, as if she was searching for a lie to tell but had drawn a blank.
“You did, didn’t you?” Her silence took the wind out of Jamal as he sat down on the chair next to the kitchen counter.
“I knew that more than likely you were not the father. That was wrong and I’d understand if you didn’t want to have anything to do with me or my son. But everything I did, whether foul or not, I did for my son.” Chantel pointed at Jamir, who was still in the next room, playing.
“I didn’t want my son to grow up hearing about his father being killed in the streets. I would rather have his father be a hardworking man of God. That’s the example I wanted for Jamir.”
Chantel was not a churchgoer, but she always respected Jamal and his faith. Despite her deception, her reasoning was well placed.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t want to hurt you. I just hoped that maybe things would work out.” In a faint voice, she added, “Why is this happening?”
Jamal clenched Chantel closer. His heart did not even register the fact that she had deceived him. He knew that deep down Chantel never wanted to hurt him. She wanted the best for her son, and because of her mistakes, Chantel did not feel worthy of love. Jamal felt that she was worthy of his love and redemption. He hoped he could squeeze all of the sorrow out of her and replace it with the love that he had for her.
It was a love too strong to ignore, but not strong enough to trump principle. There was a shortage of good women in the hood. The same could be said for men, but Jamal was certain that the woman whose arms were firmly wrapped around his shoulders was one of a kind. Jamal broke away from her grip and reached into his front jeans pocket. He removed a white envelope.
“This is for Jamir’s day care.” Jamal extended the envelope to Chantel.
“I can’t accept this.” Chantel pushed the envelope against Jamal’s chest.
Jamal did not even attempt to put the envelope back in her hands; he just laid the envelope on the white kitchen counter.
“I still want to be in Jamir’s life, and if Clay were here, I know he would want the same.”
Clay had been Jamal’s best friend, and the test results showed that Clay was probably Jamir’s father. He wished Clay were here, even if that meant things between him and Chantel would be different. The test results brought forth another frustrating matter. Jamal and Chantel would have to have a candid talk with Clay’s parents and let them know the truth.
“I can’t ask you to take on a responsibility that’s not yours,” Chantel said with her hands on her hips.
“Look, Momma!” Jamir said from the living room.
Both Jamal and Chantel turned to see that Jamir had started to put together a tower.
“That’s great, baby.” Chantel wiped more tears from her eyes.
Jamal now knew that part of his best friend lived on through his son. Maybe in Jamir, Jamal would get a second chance to right a wrong.
Sometimes God’s opportunities for redemption came in the most unique packages.
“You want some coffee?” Chantel asked.
“Sure,” Jamal accepted.
Chantel’s eyes were edged with tears. She put a teapot on the stove, then went into the cabinet next to her refrigerator and produced two fire engine red cups. Moments later she handed Jamal a cup with the steam evaporating like a snake.
“There’s something else,” Jamal said after he took a sip.
Chantel started to wipe down the counter to appear busy. She looked up to let Jamal know that he had her full attention.
“They offered me the promotion.”
Chantel gave Jamal a look like her world had just spun off of its axis. “Well that’s great, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know. It would mean that I wouldn’t be able to spend much time with Jamir.”
“Don’t throw your future away,” Chantel said as she looked at Jamir.
Jamal gazed at her profile. Her hair was in a ponytail with bangs like curly fries.
“You look—” Jamal started.
“I know.” Chantel shot Jamal a smile.
Chantel put her palm underneath her chin as her eyes rotated up and down at Jamal. He recognized that smile as utter content, but he could not find anything that she would be content about in this moment.
“What?” Jamal asked.