One Day at a Time. Trevor Hudson
people have become hooked on the Internet and on playing computer games.
You may resist the notion that you are an addict. If you do, there is a simple test to check whether you are hooked on a substance or activity. If you say to yourself, “I can handle it” or “I can do without it,” then go ahead and stop taking the substance or taking part in the activity. If you cannot, excuses or rationalizations will not change the fact that you are addicted.
Third, there is the weakness of habitual wrongdoing. Deep down we all know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. Most of us will agree that it is better to give than to steal, to build than to destroy, to be faithful than to cheat. Yet we all know how easy it is for us to get caught up in actions that we know are wrong. These ways of behaving can sometimes bring us into bondage. Although we try to break away from them, we fail repeatedly, and often end up in a place of deep guilt and shame and despair.
Fourth, there is the weakness of negative feelings. By this I mean those destructive emotions that we would like to change but cannot. It could be a continual sense of worry, an overwhelming anxiety, a deep fearfulness. Or it might be powerful feelings of anger and aggression that cause us to explode, sometimes over something small and trivial. Perhaps one of the most damaging of all our feelings is resentment. Few things injure our emotional and physical health more than this one. No wonder in AA’s Big Book, resentment emerges as one of the main sources of futility and unhappiness.
PAINFUL CONSEQUENCES
A reluctance to admit our weaknesses has several painful consequences. On the one hand, we often find ourselves living a lie. We hide behind masks of competence and self-sufficiency and pretend we are OK. We become actors in the drama of our lives, playing roles far removed from who we really are. People around us, especially those nearest and dearest to us, feel we have put up a barrier and that they cannot reach us or get close to us. This can isolate us from real contact and openness with others. Always pretending to have it together makes for lonely living, which can be very painful indeed.
On the other hand, when they are not admitted, our weaknesses can become much more destructive. When, for example, we do not acknowledge the weakness of the human will, we could become even more entangled in conflicting desires and wants. Hidden addiction increases its vicelike grip. Concealed habitual wrongdoing causes increasing havoc in our lives and relationships. Suppressed negative feelings get stronger and more oppressive. Small wonder that those in the recovery movement remind us that we are as sick as our secrets. Unacknowledged weaknesses have a scary way of gradually taking over our lives, robbing us of joy and freedom and peace of mind.
However, there can be a positive side to these painful consequences. They can make us aware that we are often powerless to change ourselves and that we do not have all the power and self-control that we once thought we did. We are not always able, in our own strength and willpower, to fix everything that is broken in our lives. We are finite human beings with definite limitations who need a power from beyond ourselves to help us live freely and fully. In the end, it is often the pain caused by our divided human will, our addictions, our habitual wrongdoing, and our negative feelings that helps us make this important discovery and finally let go of our do-it-yourself recovery attempts.
You might be on the verge of discovering this for yourself. As you look back on a string of repeated attempts to change an area of personal weakness, all your efforts may seem to have been in vain. They have not brought the freedom and happiness that you have been looking for. You can see clearly that, when it comes to this particular struggle, you are not really in control. You are at a place where you are willing to acknowledge that your life has become unmanageable. If this describes where you are right now, perhaps you are ready to take the first step.
INTO ACTION
Admitting the reality of our weaknesses is the first and most important step on the journey toward change. Without it there can be little progress. This admission includes, as we have seen, facing up to our limited ability to change ourselves. Taking this step seldom comes easily. It requires great courage, humility, and honesty. And we will most likely have to take it more than once. We may never reach a point where we can say, “All my weaknesses are now behind me. I have finally arrived.” There are always weaknesses to be admitted. If we continue to be honest and real, we will never stop growing and changing.
If you feel you are ready to take this first step, try to be as specific as you can. Naming our weakness is a powerful act. It brings hidden struggles out into the open. It opens up a little daylight between them and ourselves. It connects us with those who battle in a similar way. Most importantly, putting our personal weakness into words by naming it indicates our willingness to accept that, if we are going to change in this area, we must look to a power greater than ourselves for help.
One way of taking this first step is to copy out the following statement on a piece of paper and then to complete it by filling in our name and area of personal weakness on the underlines.
I, __________, admit that I am powerless over and that my life has become unmanageable.
Sharing this statement with a trusted friend often brings a sense of greater realism to our desire for change.
When we admit our weaknesses in this way, we discover one of the greatest secrets of the spiritual journey—that in our weakness lies our strength. This is one of the most powerful spiritual truths that we will ever discover. Rather than rejecting us because of our weaknesses, it opens the door for God to come alongside us and help us overcome what had previously defeated us. God’s strength can lead us beyond our weakness and enable us to grow spiritually strong. It is where we limp the most that we can experience the power of God. This is why, many hundreds of years ago, one well-known recovering sinner once wrote, “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. . . . For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 11:30; 12:10, NIV).
Are you willing to set out on this exciting adventure toward becoming a person who is freer, happier, and more alive? It begins when you have the courage to accept your need for change, name the weakness that constantly gets the better of you, and acknowledge that you cannot fix it in your own strength. When you take this step as fully as possible, you are ready to embark on the journey of change and spiritual growth.
TAKING IT FURTHER IN GROUP SHARING
1.Share your results from the “Quick Quiz.”
2.With which of the four categories of weakness can you identify?
3.When have you experienced God’s power in an area of personal weakness? How did this happen?
4.What is your response to the invitation to take Step One?
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