Catch Your Death. Lauren Child
After Ruby had downed some pancakes and a quarter bottle of maple syrup (maple syrup being the reason for eating the pancakes), she headed off on her bike to the oak tree on Amster Green. She climbed it swiftly and was out of sight before anyone (if anyone had actually been around) could spot her.
She and Clancy had arranged via one of their long-distance telephone calls to meet early on Saturday morning, Clancy not wanting to wait a minute longer than necessary to hear about the survival training and, more importantly, to moan about his dad.
But Clancy wasn’t there – she guessed it was too early even for him.
Ruby searched the hollow in the trunk to see if he had perhaps left a message – he had. As usual, it was folded into a complicated origami shape (this time a weasel) and written in code, a code to which only she and Clancy knew the key.
Tau bs grm pqxi ybbqd, dg wifmsz Zmggc orraleq bh – EEIMVL.*
Ruby sighed. ‘Makes me glad I don’t have a sister,’ she muttered. She looked at her watch and thought she might wait it out. Hitch’s nine-hour rescue had kicked in and she had stopped shivering. It was a nice day and she wouldn’t mind the luxury of sitting still for an hour or two. Only thing was her mind kept circling round her failure, reminding her that all was not so rosy in Ruby world.
CLANCY, MEANWHILE, was wheeling his forlorn-looking, beat-up bike to the cycle store. He was furious with Minny; it was typical of her: first total her own bike then wreck his. Can it even be fixed? he wondered. He wasn’t feeling too optimistic about the prognosis. When he was within a couple of yards of the store, he stopped.
He’d seen it in the magazines a few times, he’d heard it was coming to Twinford, the bike guy had told him about it, but he hadn’t known that it was going to be in the store this weekend.
He stood there and looked up at the poster, just taking the thing in.
‘Some beautiful machine,’ he whispered. The poster, which showed the bike in fabulous colour with arrows pointing out all its good points, was displayed large in the bike store window. In huge print the poster warned: The Windrush 2000. ONLY available while stocks last.
Clancy gazed at it for some minutes before uprooting himself from the sidewalk and pushing his way into the store. He needed to get his old bike fixed (if indeed it could be fixed), but more than that he needed to know when the Windrush 2000 was coming and just how few were being delivered. I mean just how long did Abe the bike guy think stocks would last?
‘Ah, around a few days,’ said Abe. ‘If this bike is all they say it is, then I imagine it’s going to, you know, like whizz out the store.’ He made a whizzing motion with his hand as he said this. ‘I ordered what was available, but this baby’s in demand.’ He looked at Clancy with a serious expression. ‘You know what I’m saying man? It ain’t gonna stick around.’
Clancy did know what Abe was saying and he was beginning to panic inside. As a result, he was there a lot longer than he had meant to be and once he caught the time he ran like crazy all the way to Amster Green.
‘Where’ve you been buster? I’ve been hanging around up here for about a day.’ Ruby wasn’t bothered by the waiting, the truth was she really didn’t mind waiting, but she was irked that Clancy was late for her. Clancy Crew was rarely late for anyone.
‘Ah, sorry Rube,’ called Clancy, ‘I got distracted.’
‘Well, you missed some action that’s for sure. Mrs Beesman caused a collision when she let go of her shopping cart and it spun off into the street. This cheesy-looking guy in a big white Cadillac hit a fire hydrant and he got all hot and bothered and threatened to sue her and then Marla came out of the Double Donut and started hitting him on the head with a pancake flipper. Sheriff Bridges had to come and break it up. He had the siren on and everything.’
‘I’m sorry to miss it,’ said Clancy, with genuine disappointment.
‘Yeah, well, Marla really let that guy have it. Said he deserved it for picking on a defenceless old woman.’
‘I have quibbles about the “defenceless” part, but otherwise I’m with Marla,’ said Clancy. ‘Mrs Beesman might be a little strange, but I doubt she let go her cart on purpose; it’s like her prized possession.’
‘Yeah, she’s not bothering anyone, and ever since we cleaned out her yard that time I’ve kinda had a soft spot for Mrs Beesman, you know what I mean?’
‘No,’ said Clancy, who didn’t know why anyone would have a soft spot for Mrs Beesman; personally, she scared the life out of him, not that he would wish her any harm, but he wanted to avoid her at all costs.
Mrs Beesman was reputed to have at least seventy-four cats which all lived in her small wonky house on the corner of Cedarwood Drive. She spent her days pushing a shopping cart full of cat food and listening to her transistor radio as she trundled to and from the SmartMart. She never spoke to another human soul. Mrs Beesman rarely seemed to purchase anything other than pet snacks and it was thought she too probably existed on a diet of cat food.
‘Turns out she let go of her shopping cart because this mugger guy was trying to steal her cat, you know that big grey one she takes everywhere? I didn’t see that part, just the aftermath.’
‘Why would anyone try to steal that cat? It’s only got one ear and I’m not sure it isn’t a bit short of legs,’ said Clancy.
‘Who knows what motivates the criminal mind?’ said Ruby.
‘Well, we can be pretty sure it wasn’t motivated by the desire to win best in show at Twinford Cat Club,’ said Clancy.
‘So,’ asked Ruby, ‘what was the big distraction?’
‘Ah, nothin’,’ said Clancy, ‘I’m too depressed to talk about it. Fill me in on your training?’
‘I got lost,’ replied Ruby.
‘That doesn’t sound good,’ said Clancy.
‘No, I was meant to be lost; the training was getting myself unlost.’ She sighed.
‘So did you?’
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’
‘I guess you are. So you passed, that was good, huh?’
‘No,’ said Ruby. ‘It wasn’t and I didn’t. There was a time factor and I didn’t make it.’
‘Oh, that’s a drag,’ said Clancy, looking at her. ‘They gonna kick you out or what?’
‘Your sensitivity is appreciated,’ said Ruby.
‘I’m just asking.’
It was a question Ruby didn’t particularly want to answer. ‘Well, it wasn’t good. I was way too slow.’ She let out a heavy sigh.
‘So?’ said Clancy, shrugging. ‘You can fix that easy enough, just speed up.’
‘It isn’t that easy,’ said Ruby. ‘I seemed to royally suck.’
‘You can’t have flunked it all. So you got lost. I bet you were super good at everything else.’
‘I sort of flunked on the whole foraging thing too,’ said Ruby.
‘Food foraging?’ asked Clancy.
‘What other kind is there?’ said Ruby.
‘Fuel?’ suggested Clancy.
‘No, fuel there was plenty of,’ she replied. ‘I’m just not so good at rootling around for things that look