Flashman and the Redskins. George Fraser MacDonald
And she beamed on me; she was dressed to her peak, which was dazzlingly vulgar, but I have to say that she didn’t look a year more than her pretended age, and deuced handsome. To my relief, Spring played up, and pledged her happiness; he didn’t include me, and he wasn’t quite Pickwick yet, but at least his tone was civil and he didn’t smash the crockery.
Mind you, I’ve been at dinners I’ve enjoyed more. Susie, for once, seemed nervous, which I put down to girlish excitement; she prattled about slave prices, and the cost of high-bred yellows, and how the Cuban market was sky-high these days, and the delicacy of octoroon fancies, who didn’t seem to be able to stand the pace in her trade at all; Spring answered her, more or less, and they had a brief discussion on the breeding of sturdier stock by mating black Africans with mulattos, which is a capital topic over the pudding. But by and by he said less and less, and that none too clearly; I was just beginning to wonder if the drink had got to him for once when he suddenly gave a great sigh, and a staring yawn, caught at his chair arms as though to rise, and then fell face foremost into the blancmange.
Susie glanced at me, lifting a warning finger. Then she got up, pulled his face out of the mess, and pushed up one eyelid. He was slumped like a sawdust doll, his face purple.
‘That’s all right,’ says she. ‘Brutus!’ And before my astonished eyes the butler went out, and presently in came two likely big coves in reefer jackets. At a nod from Susie, they hefted Spring out of his chair, and without a word bore him from the room. Susie sauntered back to her place, took a sip of wine, and smiled at my amazement.
‘Well,’ says she, ‘we wouldn’t ’ave wanted ’im along on our ’oneymoon, would we?’
For a moment I was appalled. ‘You’re not letting the bogies have him? He’ll peach! For God’s sake, Susie, he’ll—’
‘If he does any peachin’, it’ll be in Cape Town,’ says she. ‘You don’t think I’d be as silly as that, do you – or serve ’im such a mean turn?’ She laughed and patted my hand. ‘’E don’t deserve that – anyone who put out Peter Omo’undro’s light must ’ave some good in ’im. Anyway, if it wasn’t for the likes o’ your Captain Spring, where’d I get my wenches? But I didn’t fancy ’im above ’alf, from the first – mostly ’cos ’e didn’t mean you no good. I seen ’im watchin’ you, an’ mutterin’ ’is Italian or wotever it was. So,’ says she lightly, ‘I just passed the word to some good friends o’ mine – you need ’em in my business, believe me – an’ by the time ’e wakes up ’e’ll ’ave the prospect of a nice long voyage to cure ’is poor achin’ ’ead. Well, don’t look so shocked, dearie – ’e’s not the first to be shanghaied from this ’ouse, I can tell you!’
Well, it was capital – in its way, but it was also food for thought. Offhand, I couldn’t think of a better place for J. C. Spring than a long-hauler bound for South Africa, with a bucko mate kicking his arse while he holystoned the deck (although knowing the bastard, by the time they made Table Bay he would probably be the mate, if not more). He’d have been better fed to the fish, of course, but we must just take what benevolent providence sends us, and be thankful. On the other hand, it was a mite disturbing to discover that my bride-to-be was a lady of such ruthless resource. There she was, all pink and plump and pretty, selecting a grape, dusting it with sherbet, and popping it into my mouth with a fond smirk and a loving kiss that was like being hit in the face by a handful of liver – and not two minutes earlier she’d had a dinner guest trepanned before he’d even had his coffee. It occurred to me that severing our marriage tie in California would call for tactful management; hell hath no fury, and so forth, and I didn’t want to find myself bound for Sydney on a hellship, or dropped into Frisco Bay with my legs broken.
No, it bore thinking on. I’d always known that although Susie was a perfect fool for any chap with a big knocker, she was also a woman of character – she managed her slave-whores with a rod of iron, kindly enough but standing no nonsense, and the cool way she’d taken Omohundro’s demise, and seen Spring outward bound with a bellyful of puggle just because he was in the way, showed that she could be even harder than I’d have believed. But I was committed now – it was California or bust with a vengeance, and the only safe way when all was said. If I played my cards cleverly, I might even come out with a neat profit which should see me home in style, there to enjoy the fruits of the late unlamented Morrison’s labours. With luck I’d be back with my loving Elspeth after a total absence of about eighteen months – just nice time for the Bryant scandal to have died down. And there was no possibility that Susie would ever be able to trace her absconding spouse; she knew I was English, but nothing more, for Spring had naturally backed up my imposture as Beauchamp Millward Comber. I was clear there.
So now, once I’d put behind me the uncomfortable recollection of Spring with his beard soaked in custard being whisked off by the crimps, I gave my full attention to my betrothed, congratulating her on the smart way she’d recruited him back to the merchant marine, and regarding her with an admiration and respect which were by no means assumed.
‘You’re sure you don’t mind?’ says she. ‘I know it was a bit sudden-like, but I couldn’t ’ave abided ’avin’ ’im along, with that ugly phiz of ’is, an’ those awful creepy eyes. Fair gave me the shakes. An’ Jake an’ Captain Roger, they’ll see ’im well away, an’ never a word about it. An’ we can be just the two of us, can’t we?’ She subsided on to my lap, slipped her arms round my neck, pecked me gently on the lips, and gazed adoringly into my eyes. ‘Ow, Beechy, I’m that ’appy with you! Now, ’ave you ’ad enough to eat? Wouldn’t fancy a nice piece of fruit for dessert? I think you would,’ she giggles, and she took a peach, teased me with it, and then pushed it down the front of her dress between her breasts. ‘Go on, now – eat it all up, like a good boy.’
We started upriver two days later, and if you haven’t seen a bawdy-house flitting you’ve missed an unusual sight. The entire contents of the house were shipped down to the levee on about a dozen carts, and then Susie’s twenty sluts were paraded with their baggage in the hall, under the stern eye of their mistress. I hadn’t been invited to be on hand, but I watched through the crack of the salon door, and you never saw anything so pretty. They were all dressed in the most modest of crinolines, with their bonnets tied under their chins, like a Sunday school treat, chattering away and only falling silent and bobbing a respectful curtsey as Susie came opposite each one, checking her name and that she’d got all her possessions.
‘Claudia … got your portmanteau an’ your bandbox? … good … brushed your teeth, ’ave you? Very well … let’s see, Marie … are those your best gloves? No, I’ll lay they’re not, so just you change ’em this minute – no, not your black velvet ones, you goose, you’re goin’ on a steamboat! Now, then, Cleonie … oh, I declare white does suit you best of anythin’… why, you look proper virginal … wot are you now – thirty dollars, isn’t it? Well, I must be goin’ simple, you’re a fifty if ever I saw one. Ne’er mind … no, Aphrodite, you don’t wear your bonnet on the back of your ’ead … I know it shows you off, but that’s not what we want, dear, is it? You’re a young lady on your travels, not summat in a shop window … that’s better … stand up straight, Stephanie, there’s nothin’ becomes a female less than a slouch … Josephine, your dress is too short by a mile, you’ll lengthen it the minute we’re aboard. Don’t pout at me, miss, your ankles won’t get fat just ’cos they’re covered. Now, then, shoulders back, all of you, duck your heads just a little, hands folded, that’s right … eyes down … very pretty indeed. Good.’
She walked back along the line, well satisfied, and then addressed them.
‘Now, I want you gels to pay careful heed to me. On the boat, and indeed all the way to California, you’ll behave yourselves like young ladies – an’ I mean real ladies, not the kind of young ladies we talk about ’ere for the benefit of gentlemen, you hear? You’ll go always two an’ two, an’ you will not encourage or countenance the attention of any men you chance to meet – an’ there’ll be plenty of ’em, so take care. You won’t heed any man if he addresses you, you won’t talk to ’em, you won’t look at ’em. Is that clear?’