Fanny Hill. John Cleland
action; then began the storm of heaves, which, from the undermost combatant, were thrusts at the same time, he crossing his hands over her, and drawing her home to him with a sweet violence: the inverted strokes of anvil over hammer soon brought on the critical period, in which all the signs of a close conspiring ecstasy informed us of the point they were at.
For me, I could bear to see no more; I was so overcome, so inflamed at the second part of the same play, that, mad to an intolerable degree, I hugg’d, I clasped Phoebe, as if she had the wherewithal to relieve me. Pleased, however, with (and pitying) the taking she could feel me in, she drew me towards the door, and opening it as softly as she could, we both got off undiscover’d, and she reconducted me to my own room, where, unable to keep my legs, in the agitation I was in, I instantly threw myself down on the bed, where I lay transported, though asham’d at what I felt.
Phoebe lay down by me, and ask’d me archly if, now that I had seen the enemy, and fully considered him, I was still afraid of him? or did I think I could venture to come to a close engagement with him? To all which, not a word on my side; I sigh’d, and could scarce breathe. She takes hold of my hand, and having roll’d up her own petticoats, forced it half-strivingly towards those parts, where, now grown more knowing, I miss’d the main object of my wishes; and finding not even the shadow of what I wanted, where everything was so flat, or so hollow, in the vexation I was in at it, I should have withdrawn my hand but for fear of disobliging her. Abandoning it then entirely to her management, she made use of it as she thought proper, to procure herself rather the shadow than the substance of any pleasure. For my part, I now pin’d for more solid food, and promis’d tacitly to myself that I would not be put off much longer with this foolery from woman to woman, if Mrs Brown did not soon provide me with the essential specific. In short, I had all the air of not being able to wait the arrival of my Lord B—, tho’ he was now expected in a very few days; nor did I wait for him, for love itself took charge of the disposal of me, in spite of interest or gross lust.
It was not two days after the closet-scene that I got up about six in the morning and, leaving my bedfellow fast asleep, stole down, with no other thought than of taking a little fresh air in a small garden which our back parlour open’d into, and from which my confinement debarr’d me at the times company came to the house; but now sleep and silence reign’d all over it.
I open’d the parlour door, and well surpris’d was I at seeing, by the side of a fire half-out, a young gentleman in the old lady’s elbow chair, with his legs laid upon another, fast asleep, and left there by his thoughtless companions, who had drank him down, and then went off with every one his mistress, whilst he stay’d behind by the courtesy of the old matron, who would not disturb or turn him out in that condition, at one in the morning; and beds, it is more than probable, there were none to spare. On the table still remain’d the punch bowl and glasses, strew’d about in their usual disorder after a drunken revel.
But when I drew nearer, to view the sleeping form, heavens! what a sight! No! no term of years, no turn of fortune could ever erase the lightning-like impression his form made on me…Yes! dearest object of my earliest passion, I command for ever the remembrance of thy first appearance to my ravish’d eyes…it calls thee up, present; and I see thee now!
Figure to yourself, Madam, a fair stripling between eighteen and nineteen, with his head reclin’d on one of the sides of the chair, his hair in disorder’d curls, irregularly shading a face on which all the roseate bloom of youth and all the manly graces conspired to fix my eyes and heart. Even the langour and paleness of his face, in which the momentary triumph of the lily over the rose was owing to the excesses of the night, gave an inexpressible sweetness to the finest features imaginable; his eyes, closed in sleep, displayed the meeting edges of their lids beautifully bordered with long eyelashes, over which no pencil could have described two more regular arches than those that grac’d his forehead, which was high, perfectly white and smooth. Then a pair of vermilion lips, pouting and swelling to the touch, as if a bee had freshly stung them, seem’d to challenge me to get the gloves of this lovely sleeper, had not the modesty and respect, which in both sexes are inseparable from a true passion, check’d my impulses.
But on seeing his shirt-collar unbutton’d, and a bosom whiter than a drift of snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe me to lengthen it, at the hazard of a health that began to be my life’s concern. Love, that made me timid, taught me to be tender too. With a trembling hand I took hold of one of his, and waking him as gently as possible, he started, and looking, at first a little wildly, said with a voice that sent its harmonious sound to my heart: ‘Pray, child, what o’clock is it?’ I told him, and added that he might catch cold if he slept longer with his breast open in the cool of the morning air. On this he thanked me with a sweetness perfectly agreeing with that of his features and eyes; the last now broad open, and eagerly surveying me, carried the sprightly fires they sparkled with directly to my heart.
It seems that having drank too freely before he came upon the rake with some of his young companions, he had put himself out of a condition to go through all the weapons with them, and crown the night with getting a mistress; so that seeing me in a loose undress, he did not doubt but I was one of the misses of the house, sent in to repair his loss of time; but though he seiz’d that notion, and a very obvious one it was, without hesitation, yet, whether my figure made a more than ordinary impression on him, or whether it was natural politeness, he address’d me in a manner far from rude, tho’ still on the foot of one of the house pliers, come to amuse him; and giving me the first kiss that I ever relish’d from man in my life, ask’d me if I could favour him with my company, assuring me that he would make it worth my while: but had not even new-born love, that true refiner of lust, oppos’d so sudden a surrender, the fear of being surpris’d by the house was a sufficient bar to my compliance.
I told him then, in a tone set me by love itself, that for reasons I had not time to explain to him, I could not stay with him, and might not even ever see him again: with a sigh at these last words, which broke from the bottom of my heart. My conqueror, who, as he afterwards told me, had been struck with my appearance, and lik’d me as much as he could think of liking anyone in my suppos’d way of life, ask’d me briskly at once, if I would be kept by him, and that he would take a lodging for me directly, and relieve me from any engagements he presum’d I might be under to the house. Rash, sudden, undigested, and even dangerous as this offer might be from a perfect stranger, and that stranger a giddy boy, the prodigious love I was struck with for him had put a charm into his voice there was no resisting, and blinded me to every objection; I could, at that instant, have died for him: think if I could resist an invitation to live with him! Thus my heart, beating strong to the proposal, dictated my answer, after scarce a minute’s pause, that I would accept of his offer, and make my escape to him in what way he pleased, and that I would be entirely at his disposal, let it be good or bad. I have often since wondered that so great a compliance did not disgust him, or make me too cheap in his eyes, but my fate had so appointed it, that in his fears of the hazard of the town, he had been some time looking out for a girl to take into keeping, and my person happening to hit his fancy, it was by one of those miracles reserved to love that we struck the bargain in the instant, which we sealed by an exchange of kisses, that the hopes of a more uninterrupted enjoyment engaged him to content himself with.
Never, however, did dear youth carry in his person more wherewith to justify the turning of a girl’s head, making her set all consequences at defiance for the sake of following a gallant.
For, besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were assembled in his form, he had an air of neatness and gentility, a certain smartness in the carriage and port of his head that yet more distinguished him; his eyes were sprightly and full of meaning; his looks had in them something at once sweet and commanding. His complexion outbloom’d the lovely-colour’d rose, whilst its inimitable tender vivid glow clearly sav’d it from the reproach of wanting life, of being raw and dough-like, which is commonly made to those so extremely fair as he was.
Our little plan was that I should get out about seven the next morning (which I could readily promise, as I knew where to get the key of the street door), and he would wait at the end of the street with a coach to convey me safe off; after which, he would send, and clear any debt incurr’d by my stay at Mrs Brown’s, who, he only judged,