Mexican Kimono. Billie Jones
and thirsty. How did people survive lost in the outback for so long? I was going to cave in if this kept up. The smell of salt and pepper squid and spicy chorizo was going to kill me. My mouth started watering as I caught myself in a little fantasy with the head waiter, Alberto. He was drizzling fresh lemon over the chorizo, never taking his eyes off me for a second. He brings the tasty sausage up to my mouth and I accidentally bite his fingers which taste tart like lemon …
‘What are you doing, Miss?’ boomed a voice behind me. I screamed like I’d just been arrested for shoplifting. I turned quickly to offer an excuse to the policeman until I realised it was JJ.
‘You bastard! You scared the crap out of me!’
‘Why are you hiding in a bush?’
‘I wasn’t hiding. I, ah, dropped my purse,’ I said, as I dropped my purse.
‘I think someone was trying to arrive last.’
‘JJ, you are seriously delusional at times,’ I scoffed. I instantly kicked the head waiter guy fantasy to the kerb when I saw JJ. I’d forgotten how seriously good-looking he was. He was wearing navy-blue linen pants and a tight white singlet that emphasized every ripple of muscle. His hair was lost somewhere between blonde and brown, and was just long enough that you could run your fingers through it. His skin was the colour of honey. Mmm, honey. Honey on JJ. Mmm.
I shook myself before I got lost inside my head with that train of thought. I really couldn’t believe he’d turned gay on me. I looked up to the bright-blue sky, looking for answers from a God who obviously doesn’t like me, and said silently, ‘Why do you hate me so? Why is he gay? Why, why, WHY?’
‘Who are you talking to?’ asked JJ.
Oh, whoops, I must have said that out loud. ‘Ah, nothing. Just reciting lines from a play I’m in.’ Phew, that was close.
He studied me intently before grabbing my hand to walk up the steps. His grip felt good; warm and strong. I wished the steps went on forever and, believe me, that’s not something I usually wish for. If I want to exercise, I’ll just go get a manicure on the massaging chairs.
Alberto, the head waiter, walked over. I could barely look at him after what we’d just been though. He handed us some menus.
‘Would you care to order something to drink first?’ he asked, oozing class. ‘Perhaps a glass of sparkling wine, or champagne, whilst you’re perusing the wine list?’
JJ piped up, and let me tell you now, it’s like I’m psychic, he won’t choose sparkling, that’s for sure.
‘We’ll have a bottle of champagne, please,’ he smiled at me and said. ‘You didn’t want sparkling, did you?’ His tone of voice suggested drinking sparkling wine instead of proper champagne from the Champagne region in France was akin to drinking a goon bag.
‘Champagne’s great,’ I said, keeping my eyes averted from Alberto.
Alberto disappeared as quickly as the guy who took my virginity.
JJ clasped my hand and leaned forward like we were lovers. ‘So, how have you been? I’ve missed you, you know.’
Remember he’s gay.
Remember he’s gay.
It wasn’t working! ‘Ah, I’ve missed you too, JJ.’ I had to be certain this wasn’t another set-up from him. ‘So, how’s your love life? Met any hot guys in ol’ gay Paree?’
‘No, there is no one for me there, ma cherie. Actually, I’ve been sort of wrapped up in the past.’ He began caressing my hand and winked at me.
‘Oh, is that why you’re back? Unfinished business with Toffany?’
‘No, ma amour, not Toffany.’
I searched my memory for other people he’d had passionate one-night stands with.
Ah. ‘Ashley?’
‘No, not Ashley, ma préféré.’
‘Shannon?’
‘No, ma seul véritable amour.’
For God’s sake, what was this? A quiz show? What was with all the French mumbo jumbo?
‘OK, JJ, I give up.’
‘You mean, you really don’t know?’
‘No.’
‘It’s you. It’s always been you. I just needed to experiment for a while. All along I had the perfect partner right here, in little sunny old Perth.’
Well, you can imagine how shocked I was. I thought he’d been swearing at me in French and I still hadn’t forgotten pouring my heart out to him after the whole Toffany fiasco. It never rains, but it pours. First Alberto, then this.
‘Is this another attempt to humiliate me in the gay community?’
‘That was uncalled for, Samantha. If I could take it back I would.’ His azure-coloured eyes looked sincere as he stared right into my soul. A wave of desire washed over me like a spray tan. Alberto strode to our table with a bottle of champagne and two flutes standing expertly on a small tray.
‘Excuse me, Sir, Madame, are you ready to order?’ He was all charm. He even looked like what you’d expect a hoity-toity waiter to look like. Thick black shiny hair. Manicured nails (I can always tell). Sharp, tailored suit.
JJ spoke up first, ‘I’ll have the lime and vodka oysters to start,’ he gave me a lascivious wink, ‘and for main I’ll have the fennel and honey pork belly.’
Great. I was going to have something as equally calorie-laden, but now he was hot for me again I wouldn’t be able to eat like that in front of him. I’d have to order something healthy.
‘I’ll have chorizo and garlic bread to start. Hold the garlic,’ I couldn’t stand the smell of garlic any more after my ex-boss bathed in it, ‘and the Wagyu beef for main, thanks, Alberto.’ I sincerely hoped JJ wanted to share his pork belly. That was half my reason for coming here.
JJ stood and moved his chair closer to mine. He bent down, nuzzled into my neck, and whispered, ‘So, what do you say? Can we go back to where we left off?’
That kind of nuzzling gets me every time and he knows it. It sent shivers down my body. I felt woozy, intoxicated by him. Still, there were rules in these kinds of circumstances and I must play by them if I wanted to remain on top in this town.
‘Look, JJ, I’ll consider it, but don’t hold your breath, OK? I’m kind of seeing a few people at the moment and I’m pretty sure one of them is a keeper.’ OK, not true, but if I say I’m alone and have been since he tore my heart out, threw it to the ground and then beat it to death with his straightening iron, he’d change his mind for sure. I know I would.
‘I understand, just tell me you’ll think about it?’ he said in a syrupy voice.
‘I’ll do my best. Now, can you excuse me for a minute? I need to ring the office and check everyone is meeting their KPIs.’ I stood up quickly and strutted to the ladies’ room. I shut myself in a cubicle and screamed, ‘There is a God! He’s not gay, he’s NOT GAY!’ I did a little happy dance and a kind of karmic ‘up yours’ to Toffany.
That taken care of, I walked back and joined JJ at the table.
He’d ordered a bottle of Margaret River chardonnay while I was gone. I tried not to sit there with a stupid love-struck grin on my face, because it’s just so damn cheesy, and I didn’t want JJ to know I was happy.
Our entrées came and we ate, quietly taking in the view of the Swan River. We used to come to Silk together every Friday after work, when we were a couple. It was where all the power couples went so, of course, it’s where we went.
I was mentally weighing up the pros and cons of getting back together with JJ. We’d