Killing Pretty. Richard Kadrey
can stay here for as long as you need,” says Candy.
“Thank you.”
I take the pack of Maledictions from my pocket and light one. Death sniffs the smoke and sneezes. I don’t put it out. When things get weird, sometimes you just have to smoke.
“Our boss, Julie, is going to want to talk to you. She’s the brains. We’ll figure out what to do after you’ve talked. That okay with you?”
“That sounds fine.”
Death gets distracted by the movie again. Kasabian creeps down the stairs with a pile of clothes in his arms.
“I didn’t know what he’d like.”
“So you brought everything I own? Just set it down on the counter.”
I point at Death.
“You. Come here.”
He walks over. I hold up one of the few Max Overdrive T-shirts left that doesn’t have bullet holes or my blood on it.
“That looks like it’ll fit. Try it on.”
He slips the shirt over his head. And gets tangled in it. Candy has to help him get it on.
I toss him some pants. He looks them over and starts to put them on backward.
“The other way around,” I tell him.
He navigates the pants better than the shirt. I toss him a pair of socks and he figures those out right away. Boy genius will be ready for Jeopardy! any day now.
“Is that better?” says Candy.
“Yes. Thank you for these.”
“Just don’t get cut open again. Those shirts are rare.”
“I’ll try.”
“Maybe he’s hungry,” says Kasabian.
“You hungry?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “My stomach hurts.”
“You shouldn’t take pills on an empty stomach. Let’s order some food,” says Candy.
I toss Death a black hoodie to wear over the T-shirt. Candy helps him put it on. I look at her looking at him. She’s not scared of him. Another one of the things I like about her. I put out the Malediction. No reason to torment the poor slob.
I say, “You like Thai food?”
“I don’t know,” he says.
“Let’s find out.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll get everything mild,” says Candy.
He looks up at the big screen.
“Can I watch something else? Something where people speak?”
“We might have one or two of those. What do you think, Kas?”
“No action movies. Nothing with guns or explosions. I don’t want him getting ideas.”
Death zips the hoodie, then looks at Kasabian.
“We’ve met before,” says Death.
I smile in Kasabian’s direction.
“That’s right. He blew his dumb ass up.”
“Lucifer was the one who brought you back, wasn’t he? I like him. He has a funny sense of humor.”
“Tell me about it,” Kasabian says.
“Maybe cartoons?” says Candy.
Kas raises his eyebrows.
“Some of your fucking anime with monsters and robots? I don’t think so.”
“What about a musical?” Candy says.
Death looks from her to me.
“You like music?” I ask.
“Oh, yes.”
Kasabian says, “Okay. Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly?”
“Definitely Gene Kelly,” Candy says. “He’s the sexy one.”
“Singin’ in the Rain?”
I pick up the rest of my clothes.
“Can’t go wrong with a classic. We’re going upstairs to call for food. You need anything?”
Death shakes his head.
“No. Thank you.”
Candy and I head to our place. Kasabian follows us halfway up the stairs.
“Don’t leave me alone with him.”
“Relax,” I tell him. “Get him a chair. Give him a donut or whatever else you have stashed behind the counter. Put the movie on and play nice. We’ll be in earshot.”
“How are you going to pay for the food? We haven’t rented much since Mr. Charisma got here.”
“As it happens, I helped a guy with his wallet and some of his cash fell into my pocket. He’s a whiner and he’ll overbill the agency, so it will all balance out in the end.”
“What do you want when we order?” says Candy.
“Green curry with pork. Extra spicy. None of the baby food you’re feeding him.”
We start up again.
Kasabian stares downstairs and says, “Stark. What if you help this guy and he, you know, calls us in? I mean, we were dead. What if he wants to make it permanent?”
“Then I’ll kill him and we can all go to Hell together.”
“That’s a fucking comfort,” he says. Then, “I want some of those fried shrimp rolls too.”
We go upstairs. A minute later the overture to the movie starts.
When we’re alone, Candy laughs.
“You finally bring me back here and there’s Death waiting for us with his cock hanging out. You know how to make a girl feel at home.”
“Did you really expect a normal homecoming?”
She flops onto the sofa.
“Never. I’m drunk and hungry. Order me some food, garçon.”
“Hold your horses, Calamity Jane.”
She leans her head back on the sofa and says, “Shit. Should we call Julie now that he’s awake?”
I drop my clothes in a pile on the closet floor. There’s an envelope lying on the bed. I bring it with me back to the living room.
“Let the man eat. Between the pills and the food, my guess is he’ll pass out again. Julie can wait until tomorrow.”
“Good. All I want to do is eat and fuck and go to sleep.”
“I have that on my business card.”
“Find the menu. Dial quickly. I’m going to pass out here for a minute.”
She curls up on the sofa and I toss a blanket over her.
The menus are in a drawer by the sink. I call in the order and open the envelope. Crisp paper falls out onto the floor. Heavy, expensive stationery—Sub Rosa–grade stuff. Sure enough, it’s from the Augur’s office. Looks like I’m invited to tea with the grand high lord and master of the whole California tribe. Thing is, I’m done with the Sub Rosa and don’t have any interest in who’s running the show now.
I wad up the note and envelope and toss them in the trash.
DEATH IS WATCHING another movie when we go down in the morning. Duck Soup starring the Marx Brothers. Kasabian comes over as quietly as he can.
“He’s