Killing Pretty. Richard Kadrey
another.
The Angra Om Ya were old gods. Older than the God most good little girls and boys think about. That God, sneaky bastard, stole the universe from the Angra and walled them off in another dimension. When they broke out and headed back into our space-time, they brought the floods with them. One long golden shower of hate. I fought the Angra, if fight’s the right word. I danced around until I foxed them into the Room of Thirteen Doors and locked them in forever. If you live in this universe, you’re welcome, and could you spare some change for a fellow American who’s down on his luck? Okay, Bogart said it better than I did, but you get the idea.
The city was still underwater when we killed Candy. No choice. The feds were trucking Lurkers out into the Mojave to a hoodoo Manzanar. So, Julie helped us out. We staged a scene where it looked like she shot and killed Candy. What was another Lurker stiff to the Vigil jackboots? And now I owe Julie and will be working off the debt until she dies or I die or the oceans turn to Jell-O and Atlantis rises.
You’d think after that, things might smooth out a little. What could be worse than your city underwater, pissed-off elder gods, and killing your girlfriend? Nothing, you’d say, but if you bet me the farm on it, I’d be asshole-deep in cotton. You see, a bum wandered into my life around New Year’s. He called himself Death, and who was I to argue? Someone had ripped out his heart and he was still walking around. He wasn’t a zombie because I destroyed all of them (seriously, how about that spare change?) and he definitely wasn’t an ordinary angel. The fucker, who or whatever he is, came to me specifically and asked me to find out who killed him. Me. Like I need more bullshit in my life. Between BitTorrent and video streaming, Maximum Overdrive is about dead. Now I have to drop all that to wet nurse another supernatural shit heel because why?
Because I’m a freak. A nephilim. Half human and half angel. Heaven hates me because I shouldn’t exist and the world hates me because, well, I’m really good at killing things. Yet for some reason, the schmuck asleep in my storeroom thinks I’m a Good Samaritan. When he wakes up, despite what Julie wants, I’m going to skate his ass out the door as fast as I can. I simply do not need crap like this in my life.
What I need is a drink, a week in Mexico with Candy, and tickets for Skull Valley Sheep Kill when they reopen the Whisky a Go Go. I’m not betting on the last two, but I can magically conjure up the first by reaching into my pocket and taking out my flask.
Which is almost empty.
Story of my life. Thanks for listening. Be sure to tip your waitresses on the way out.
PAUL NEWMAN AND Steve McQueen are jumping off a cliff when I get back to Max Overdrive. I recognize the movie immediately. It’s Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but not any version I’ve seen. Robert Redford is nowhere in sight.
“You like it?” says Maria. Her voice cracks a little, like she only takes it out on special occasions.
Maria is about my height, her skin darker than Allegra’s. She reminds me of a young Angela Bassett if she’d grown up with alley-cat gutter punks. She’s got a heavy-gauge ring through her nose and a smaller one in her lower lip. A muscular neck with tattoos of the four elements—air, earth, fire, and water. Her hair is about shoulder length, dyed sky blue, but with black roots showing, and pulled back in a couple of ragged pigtails. Each of her fingernails is painted a different color.
“It’s great, right?” says Kasabian. He’s drumming on the front counter like a beatnik with a pair of new bongos, his metal hand bouncing like silver spiders.
“McQueen was originally supposed to play the Sundance Kid, but the deal fell through,” he says. “Get it? This is the future for the store. Movies that never happened. Dirty Harry with Frank Sinatra instead of Eastwood. David Lynch’s Return of the Jedi. Brando in Rebel Without a Cause. The right people will pay a fortune to see this stuff.”
I watch Newman and McQueen trading quips for a couple of minutes.
“It’s not the worst idea you ever had.”
“It’s goddamn genius and you know it,” he says. “The next one Maria is getting for us is Alejandro Jodorowsky’s version of Dune.”
I look at Maria.
“Was this his idea or yours?”
She rubs her throat nervously, like she’s not used to being the center of attention.
“Neither,” she says. “It was Dash. Want to meet him?”
“Now we’ve got another partner? How many people are we bringing in to this thing? I don’t like surprise guests.”
Kasabian stops drumming and gives me a look.
“Calm down, Frank Booth. Tell him who Dash is before he needs smelling salts.”
Maria reaches into a small clutch bag and pulls something out.
“It’s okay, Stark. He doesn’t want money. He just likes to keep busy. He’s a ghost.”
Christ. I hate ghosts. They’re nothing but trouble.
“I need a drink.”
“Good,” says Maria. “He likes liquor. Bring down a shot for him.”
“Your ghost is a drunk? Fuck me with all this good news.”
I go upstairs and find the Aqua Regia. I refill my flask, pour a shot into a glass, and down it. I fill the glass again and take it downstairs.
“Right there is fine,” says Maria, indicating the counter. I set the shot glass down.
“You don’t have anything to eat, do you?” she says. “Something sweet.”
Kasabian takes a Donut Universe bag from under the counter, removes an éclair, and sets it next to the shot.
I watch as Maria unfolds a black plastic clamshell. An old-fashioned makeup compact.
“If we’re doing dead-people makeovers, the guy in the storeroom can use one.”
“Give it a rest, man,” says Kasabian. “Show an artist a little respect.”
Maria sets the open compact on the counter with the mirror facing the glass and donut. She blows on the mirror and draws a symbol I don’t recognize on the misted glass.
“Are you home, Dash?” she says.
Nothing happens.
But then the mist fades, and a face drifts into view behind the drink and donut. I can’t get a good look at him. A lot of his face is hidden behind the food. He’s a kid, maybe sixteen, with messy blond hair streaked with bright red. He closes his eyes and sniffs. He’s getting high off the food offerings.
“Dash, this is Stark,” says Maria. She moves her hand, letting me know I need to get closer to the mirror so the kid can see me. I don’t really want to get too close. I don’t trust ghosts.
I lean over, but stay on the far side of the food.
“Hey, kid. Thanks for the movie. You have good taste.”
Dash mouths something, but I can’t hear him.
Maria, standing behind me, has been watching the whole thing.
“He says you’re welcome and he hopes to bring more with him next time you meet.”
Next time. Great.
“You read lips,” I say.
Maria nods.
“I learned when I was a girl. Like Dash, some ghosts are shy and will only appear through a looking glass.”
Kasabian shoulders me out of the way and practically sticks his mug in the mirror.
“Hey, Dash. How’s it going?”
The kid’s grin widens. They’ve talked before.
“You working on getting us Dune?”