Baby It's Cold Outside. Kerry Barrett
Tansy shifted on the sofa and stroked her little boy’s hair. Her eyes were full of tears.
‘That day, so many died,’ Jamie went on. ‘So many. And all I could hear was the women crying, wailing, for their lost children.’ He shook his head. ‘But the kids never cried. They just lay there, so weak, looking up at us. Trusting us to make them better. And we couldn’t.’ He swallowed. I was close to tears too but I didn’t want to interrupt his story.
‘I was upset,’ Tansy said. ‘Jamie and I hadn’t been intimate for weeks, months maybe. But that night, I just wanted to be close to someone. To feel…’
‘Yeah, okay,’ I said. I really didn’t need to hear the details of MY Jamie’s make-up sex with this woman. ‘I get the idea.’
Tansy turned her attention to Jamie.
‘And then, when I woke up, you were packing,’ she said. ‘And we fought again. And then you left.’
Jamie shrugged.
‘It was the right thing to do,’ he said. ‘If I’d stayed we’d have been in a never-ending cycle of making up and breaking up.’
‘You’re right,’ Tansy said. ‘You’re right. And then I got sick. Really sick. I had malaria too. First they took me to hospital in Mombasa – then, when I was strong enough, I flew home.’ She paused. ‘I don’t remember much about it.’
Jamie didn’t speak. Tansy twirled her wine glass in her hand. I willed her to drink some more so I could legitimately top up her glass – and mine – but she didn’t.
‘When I’d been home a few days the doctor told me I was pregnant,’ she said. ‘I was shocked at first, but it was knowing that I had a reason to recover that got me through.’
I thought about saying something, then Jamie gave me a warning glance and I thought better of it.
‘I was a mess, Jamie,’ Tansy said. ‘I was weak and depressed, and I didn’t know what to do. By the time I’d got it all clear in my head, Parker was born. Then there was baby stuff, and work…’
‘Work?’ Jamie prompted.
‘At the hospital in Boston,’ she said. ‘And one day a week at a mobile clinic working with pregnant women in the suburbs.’
‘You’re helping people at home,’ Jamie said.
She nodded.
‘So there was never a good time to tell you.’
‘Why now?’ I said. ‘Why are you here? Now?’
Tansy looked at her son again. Her son. I still couldn’t think of him as Jamie’s.
‘Parker got sick,’ she began. The hostility I’d been feeling towards her since she arrived finally spilled over.
‘Oh well isn’t that awful,’ I said, my voice laced with possibly unforgivable sarcasm. ‘So what is it you want from Jamie? A few pints of blood? A smattering of bone marrow? A kidney?’
Tansy flinched as I hissed at her. Then she looked at Jamie again, calmly ignoring my outburst.
‘He’s fine,’ she said. ‘It’s all under control. He’s got …’ she named an illness that I’d never heard of, but Jamie nodded.
‘Is it serious?’ I asked.
Tansy made a so-so gesture with her hand. ‘Could have been,’ she said. ‘It affects his digestion so when he first got sick he got really thin and he had no energy. It was awful. He was disappearing in front of my eyes. He’ll never be cured but we keep an eye on his diet, and there are pills he can have if it gets bad. Sometimes he has to go into hospital if he has a really bad attack but that’s not happened for a while.’
Jamie looked thoughtful.
‘It’s hereditary, right?’
‘Can be,’ Tansy said. ‘I’ve been tested and I don’t have it, so it could be you.’
Jamie shook his head, as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. I didn’t blame him.
‘And of course this affects you too,’ Tansy said, looking at me again. ‘I heard you were getting married and I wanted to warn you that any kids you have could have it too.’
I stared at her. This was too much to take in.
‘I was going to email you,’ Tansy went on. ‘But Mom went mad. She said I had to do it face to face.’
‘She sounds like a very sensible woman, your mother,’ Mum said, from the doorway.
We all jumped and I wondered how long she’d been there.
‘Sorry to interrupt,’ she said. ‘The weather is terrible, Tansy. Do you have somewhere to go?’
Tansy shook her head.
‘We’re booked into a hotel in Edinburgh,’ she said. ‘I guess we’ll not get back there tonight?’
Mum chuckled.
‘Even without the snow you wouldn’t make it back to Edinburgh at this time of night. I think you and Parker will have to stay the night.’
Tansy looked as though she was going to object, then she glanced at her son, curled up peacefully next to her and smiled at Mum.
‘That’s so kind of you,’ she said, politely.
‘I’ve made up the spare room,’ Mum said. ‘I think it’s time we all went to bed, don’t you?’
Jamie and I looked at each other. He raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. We didn’t have a spare room. Apparently, though, that wasn’t a problem. Just as the table had grown to accommodate Eva and Allan, so the house had expanded to fit Tansy and Parker. I guessed that meant they were welcome in our home and the idea made my heart sink a little bit.
‘I’m exhausted,’ I said, standing up. ‘Let’s talk more tomorrow.’
‘I’ll be up in a bit,’ Jamie said, giving me a kiss.
I looked at Tansy.
‘It was nice to meet you,’ I lied. Then I fled.
I scuttled up the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get into bed, pull the duvet over my head and shut out all thoughts of Tansy and Parker and inherited diseases. My mind was racing. What did Tansy’s arrival mean for Jamie? And me? What about the wedding? Our future? I needed to sleep on it and see if it all made more sense in the morning.
On the landing I paused. The door opposite me was the airing cupboard and next to that, where normally there was a blank wall, was another identical door. This had to be the mysterious spare room. Cautiously, I turned the handle and peered round the door. It was a spare room all right. It was small, with two single beds, each covered in a rainbow-striped crocheted blanket – Suky’s handiwork I assumed. She loved to crochet and had whiled away her hours of cancer treatment creating blankets like these. There was one in just about every room in the house and they were perfect for snuggling up under on cold winter nights like tonight, especially as the ramshackle house was never very warm. Tansy and Parker would be glad of those blankets, I thought.
In between the beds was a small chest of drawers and on top of that was a lamp that was bathing the room in a warm, orange glow. One of Allan’s prints was on the wall and the whole room looked cosy and welcoming. I frowned. I didn’t want Tansy getting too comfortable.
Hearing soft voices from down the hall, I closed the door again and went to Harry’s room. I knocked gently.
‘H,’ I whispered. ‘Are you awake?’
‘Come in,’ Harry called. I slunk