His Girl Next Door: The Army Ranger's Return / New York's Finest Rebel / The Girl from Honeysuckle Farm. Trish Wylie
but he could tell something had upset her. He hoped it wasn’t his fault. Seeing those bright eyes cloud over was not something he wanted to be held accountable for.
“What about your son?” she asked quietly.
Ryan sighed. His son. George. Now that was a topic he and Jess could talk about all day. Or maybe not talk about at all, as he’d been home a week already and they’d hardly spoken a word to one another.
“I don’t know if I’m just not cut out to be a father, or whether he truly wishes I was back with the army.”
He didn’t say what else he wondered. That maybe his son wished he were dead.
Ryan picked up a stone and stood, then reached his arm back and threw it into the water. He’d meant to skim it, but instead the stone went a little distance then landed with a plop.
He shut his eyes and pushed away the anger. He hated not being capable, losing the function in his strongest arm, but getting angry about it didn’t help his progress and he knew it. Sometimes he just forgot about it, and then he’d surprise himself all over again by not having the control he wanted.
He looked down at Jessica, sitting still, eyes fixed in the distance.
“You okay?”
It was as if she had to snap out of a trance before she even noticed he was speaking.
“Yeah.”
Ryan watched as she jumped to her feet and brushed the grass off her jeans. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Maybe he’d been away way too long, or maybe he’d just forgotten how sensitive women were. Because they’d only been at the park less than an hour and already he’d done something to upset her.
And he had no idea what.
“You still want to grab some lunch?” he asked.
She smiled at him, this time more openly. Or maybe more guardedly. He couldn’t tell which.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
Jessica couldn’t fathom why her stomach was twisting like a snake had taken ownership of it. Why did it even bother her? So he was going back to war? He was a soldier and that’s what soldiers did. It was just that she hadn’t expected him to be going back. When he’d written to her and told her he was coming home she’d thought it was for good.
It wasn’t as if he’d promised her something and was now going back on his word. She had no right to even feel this way.
They were friends.
So why was she acting like her lover had come home and lied to her about his intentions? Or maybe she’d just dealt with too much loss to even comprehend the thought of losing anyone else from her life again. She knew firsthand what the consequences were of him not coming home, what the risks were.
“You sure you’re all right?” he persisted.
Jessica’s head swivelled so quickly it almost swung off.
“Me?”
He laughed and she watched as he pushed his hands into his jeans pockets.
“Yes, you.”
She felt the flush of her cheeks as he made fun of her. She’d expected him to be the one clamming up and here she was like a nervous bunch of keys being jangled. She hadn’t even realized how long they’d been walking in silence.
“I’m sorry Ryan, it’s just …”
He shrugged. “I took you by surprise.”
This was a man who’d been away from civilization for years, and yet he seemed to have her all figured out. That made a change.
Jessica sighed.
“I understand if you don’t want to, you know, hear about war or anything. It’s not exactly the most pleasant experience to discuss,” he said.
She frowned at the look on his face. It took her a second, because she hesitated, but Jessica reached for his hand to give it a quick squeeze. She was being stupid and he was the one who needed her to act like normal. To listen to him like she had in all their letters. He had no idea why she was affected by what he’d said, and that’s how it had to be. She’d lost too much, exposed those she loved to that loss as well, and it had struck a chord with her. But that was one musical instrument she had no intention of playing around him, and that meant she had to deal with it and move on. Fast.
“You can tell me all you like, honestly. I just didn’t expect you to be going back there anytime soon,” she explained. “It took me by surprise.”
Ryan caught her hand before she could pull it away. His hand was strong, smooth. And the touch made a tingle start in her fingertips and ripple goose bumps up her forearm.
“You’re the only person I’ve been able to talk to, apart from the guys, since I left.”
She nodded. Words refused to form in her throat. It had been so long since a man had touched her. Since she’d even felt a spark of attraction that had made her heart beat like a hammer was thwacking it from side to side.
“If I can’t talk to you, I’ve got no one,” he added.
Jessica couldn’t take her eyes off their hands. Ryan followed her gaze and seemed to realize what the problem was, opening his grip and slowly releasing her fingers.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“Don’t be sorry.”
She smiled up at him. Watched the way his eyes crinkled ever so gently at the sides as he smiled back at her.
“Oh, no!” she exclaimed.
Ryan jumped to attention, eyes scanning, like he was looking for an enemy, but Jessica was already moving back toward the park.
“What?”
“Where’s Herc?” she gasped.
Her heart had gone from thumping out of desire to banging from terror. How could she have been that distracted? How could she not have noticed that he’d wandered off? Her baby, her best friend, her …
Hercules had been there for her through everything. When she was home recovering, cuddling up by her side as the chemo ravaged her body. Snuggling her when she couldn’t force herself out of bed in the morning. Listening to her as she’d sobbed after surgery.
He’d probably just wandered off in search of more ducks, chasing mallards again, but still …
Jessica had huge hot tears that felt like balls of fire fighting to get free of her lashes, desperate to spill, but she gulped them back, moving as fast as she could back the way they’d come.
She jumped as a hand came down on her shoulder. A hand that seemed to distribute calm energy through her body, grounding her, telling her everything was going to be okay.
“I’ll run ahead, you keep your eyes peeled.” Ryan’s deep voice was commanding as he took charge. “I’ll get him, you just stay calm.”
Jessica nodded. She wasn’t capable of doing anything else. Herc always followed along beside her off the lead, but then she wasn’t usually so distracted.
She watched Ryan thump gracefully down the sidewalk, his feet beating a steady rhythm as he jogged away from her.
“Herc!” Jessica called as loud as she could. “Come on, Herc!”
Ryan had never felt as if his heart was actually in his throat before. Maybe at the funeral, when he’d had to watch his son cry as his mother was lowered in a coffin into her grave. But that was a different kind of emotion. That was pure agony, mourning like he’d never known he could experience.
This? This was desperation, panic. Determination to find what he was looking for.
He’d settled into a quick