The Original Sinners: The Red Years. Tiffany Reisz
to meet his eyes. Even after five years, no, eighteen years, she still couldn’t look at his face without falling in love with him even more. Time sharpened the edge of her love for him. It cut into her more and more with each passing year.
“No,” she said. “You don’t. And neither does Wes. Whatever he wants to do or be, that’s his decision. I don’t own him. And you don’t own me.”
Søren rose to his full height. What charity had been in his eyes was now gone. He put his hand on the elevator key but did not turn it.
“I have seen both hell and purgatory. I assure you, purgatory is the more fearsome punishment.”
“I can be me and be with Wes, too. I don’t have to choose.”
“You will eventually. You will have to choose between this life or the one Wesley promises. You think because you’re a Switch in the bedroom, you can be a Switch in all aspects of your life. You will have to decide one day if you’re a professional writer, or just a professional who writes. And whatever you decide, you must tell Zachary who you really are. If you care about him at all, he must know.”
Nora growled. Søren was merciless tonight.
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell him. I know you were trying to scare him off.”
“Only testing his courage to see if he was worthy of you. He impressed me, but still he’s quite in love with his wife. I’ll allow him to hurt you, Eleanor, but if he dares harm you, I will not be happy with him.”
Nora repressed a shiver of fear. She’d seen Søren not happy with someone who’d hurt her before.
“I appreciate the chivalry. I think I can handle Zach on my own.”
Søren cupped the side of her face and forced her to meet his eyes.
“Marriage is a sacrament, too, Eleanor. If Zachary offers to finally leave his wife for you, will you run from him as you ran from me?”
“I told you—I didn’t run from you.”
“You can’t have him and Wesley. Neither of them will allow that.”
“I don’t have Wesley. The kid’s been with me for over a year and he’s still a virgin. Obviously I don’t have him.”
“You have him as much as I had you even when you were still a virgin. You believe he remains celibate because of his faith?”
“Of course he does.”
“Wesley is celibate now for the same reason I was celibate eighteen years ago.”
Nora scoffed. “What? Because he’s a priest?”
“No,” Søren said, leaning in to meet her eye to eye. “Because he’s waiting for you to grow up.”
Nora’s spine stiffened in fury. She took a deep breath and met Søren’s eyes. “You don’t own me anymore, Søren.” She said the words slowly, carefully, enunciating one syllable at a time. “Now,” she said, shoving her anger down, “is there anything else, sir?”
“No. There is nothing else. You’ve made up your mind about him. You won’t let him go. And you won’t turn him into one of us. And so you will let him turn you into the one thing you most fear becoming.”
“What? Happy?”
“Boring.”
Nora gasped and raised her hand to slap Søren’s perfect face. But she’d forgotten how fast he could strike. He grabbed her by the wrist before she could touch him. He pressed her flat back against the elevator. Pinning her right hand above her head while his free hand slipped through the slit in her skirt. Hard and fast he shoved two fingers deep inside her.
“Stop,” she ordered but he only pushed deeper. She panted and cursed him, hating him for how well he knew her body. His probing fingers found her most secret places and dragged her to the edge.
“You were a child when I fell in love with you,” Søren said into her ear. His warm breath on her neck sent shivers through her whole body. “You’re still a child.”
“I don’t want this,” she said, even as her body betrayed her. Her inner muscles clenched tight around his fingers, her body grew wetter and wetter with each deft movement of his hand.
“I have kept nothing from you. I gave you everything I am. I have risked my calling for you. I will not allow you to destroy yourself.”
“How am I destroying myself?” She gasped the words. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. “By loving someone else?”
“By denying yourself. You don’t love him. You only love that he loves you. This is what you love.” Søren turned his hand and slipped a third finger inside her. His thumb found her clitoris and rubbed it. “Giving yourself to me completely. Tell me this isn’t who you really are.”
“It isn’t,” she said even as she spread her legs wider and pushed her hips into his hand again and again.
“Liar.” Søren punctuated his word with a dexterous twist of his fingers, and Nora came hard on his hand, gasping with each sharp, spiking contraction. She leaned against him as the pleasure waned, and he stroked her hair. For a moment she let herself forget she didn’t belong to him anymore.
Nora stood up straight as Søren pulled his hand out of her. He took a black handkerchief out of his pocket and began casually wiping off his fingers.
“I hate you sometimes.” Nora said the words without venom or remorse.
Søren reached out and caressed her burning face.
“You’ve been saying that since you were fifteen.”
“You want me to pick you over Wes,” she said, shaking her head. “I won’t do it.”
Søren leaned in again. His hand moved to her neck, his mouth brushing her shoulder.
“The choice was never Wesley or me,” he said, cupping her breast. Nora felt a rising panic. If she didn’t stop him he would take her here on the floor with Zach just outside. If she didn’t stop herself, she would let him. “The choice is Wesley or you.”
Søren gripped her by the neck. His fingers dug into her soft skin. It hurt and yet for all the world she didn’t want it to stop. She wanted him to shove her onto the floor, wanted him to hurt her, bruise her, mark her and take everything from her…but she remembered her promise to Wesley, felt a new panic at the thought of losing him. The house would be so empty without him…
Nora pressed close to him. She would never want anyone as she wanted Søren.
“Jabberwocky,” she whispered into Søren’s ear.
Søren’s hands were off her in an instant. Even she was shocked that she’d spoken the word. In all their years together, this was only the second time she’d safed out.
Søren looked at her. She expected to see fury but he seemed strangely pleased.
“Let me go, Søren,” she said, too tired to fight him anymore. “I’m on my own now. I love who I love and I fuck who I fuck.”
Søren reached for the key again but did not turn it.
“You love whom you love. You fuck whom you fuck. I see you do need your editor after all. Go.” With an arrogant smirk he flipped the key and opened the door. Nora rushed out and into Zach’s waiting arms.
“Aren’t you forgetting something, Eleanor?” Søren called out after her. Nora grimaced and took a deep breath. She tried smiling at Zach before she turned back to Søren, now standing on the threshold between the hallway and the elevator.
Returning to him, she bobbed the necessary curtsy. But it was not enough for Søren. He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. His fingers were still damp from being inside her.
“My