A Daughter’s Choice. Cathy Sharp
since it started. Surely it can’t drag on much longer – can it?’
‘I wish I knew. Most of us who were out there at the start are sick of it – them what are left, that is. I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve only ’ad a couple of scratches but I’ve seen some of me mates catch it. Us veterans ’ave to look out fer the young uns. Most of the new recruits they’re sendin’ us now are still wet behind the ears.’
‘It must be awful.’ I looked at him with sympathy, realizing for perhaps the first time how bad it must really be for the men in the trenches, seeing their friends get hurt. ‘You will take care, Billy? I shouldn’t like anythin’ to happen to you.’
‘I’m an old ’and at it now,’ he said and grinned. ‘It’s a matter of keeping your head down. Run away to fight another day and don’t be a hero – that’s what I say.’
‘Oh, Billy …’ I laughed. ‘I can’t see you runnin’ away from a fight.’
‘You’re never goin’ ter let me forget the other night are yer?’
‘Is your lip still sore?’ I asked and shook my head at him. Now that I’d had time to think about things I felt more pleased than angry that Billy had stuck up for me. I didn’t approve of fighting, of course, but it was nice that he’d cared so much.
‘Nah. It were just a little cut. I could kiss yer – if yer like?’
‘We’ll see. I think you’d better walk me home now or you’ll be late for your train – and Da will be back for his tea soon.’
So far my luck had held and my father hadn’t questioned me about my going out with Billy Ryan. I wasn’t sure that he knew. Even if he’d noticed I wasn’t around, he’d probably just assumed I was out with friends.
Billy finished his drink and stood, holding out his hand to me. I took it and we left the pub together, strolling through the lanes, which looked brighter than usual in the warm sunshine. In the distance we could hear the rattle of the trams and a hooter from one of the ships blasting off somewhere on the river. I’d heard that morning that an American ship had made its way here safely, bringing much-needed supplies to a country that was gradually running short of almost everything.
When we reached my doorstep, Billy lingered uncertainly. He was reluctant to leave and I knew he was waiting for the kiss I’d half promised him.
‘Oh, go on then,’ I said and moved towards him. ‘You can kiss me if you like.’
Billy smiled, reached out and drew me close to him. His kiss this time was much deeper and lasted longer than the first. I felt him shudder as he at last released me and I was trembling too. I gazed up at him wondering what emotion had made me feel so shivery inside.
‘You felt somethin’ too, didn’t yer, lass?’ Billy asked, looking down into my eyes. ‘I love yer, Kathy. I ’ave fer years. Wait fer me because I don’t think I could bear it out there if I thought yer were kissin’ another bloke.’ His tone and expression were so sincere that I was moved.
‘I like you a lot, Billy,’ I whispered feeling breathless. ‘I can’t promise that I’ll marry you, but I’ll think about you – and I don’t often go out with blokes. You’re the first I’ve let kiss me.’
‘Will yer write to me, Kathy? Ma will tell yer where if yer ask.’
‘I might now and then,’ I said. ‘Take care of yourself, Billy. We’ll see how we feel next time you come home.’
‘Fair enough,’ he said and that cocky grin spread across his face. ‘You’re my girl, Kathy Cole – whether you know it or not – and I’ll be claiming you when I get back.’
I smiled, but didn’t answer him, and I lingered on the doorstep to watch as he strolled down the lane. Billy’s kiss had certainly shaken me, but I still wasn’t ready to give him an answer.
I waved as Billy turned to look at me from the corner of the lane, and then I went into the house. I was smiling to myself, about to go upstairs when a yell of rage startled me and my father shot out of the kitchen and grabbed my arm.
‘You sly slut!’ he growled at me, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of my upper arm. ‘So that’s what you’ve been up ter behind me back!’
‘Leave off, Da, you’re hurtin’ me,’ I cried and pulled back from him. ‘What’s the matter with you? I’ve only been out for a drink with a friend.’
‘You’ve been out three times with that bleedin’ Billy Ryan,’ he muttered, his face puce with temper. ‘And don’t lie to me, girl, because you were seen by one of me mates.’
‘Billy is all right,’ I said rubbing at my arm where he’d hurt me. ‘We went out a few times because he was on leave – but we didn’t do anythin’ wrong. Billy respects me. He wants to marry me.’
‘I ’eard about the fight down the Pally,’ Da shouted, his face working furiously. ‘Makin’ a show of ’imself and you with ’im. No daughter of mine is goin’ around with a bloke like that.’
‘Billy was defending my honour,’ I said. ‘Someone tried to maul me and called me names – said I was like my mother.’ I looked at him defiantly. ‘Besides, you’re always getting into a brawl when you’ve been drinking. They threw you out of the Feathers last week and told you not to go back.’
Da raised his hand and struck me a heavy blow across the face, catching my lip. I gave a cry and jerked back as I tasted blood, gazing at him in horror. He had given me a clip of the ear in passing a few times when I was a child, but he’d never hit me like that before.
‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ I said. ‘You had no right to hit me like that.’ I felt like crying but I was determined not to let him see me weep.
‘That will teach you to cheek me,’ he muttered a sullen look in his eyes. ‘Your mother was a cheat and a whore – and I’ll kill yer afore I let you go the same way. You mind what I say, Kathy. See that Billy Ryan again and you’ll be sorry.’
He pushed past me and went out of the front door, slamming it behind him. For a moment I stood staring after him feeling shocked and numb. His rages and tempers had never really frightened me before, but now I wasn’t sure what he might do next.
I tossed restlessly through most of that night, sleeping hardly at all. My face hurt where my father had hit me, but it was my pride and my sense of justice that had been hurt the most. I knew I had to change things, because I wasn’t going to let myself be beaten and used like so many of the women I knew. By the morning I had made up my mind.
‘It’s a bit desperate, Kathy,’ Gran said as I finished telling her my thoughts after breakfast. She was sitting by the fire, warming her hands round a mug of scalding hot tea, her expression anxious. ‘Ernie will come round in time. There’s no need for yer to go rushing off like this because of a quarrel. Besides, didn’t yer tell me yer had to be eighteen to enrol in the VADs? You’re not old enough until your next birthday – and that’s months away.’
‘He hit me, Gran.’ My face bore a purple bruise to prove it and I’d lain awake all night thinking about what my life would be like if I continued to go on as before. ‘If I stay here he might do it again. I’ve seen women in the lanes that get beaten regularly on a Saturday night, and I’m never going to let a man do that to me. I look old enough to pass for eighteen, you know I do – and if they want proof I’ll tell them we’ve lost my certificate. Lots of people I know would have difficulty proving their exact age.’
Gran acknowledged the truth of my words. In an area like ours some people didn’t even bother to register the birth of a child. The narrow lanes around Dawson’s Brewery had been