Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life. Harvard Publications Health
to you that’s being affected by your relative inability to focus the way you want to, your distraction or your sense of being overwhelmed by all the stimuli and messages competing for your attention?
Spend a little time digging down to the biggest benefit of getting more organized. Not one imposed by anyone else (like hanging onto your expensive glasses) but something that you get fired up about. Remember some of the statistics we presented earlier about the problems associated with distraction and disorganization: this could very well be causing sufficient stress that it might be affecting your health. Your job performance could be suffering. Or you could feel that you’re spinning your wheels, not getting ahead in school, career or life. It could also be affecting your family life.
The best motivator is to connect the change to a higher purpose (something that hits you in the gut or brings tears to your eyes); how it will help you do the things that make you thrive, realize your life’s purpose or legacy, or make a difference in your world.
Expand your motivator into a vision statement, such as:
I will improve my relationship with my children if I am better able to tame the frenzy and focus mindfully on our conversations.
I will appreciate the good things in my life more fully if I’m not distracted by the stressful “noise” in my environment.
I will be more creative and have better judgment if I detach myself from the hubbub of daily life.
I will get more done and feel better about how much I accomplish if I am not diverted and distracted.
Your motivation is truly the jet fuel for the change journey, both in the early phase as you build new fledgling connections and paths in your brain and later to keep you on track with new habits. If your motivational tank is low on fuel, you’re not likely to be successful.
MAKE SURE THAT THE PROS OUTWEIGH THE CONS
You may have one really compelling reason to change the behaviors that are contributing to your continual sense of disorganization, distraction and loss of course—or you may have several. But the reasons not to change, at least right now, may win out. Or while you may decide to push forward, you could quickly find yourself back on the fence with second thoughts, weighing whether “to do or not to do.” Psychologists call this a decisional balance. If you find yourself in such a mind-set, list the reasons to change in one column and reasons not to change in another. Even better, find someone to orally do this exercise with you. If the reasons to change clearly win, then you are ready to move forward.
No judgment allowed—if you feel badly about the reasons for not making the change and staying the same, let it go. You can’t easily move forward with a rain cloud from the past following you around, even on sunny days. From time to time we all face deeper issues that hold us back, undigested life issues or unhealed pain. You need to heal old wounds or get a new perspective on life issues with a therapist or other program designed for that purpose.
BUILD CONFIDENCE TO MEET CHALLENGES
There will always be reasons to do nothing and to talk yourself out of making changes and meeting challenges. Getting your life better organized sounds like a lot of work. It’s not the right time, you’re too busy, it’s football season, it’s your son’s graduation or your wedding or whatever. While there are periods in your life that may not be best suited for making major changes, doubting yourself as to the timing, whether justified or just a convenient excuse, will eat away at your confidence in your ability to change. Ask yourself on a scale of 1–10: “How confident am I that I will be successful in overcoming my challenge and making this change?” If your score is below a 7 then you should first spend a little time thinking through ways to handle your challenges. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
Make sure that you think you can.
Sometimes it’s as simple as scaling back the goal a little so that it moves from “I’m really anxious about whether I can really do this” to “Absolutely!” Sometimes you need to shorten your horizon: take it one day, even one hour at a time.
Or you may discover that you need to learn a new skill and gain knowledge first because you’re about to do something you’ve never done.
Set small first steps, and don’t worry about how long it takes to make them. The race to long-lasting change is usually won by those who take time to build the foundation needed for new habits to last.
ADOPT THE MIND-SET OF A SCIENTIST
As much as we would all love a quick fix or shortcut and avoid a lot of experimentation, there is no one else quite like you. Someone else’s prescription probably won’t get you to the finish line. That’s why our approach in this book is highly individualized. Here, you get options, you get choices and you get to pick what works best for you. Sure, we have some evidence-based principles to offer you; yes, I’m going to give you the information, techniques and approaches that I know can work, but just how they will work best for you, to what degree and how you’ll integrate them into your day-to-day life…well, that’s going to be up to you.
We’ll talk quite a bit about the science of the brain and how it can help you. So get into the mind-set of a scientist. Be ready to do a few experiments, observe the outcomes carefully, think back to past experiences that might be revealing and decide which habits fit you best now, based on the results. Don’t worry, I’ll help. I’m here giving you some suggestions and guidelines and a framework to help you make these changes, but ultimately it’s your experiment, and you’re the one best suited to judge the results.
CALL IN YOUR STRENGTHS
Another way to cultivate confidence is to bring your strengths and talents to the table. It’s very easy to forget what you’re good at when you’re swimming upstream. While your desk may be a mess, your kitchen pantry may be well organized. While you may feel unfocused and unable to stay on top of things, you may be quite capable of helping your colleagues organize their projects. Or you may be known as tenacious, as someone who doesn’t give up, who’s determined to close the deal, find the item you’re looking for and reach the finish line of the race. Or you’re creative and you have a knack for finding new ways to do things.
By the time we are adults, only one-third of us have a pretty clear idea of where our strengths and talents lie. We are typically much better at naming our deficiencies. If you want to learn more about your strong points, complete the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment (www.strengthsfinder.com) or do the VIA (Values in Action) Survey of Character at www.viacharacter.org. You can also ask your family members or colleagues what they think are your strengths.
The important thing to understand is that whatever realm they lie in, with a little digging you will find that you do have strengths, talents and abilities. And those strengths can be used to improve or overcome those areas in life where you are not as strong.
FOSTER POSITIVITY
Barbara Fredrickson, an author and inspirational leader in the emerging field of positive psychology, has taught us that you need to be at or above the tipping-point ratio of at least 3:1 of positive emotions to negative emotions for your brain to function at its best. In other words, you need a 75/25 percent positive energy ratio to succeed.
This isn’t just facile “put on a happy face” stuff. It’s hard to be positive all the time. Some days, it may be hard to feel positive at all. But while negative emotions are good teachers, you can’t change if your thinking and energy are impaired by too many negative emotions. Fredrickson has also taught us that positive emotions are the active ingredient enabling “resilience.” This is that wonderful quality we so admire in children. It’s caused by responding positively to adversity and is necessary for change. It’s inevitable that you will fall back from time to time. In fact, if you don’t bump into setbacks you’re probably not going to make lasting change. But try to see these challenges as teachers and friends: welcome them and appreciate them and they will serve you well.
Here are some ways to “reframe” your emotions and accentuate the positive. One way is to make peace with the past. Negativity in one area (for