Von Göttern und Dämonen in Afrika. Ineź Sytham
– ja – es kostet mich Überwindung, Herr Gibran, aber das bin ich: Eine starke, mutige Frau, sensibel und wild, zerbrechlich, unangepasst.
Wie Afrika?
Wie Shan?
Und eben: weil sich mein Herz an diesem Satz von ihm verschluckt hat, schreibe ich ihm, wieder zu Hause, in Europa:
Beatrice 30. Dezember
Shan - When the year is passing tomorrow at 24.00 o’clock I will think about you and have a desire. Perhaps it’s possible to make a short movie from our Salsa-show and I will send it to you. Would prefer to spend another day with you, eating oysters. Hope to hear from you soon. Beatrice
Shan
Dear Beatrice,
Well the new year is past and things are calming down again. Spent the whole night at the night club 'Zula' across the road. I am aiming for bed now and a long sleep.
The party was fun, even though new year can be a sad time, thinking about the past and the future.
It is in the thirties deg C here and I was wondering how you are coping with the winter weather. Not the best time to be moving flat.
I wish you all the best in the new year. I hope you can carry on building on the hard work you have got through in the last 6 months.
May you have a light heart and sleep through the night.
S
Und weil er mir beinahe unpersönlich schreibt, und weil mein Herz keine Ruhe gibt, denke ich mir in aller Stille durch, wie das sein könnte, ihm wieder zu begegnen.
Ihn einladen?
Aber hier, in mein Dorf? – Lieber nicht.
Ich wünsche mich ja selbst weg von hier, bin schon lange süchtig nach fernen Ländern. Einen neuen Lebensraum zum Atmen finden.
Jetzt – vielleicht – ist der Zeitpunkt, den Mut und die Kraft aufzubringen, an einen anderen Kontinent zu denken.
Eine gewisse Zeit im Ausland verbringen, doch immer wieder zu den eigenen Wurzeln Europas zurückkehren können - deshalb durchstreife ich seit Jahren schon mit wachen Sinnen ferne Länder
Beatrice
Dear Shan - when I hear your voice – that makes me really happy….So please send me your home-number, it’s easier and tell me what times I can reach you there. Want to talk to you, what makes you happy, what sad, what are your desires and so on. You wrote to me: If you become enlightened you will know that my kisses are better than to take the bus. I know that, Shan. And I can feel it. Longing… To meet you touched me deep inside…not just the sex though it was wonderful and with all your fire. Shan, I don’t want to make me a fool, don’t run behind a man. Because of that please be honest and tell me, if you want to meet me again (as you told me) or stop our acquaintance because it was just a flirt for you. If you want to continue I would like to discover this man more and also want to be discovered and spend more time – I invite you to me or take another flight to Cape Town to spend more time together - to see, what it is …and what happens… I would love to sleep in your arms, feeling you inside. And you ? So please give me reply. Beatrice
Shan 1. Januar
Moon`s down. Off to bed. Would have fun to talk. S
Um diese Zeit schreibt er mir, denkt an mich – und weil ich auch nicht schlafen kann, sondern voll bin mit Gefühlen, Wünschen, Träumen über Shan…
Beatrice
And why resisted calling me? Have been also watching the moon + guess why *smile*
Und nach dieser langen Pause endlich wieder ein Lebenszeichen von ihm.
Shan scheint ein Mann zu sein, der gründlich ist, nicht oberflächlich mit Begegnungen umgeht.
…von irgendwoher weht ein leises Kichern an mein Ohr….
Shan 6. Januar
Hi, Beatrice, not ignoring you, more thinking things through and will email you the truth as I see it. Tomorrow walking in the mountains. Hope all is well.
Beatrice
My dear - everybody has his own truth. Mine are the precious moments with you – doubtless that you are that special man I felt at once.
Ich nehme Dich Ernst geliebter Mann, in Respekt und – lies “meine Wahrheit” -
begann ich nicht da bereits, um etwas Unmögliches zu kämpfen?
Beatrice
Arrived 2 hours before – happy to receive your sms *very tired* kiss + cuttle* write you tomorrow.
Shan 11. Januar
Dear Beatrice,
I have thought much over the last days about what you have been asking.
Since I met you, I'm completely confused – in such a short time!
Our day together was not a holiday fling.
There was a connection, I was interested in you and what you had to say and what you had to say to me. I often wait for the message to arrive when I meet someone and there is a connection of some or other sort. Of course it is a two way affair if it happens.
I think your message to me had something to do with love and I also felt something strange inside, wonderful, exciting.
Now I am interested in what it might be.
Love?
I am interested in seeing you again. I would tend to feel guilty or "ín a corner" if you came over to South Africa because I would think, what if it goes bad in the first days?
I found you attractive and sexy. As a 43 year old man I have been looking for a companion and some one in there 30's would have been ideal. Also I have thought that maybe it is the last opportunity to be a father? But with you it would be another story –
Love, I guess.
Than its a wonder that doesn't need children, a woman like you would be fullfilling the heart of a very hungry man like me.
But I want to be honest and clear and without confusion.
Therefore need to meet you again.
Urgently.
I would like to talk to you, have an understanding flowing between us, have experiences, get to know you, have a friend – a woman – sleep in your arms and be inside you.
Maybe you can also teach me some dancing.
And finally – maybe you can show me what love is, your love – so come to me, live my life…stay with me.
Waiting for your reply.
Love
Shan.
Herzklopfen – die Tür zu einer Zauberwelt hatte sich lautlos geöffnet,
… ein schwarzer Schatten läuft leise maunzend vor mir her …
Welche Frau hätte jetzt noch ihrer Neugierde, Entdeckungsfreude, Sehnsucht nach … IHM widerstehen können?
Ich nicht.
Und nahm ein Grollen am Firmament wahr, wie leises Donnern, doch waren es die Stühle der Götter, die sie sich gemütlich zusammenrückten.
Herzklopfen.
Und so teile ich dem Mann, den ich zu lieben begonnen habe und den ich begehre, meine Wahrheit, mein Fühlen mit.
Beatrice 11. Januar
Dear Shan – In my experience we are not asked, if we are on holiday, at the butchers, on the North Pole or working …Sometimes fate