Plays on the 5,6,7,8,9,10 people. Collection №4. Nikolay Lakutin
What a morning, it's almost eleven o'clock!
Yura licks the remains of the porridge from the spoon and calls out to her mother with displeasure.
YURA (loudly, addressing the kitchen): Mom! Here it is… Need a rag… and grab a dustpan and brush!
Mom comes running with a rag, brush and dustpan, warmly greets Sanka. He's busy cleaning up after his son.
YURA (to her mother, incredulously): Mom, is it really eleven o'clock?
MOM (calmly, good): True, my son, it's already past eleven.
YURA (to her mother, indignantly): Why did you Wake me up so late? Didn't I ask you to Wake me up at nine? Today we have a business meeting with Sanka. I should have been prepared, at least had time to Wake up properly!
MOTHER (calmly, good): I did Wake you up, son. I came to you four times, but you didn't Wake up. He grumbled, swore, and threw a pillow at me one last time. Breakfast was already cold, and I had to warm it up. I tried, really.
YURA (to her mother, indignantly): So you're not trying hard. I should have done something different, I don't know… to be smart. Shamed me in front of a friend.
Yura makes an indignant grimace and rolls her eyes.
SANYA (smoothing out the corners): Come on, whatever. It happens to everyone. I've sometimes gone as far as twelve, or even as far as two.
MOM (with interest): What kind of event are you planning? Business meeting? Did you decide to get a job?
Sanek and Yura look at their mother with a disapproving, reproachful look, but they are silent.
Mom understands their look and shakes her head.
MOTHER (disappointed): Well yes… What am I, really? What kind of work in thirty-six years. Small yet. (Sanku) And it's probably too late for you, Sasha. (Resignedly, continuing cleaning) Never mind, we'll hang out sometime. I understand everything, these are difficult times, the employer is deceiving at every step. (Son) You'd better be at home, so it will be safer, and calmer. I've got a pension for a thousand dollars, and I've taken some home-sewing work. It's normal, why complain, a lot of people live worse.
The mother finishes cleaning up after her son, goes to the kitchen.
SANEK (admiringly): You have a great mother. Here is my me constantly shpynyaet – go work, go work. I may be about to turn forty, but you can't just take me. Spend priceless years of your life sitting in depressing warehouses, production halls, or dusty offices? I didn't find myself in a dumpster. It is necessary to live brightly, easily, naturally! It's so easy. Is it really that hard to understand? After all, our old people should be wise, and they are some kind of stupid on the contrary.
Yura looks reproachfully at his friend.
SANEK (making excuses): well… it doesn't apply to your mother, but in General… some generation of fools seems to have grown up in the post-war years. Well, it's understandable, in General, it was hard, it was necessary to raise the country! Education and self-development was not at all in the first so to speak needs…
YURA (turning the topic): Okay, no more demagoguery. What was there, how it was there. We met today for a very specific event, so we won't waste any time!
SANEK (clapping his hands, rubbing his hands): Yes!
YURA (businesslike): So, my dear friend. What do we have? So I'm thirty-six years old!
SANEK (cheerfully, enthusiastically): So!
JURA (business): Marriage was not seen…
SANYA (cheerfully, enthusiastically): I wasn't!
JURA (business): As in fact, and in General in the company of a girl.
SANEK (surprised): Really? What in General, what if never with anyone and never?
YURA (judiciously): It happens! Haven't you read Omar Khayyam? Here he says that it's better to be alone than with just anyone!
Sanek scratches his chin thoughtfully.
SANEK (surprised): However… And have you read much of this outstanding man's work?
YURA (hesitating): Frankly, not very much. Yes, in all conscience, only this.
SANEK (smiling contentedly): Ah…Well… that's What I thought.
YURA (businesslike): So! Again with the topic jumped. So, today we are going to find me a life partner! Or have you changed your mind to help me in this difficult task?
SANEK (smiling contentedly): What are you, old boy! Where are you without your old friend, wise bitter experience in the field of gender relations? Of course, I will help, I have already made some sketches, so to speak, variants. We are going to place an ad about Dating on the Internet?
YURA (delovo): Well, where else? Not on the fence as in the middle ages…
SANYA (business): There! I figured out how to correctly compose the ad text, so that, you know – to hook! To attract! To catch the hook of such a girl, with whom you will then swim all your life in the ocean of passion!
YURA (rather admiringly): That's what an experienced friend means! As I said! Come on, come on. What are the options you came up with?
Sanek is all of himself, he feels the master of the situation, he is the "king of the world".
SANYA (business): So, we need to show your strengths, in the most attractive light to present to the court of single girls, or not singles, this is already… you know, things happen, your person. So. Option one!
YURA (intrigued): Right?
SANEK (pathetic): A seasoned alpha male, in the Prime of life, with excellent health and a well-established genotype, is looking for a worthy candidate for the post of a faithful reliable life partner!
Sanek pauses, waiting for a reaction.
Yura looks at him indifferently.
SANEK (pathetic): What's it like?
SANEK (disappointed, drooping): Listen well… I don't know, of course, what's wrong with the genotype. About health – well… unless… Yes, I'm not exhausted by work, but I would hardly be accepted into the Olympic reserve, as if… everything is not so smooth for me. And last – a seasoned alpha male! I have no idea what to do with the girl, how to go where and what Makar, and how to get to the stage of relevance of this issue? What kind of alpha am I? Where did you find the male in me? (embarrassed) No, thank you very much, but it's not true, is it?
SANEK (cheerfully, fervently): Ha, yurok, made me laugh. Who writes the truth in ads on Dating sites? And in General, in principle, in ads. This is the most that neither is advertising! And advertising works only when it is able to convince the average person that this product, product, service or… (takes a breath, points to a friend) in this case, a person, just needs it! We have to make you the kind of macho man that hundreds of women, thousands of girls, and maybe even a dozen men will want.
Sanek twists his smile, jokingly shows his tongue.
Yura shudders at the last thing he heard. His face reflects a premonitory state.
SANEK (cheerfully, fervently): Yes, I'm joking, relax, (with a dig) although…
Yura's look makes it clear that he does not Intend to joke, not the mood.
SANEK: okay. A lot will depend on the quality of your profile picture!
YURA (timidly): A..... is it necessary?
SANEK (pressing): Of course! This is almost the most basic point! The most important first factor that will determine whether you will start to study in detail or immediately scroll through the General pile of questionnaires.
YURA (uncertainly): Listen, well… well, what about the soul there, interests… essence of man. You can't just judge someone by their appearance!
SANEK (sarcastically): Yes? You flipped through these sites in front of me last week! I saw you there looking for a soulmate, sweeping left and right all those who did not conform to the categories is not something that even a miss of a city or region, but something even a miss world or miss