Once and Again. Brenda Harlen
and she moved to embrace her friend. “I came as soon as I could.”
Kristin, still apparently baffled by her presence, sent a quick glance at her brother, as if Nick might have the answers she sought. “But why—how did you know?”
“I called this morning…” She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I caught Jake at home…he said he was on his way to the hospital…he told me about the accident.”
“He never mentioned that he spoke to you,” she said. Then she turned to Nick again, her voice carrying an edge of panic as she asked, “Where is Jake? And Katie?”
Nick rubbed a hand over Kristin’s back. “Jake had to work,” he reminded her. “I dropped him off at the grocery store and convinced Katie to take in a movie with Allison.”
“Oh, right.” She nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
While Kristin and Nick were talking, Jessica turned her attention to Caleb. She was shocked at how pale and still and silent he was. Pale, except for the raw scrapes across his cheek and on his chin. Still, except for the slow and steady rise and fall of his chest controlled by the tube down his throat. Silent, except for the rhythmic hisses and beeps of the machines attached to his tiny body.
She reached over to brush her fingers gently over the curve of his paper-white cheek. His skin was soft, cool to the touch. “You sure have grown since the last time I saw you,” she murmured.
“It’s been six years,” Kristin said tonelessly.
It wasn’t a reprimand or recrimination, just a statement of fact. Jess only nodded. “I’m so sorry, Kristin.”
“So am I—but that doesn’t help my son at all.”
Jess flinched again, even though she knew there was nothing she could say or do to make Kristin feel any better. There was nothing anyone could do to ease the inexplicable pain and anger and frustration her friend was enduring.
Nick moved away from his sister to settle into a chair on the other side of Caleb’s bed, but Jess felt his eyes on her.
“I didn’t mean to snap at you,” Kristin said after a moment of awkward silence. “I’m just not in the mood for a joyful reunion right now.”
“That’s not why I came.”
“Why did you come?”
“I thought you could use a friend,” she said softly.
Kristin stared at her for a long moment, her eyes filled with sadness, before finally saying, “Yeah, I probably could.”
The lack of enthusiasm didn’t surprise Jessica. After almost two decades, she shouldn’t have expected they would immediately fall into old habits and patterns. They’d kept in touch, but occasional letters and infrequent phone calls weren’t enough to sustain the bond they’d once shared. Especially when most of those letters and calls originated in Pinehurst. It was just one more thing Jessica regretted.
Kristin had tried so many times to get her to come back, but Jessica had always refused. She’d offered one excuse after another, but in the end, they were still just excuses.
She’d taken the easy way out: avoiding her friend and staying away from Pinehurst to ensure she wouldn’t run into Nick.
It hadn’t been easy, but it had been easier.
Easier to walk away than to risk all her hopes and dreams on a man who didn’t share her feelings. Easier to stay away than to let her best friend know that she’d fallen in love with her brother.
It was the first secret she’d ever kept from Kristin. The first, but not the last. Now there was so much they didn’t know about one another. And Jess couldn’t help but wonder if her sudden appearance only made a difficult situation even more difficult for her friend.
“I want to be here for you,” she said softly. “But I won’t stay if you don’t want me to.”
Kristin was silent for another long moment before saying, “I’m just surprised that you came.”
The simple honesty of the statement struck a sharper blow than any angry words or accusations possibly could.
Then silence descended again, awkward and all-encompassing.
It was all wrong—their whole interaction was like a badly choreographed play, as if they’d studied their lines but didn’t know how to act. They were saying the right things, and yet there was something missing. Something Jessica couldn’t define, but the absence of which made her feel incredibly sad.
“Where were you planning to stay?” Kristin finally asked.
“I’ll probably get a room at the hotel,” she said.
There was another hesitation, and another long moment passed, before Kristin said, “There’s a pullout sofa in our den.”
Then she shrugged, and Jessica knew she was waiting for her to decline the offer. As she’d declined so many offers in the past.
“I don’t know how comfortable it is,” she continued. “But it’s there. Or maybe Nick—”
“The sofa sounds perfect,” Jessica interrupted quickly.
Kristin seemed surprised by her quick acceptance, but then she managed a hesitant smile. “I’ll give you my key.”
Chapter Two
As Jess negotiated the familiar roads on her way to Kristin and Brian’s house, she was amazed by how little had changed through the years. When she’d traveled this same route a couple hours earlier, she’d been too intent on getting to the hospital to register any of the surroundings. Now that she’d seen Kristin and knew Caleb’s condition was—although still critical—at least stable, she was able to get a better impression of the town she’d grown up in.
Anderson’s Hardware was still on the corner of Main and Wilson Streets, next to Time & Again—a secondhand store—and The Book Market.
The cybercafé was new.
That café had been a pizza parlor when Jessica was in high school, and she’d worked there after school and on weekends. She’d been working the day Nick Armstrong had come home after his first year away at college, and when he’d walked into the restaurant her sixteen-year-old heart had tripped and fallen at his feet.
Nick had been her first crush. Her first lover. Her first heartbreak.
She pushed away those thoughts as she braked for a red light, coming to a stop beside Brody’s Drugstore. The front window was decorated for Halloween even though it was only the middle of September. The seasons seemed to slip past so quickly now—as her life seemed to be doing. She sighed as she continued her perusal. Across the street was Emma’s Flower Shop, with bouquets of fresh-cut flowers out front to tempt passersby; beside the florist was Beckett’s Sporting Goods store, advertising a storewide clearance on Rollerblades, skateboards and bicycles.
She felt the sting of tears again. Would Kristin ever be able to forgive her?
Would she ever forgive herself?
She pulled into the driveway and wondered if she’d made a mistake in coming back.
When she’d heard about Caleb’s accident, she’d paused only long enough to throw a few things in a suitcase. Now, as she carried that suitcase to the house, she started to doubt the wisdom of her impulsive actions. Not just because of the unplanned meeting with Nick and the unwelcome onslaught of memories, but because of the unexpected distance between her and Kristin that she didn’t know how to bridge.
She should have expected that there would be some awkwardness between them. It was naive to hope that the bonds between them would have endured despite the passing of time. But it was what she’d hoped, and she’d been foolishly disappointed to find otherwise.