Life Or Something Like It. Annie Lyons
outfits with a small boy dressed as a slightly lopsided snowman trailing behind. Cat was good at dealing with most situations but being faced with these sugar-crazed miniature humans immediately caught her off guard. She was relieved when she heard her brother’s voice.
‘Ellie, what have I told you about opening the door to strangers? Oh Cat, you made it! Come in.’ Andrew smiled. Cat’s heart surged with love and gratitude.
‘Is that for me?’ demanded Ellie, gesturing at the bear.
‘Ellie! Don’t be rude. Say hello to your Auntie Cat.’
‘You told me not to talk to strangers,’ said the six-year-old baldly. ‘Who is Auntie Cat?’
Andrew looked embarrassed but Cat dismissed his concerns with a small shake of her head. ‘You’re very clever to be careful and I’m sorry I haven’t seen you for a while but Daddy is right, I’m your auntie and this,’ she said, handing over the bear, ‘is for you. Happy birthday.’
Ellie took the bear, which was much bigger than her. ‘What do you say, Ellie?’ coaxed Andrew.
‘Thank yoo,’ said the small girl looking up at her aunt suspiciously.
‘Andy!’ shouted a voice from upstairs, which Cat recognised as Melissa’s. Andrew glanced up at the frowning face peering over the banisters. ‘Oh hey, Cat,’ said Melissa as she spotted her sister-in-law. Cat could tell that she was surprised and a little irritated by her presence.
‘Hey,’ said Cat. ‘I just popped in with a present for Ellie but I can see you’re busy.’
‘Oh no you don’t,’ said Andrew, grabbing her arm and pulling her over the threshold. ‘Are you okay, Mel?’
‘I need you to come and talk to your son,’ said Melissa with meaning. Cat could hear her ten-year-old nephew rampaging like a wild animal upstairs.
A shadow of embarrassment passed over Andrew’s face as he glanced at his sister. ‘I’ll be back in a sec. Ellie, take your aunt through to the other room and don’t let her leave, okay?’ He disappeared up the stairs leaving Cat standing in the hall with her four minders.
She smiled down at them cheerfully. Use your PR charm, Catherine, she told herself. ‘Which princesses are you?’ she asked the three girls. ‘I always used to like Sleeping Beauty.’
Ellie rolled her eyes. ‘Duh. I’m Elsa and they are Anna,’ she declared, gesturing at her friends. A look of confusion passed over Cat’s face. ‘From Frozen?’ continued Ellie as if she were addressing an idiot. ‘You know – Let it go, Let it go-ooo,’ she sang tunelessly, dancing the gigantic bear round and round. Her two friends joined in and they were soon spinning down the corridor with giggling glee. Cat and the snowman were left staring at one another. She recoiled in horror as a thick slug of snot seeped from his carrot-covered nose.
‘I’m Olaf,’ he declared before pushing his tongue up his lip and licking experimentally at the snot. Cat did her best not to gag and looked desperately up the stairs, praying that her brother would come back soon and rescue her. However, Ellie had not forgotten her father’s request. She plonked the huge bear on the floor and spun back down the hallway towards her aunt. Grabbing Cat with one hand and dragging the bear with the other, she pulled her towards the dining room. ‘Come on. You have to meet Finn,’ she said.
Cat followed reluctantly, expecting to be introduced to another grubby little boy with limited hygiene. She was surprised to find a man, sitting on the floor of the dining room, strumming experimentally on a guitar. The chairs had been cleared to the sides of the room and the table was pushed against one wall. It was covered with pieces of half-chewed pizza, curling sandwiches and what looked like strawberry jelly, all of which made Cat’s stomach flip. She was used to politely nibbled canapés and bento boxes containing neat parcels of sushi. This was cuisine carnage.
Ellie plonked herself very close to the man, whilst one little girl sat the other side of him and the other stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He obviously had some sort of magnetism for children. To be honest, Cat couldn’t quite see the attraction. He was heavily bearded with messy hair, a scruffy T-shirt bearing the words ‘I like Biscuits’, and an even scruffier pair of jeans paired with some ancient Converse trainers. He looked so at home on the floor with these pint-sized princesses, almost as if he were one of them. They clearly adored him.
Ellie put an arm round his neck and looked up at her aunt. ‘This is Finn,’ she said proudly as if she were introducing the Dalai Lama. Finn nodded up at Cat but didn’t seem to see her. He was intent on the chords he was playing, lost in a musical moment. Cat found this quite rude. ‘Come and sit down and we can sing,’ ordered Ellie. Cat looked around her. The floor was worse than the table. It was covered with crushed cheese puffs, squashed fondant fancies and pools of sticky juice. Cat glanced down at her Stella McCartney jeans and picked up what she hoped was a clean paper napkin. She placed it on the floor and sat down next to Ellie.
She glanced up to see Finn watching her with obvious amusement. For some reason this irritated Cat. How dare he laugh at her? She held out a manicured hand. She wouldn’t stoop to his ill-mannered level. ‘Good to meet you, Finn. I’m Andrew’s sister – Cat.’
Finn leant over his guitar and took her hand. She noticed how cool his touch was. ‘I didn’t know Andy had a sister. Pleased to meet you.’
‘It’s because she doesn’t come over very often,’ said Ellie, rolling her eyes conspiratorially at Finn.
Finn glanced over at Cat, suppressing a smile. ‘Is that because you’re a right royal pain in the bum, Ellie?’ he laughed.
Ellie glared up at him and then started to laugh. ‘Finn, you are so funny. I am lovely,’ she squeaked. ‘No, it’s because she doesn’t like children. That’s what Mummy says.’
Finn raised his eyebrows at Cat. ‘How does the guilty party plead?’ he asked.
Cat was incensed by his interrogation. ‘I really don’t think this is appropriate,’ she said, trying to keep her cool.
Finn regarded her for a moment. This man infuriated Cat. Who was he to judge her? She stared straight back at him with cool indifference. His face broke into a knowing grin as he turned back to the children. ‘And now, would Mr Bear like to sing a song?’ he added, gesturing at Ellie’s newest friend.
‘He would,’ said Ellie, handing him over.
Finn reached his arms around the gigantic toy and started to play the guitar, giving a rendition of ‘The Bear Necessities’ in a gruff, teddy bear type voice. The children giggled, hugging themselves with delight.
Cat was done. This man was a judgemental show-off and she was ready to leave. She had delivered Ellie’s present, put in an appearance. What more did she need to do? She didn’t have children, didn’t want children and going on today’s performance, this would never change. She was about to get up and leave when she felt someone standing next to her. She turned to see Olaf the snowman grinning at her, the plug of snot still very much in place on his top lip. Before she could move, he placed a hand on her knee and nestled down next to her. It was impossible to leave because he was now leaning on her lap and she watched in horror as he rested his head on her leg, leaving a slimy trail of mucous on her pristine jeans.
She could see that Finn had spotted what was happening, a wide grin of satisfaction spreading over his face. However, he didn’t realise that Cat was an expert at getting the best out of bad situations. She leant forward and whispered into the boy’s ear, ‘Why don’t you see if Ellie and the girls fancy a dance?’ she whispered. At these words, the little boy leapt up and started to bounce up and down with delight. He looked over at Cat who nodded with smiling encouragement. Before long the others had joined in and Cat found her moment to make an escape. She glanced at Finn imperiously but he merely smiled and nodded. She left the room feeling irritated and annoyed that she had allowed a stranger to wind her up so easily. She met her brother in the hall.
‘Sorry,