The Life You Left. Carmel Harrington
only essentials these days, no luxuries.’
‘Thing’s that tight?’ James said with a frown.
‘Yep, things are “squeezed into a pair of too small spanx” tight. I’ve been going through my savings like crazy, what little we have anyhow. Tommy and Katie both outgrew their trainers this week. And it’s coming into winter again, they’ll be needing boots. They both were asking me about Halloween costumes yesterday. All their friends are getting new ones from Woodies apparently. I went in to have a look this morning, but they’re nearly €30 each. I just can’t afford it. Then next thing it’s going to be Santa. It never ends. I’ve asked for more shifts at the boutique, hopefully I’ll get a few more for Christmas.’ Looking at James face, Sarah felt guilty suddenly. ‘You don’t need to be listening to me moaning about money. Ignore me. I’ll make it work.’
‘You can’t keep going like this. You need to track Paul down. Or let me do it for you, I can do some digging, find out where he is. It’s just not good enough him sending you the odd email telling you he needs time to sort himself out. He’s got responsibilities. He had enough wits about him to empty your bank account, he’s not that bad.’ James ended sarcastically.
‘I’ve got to go talk to the children.’ Sarah said, ignoring James last comment, because she knew he was right. No matter how much she tried to rationalise Paul’s behaviour, the fact that he took most of their money with him, made her break out in a cold sweat of fear.
‘You can’t keep dodging that bullet,’ James shouted at her as she walked into the living room. She stuck her tongue out at him. She knew she had to face up to the fact that her husband had walked out on her, but there was a bigger crisis to deal with. Taking a deep breath she turned the TV off.
‘Tommy, Katie, I need to have a chat with you.’
‘I didn’t do anything!’ Katie quickly shouted.
‘I know, nobody is in trouble!’ Sarah reassured them gently.
Gathering the kids both close to her, she gently told them that Ms Finch had been hurt badly and was now in heaven. They were both confused and scared. They’d not really had to deal with a death before; this was a first for them. And Sarah knew that there was little point in lying about how it had happened, as they would get all sorts of stories in the school yard tomorrow. She needed to prepare them for some of the things that they might hear.
‘Who hurt her?’ Tommy wanted to know.
‘Will he come and hurt us too?’ Katie added, her big eyes round with fright.
‘No, darling, nobody is going to hurt any of us. The guards will find the person who did this to Ms Finch and they will be locked up for a very long time.’ Sarah replied firmly, pulling them in even closer to her.
‘Uncle James will catch the bad person.’ Tommy said quickly. He really believed that his Uncle was a superhero.
‘Maybe, or one of Uncle James’s friends in the Gardaí. Don’t you worry; they will catch whoever did this. Bad people go to jail for a very long time, and that’s where the person who did this will go.’ Sarah promised.
‘Mammy does that mean I won’t have a teacher anymore?’ Katie asked with big tears in her eyes. ‘Do I have to stay at home now forever, and never go to school again?’
‘No, darling. Of course not. You will have a new teacher soon. I bet that one has already been picked especially for you and your class. Mr O’Leary will explain it all tomorrow when you have assembly.’
‘But who will help me make my Communion? Ms Finch said she had lots to teach us this year.’ Katie started to cry and within seconds Tommy joined in. Sarah held them close and let them stay there crying their pain out. James was in the doorway rubbing his eyes with a tea towel.
‘Onions.’ He said gruffly, not wanting to admit that the scene before him had deeply moved him.
Ella, who had up to that moment been intently playing with two plastic balls, sensed that something was going on and wanted to get in on the act. So she started to scream. James walked over to her and picked her up, quickly laying her on the floor, tickling her and blowing bubbles on her tummy. This trick always worked and very quickly she replaced her tears with giggles. The sound of Ella’s giggling was too irresistible for Katie and Tommy and both of them peeped up from their mother’s embrace, watching their Uncle James tickle their baby sister. Sniffing away her tears, Katie wandered over to join in the tickling, Tommy following within seconds. And with that the house was filled with the sound of giggles again as James tickled each of the children one by one.
Sarah smiled through her own tears and watched her family, marvelling at how resilient children were. Their world can be pulled apart in a snap of the fingers, but they just picked themselves up and found joy in their baby sister’s laughter in the next. They weren’t moping about like she had been for the past couple of weeks since Paul had left. She could learn a lot from her children.
The time had come to find her husband. Yes, he was having some kind of mental health crisis. But by walking out of their life, he had in effect given up on his parental responsibilities. He didn’t have the right to walk away from those or indeed his financial responsibilities too without at least a conversation about it all. He’d only sent a couple of hundred euros that he supposedly sent via his mother about a week after he left. Only Sarah felt it was a safe bet that Rita had used her pension to give her that money, out of embarrassment for her wayward son.
Watching her children deal with yet another blow, she realised that it was time she regained control of her life that had been spiralling out of control these past few weeks. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looking up saw it was Edward.
‘Good girl,’ Edward said to her. ‘That’s the fighting spirit I remember when you were a child.’
Smiling, she vowed that tomorrow she would start her search for Paul. But right now there was a tickle fight to be won!
Sarah woke with a start, her heart thumping so hard she felt like it was going to burst through her chest. She’d just had the weirdest dream about her postman Joey. If she had to guess all day who she might dream about, she didn’t think that Joey would have ever been on her list. He had been her postman for years and although she saw him most mornings through her sitting room window, she only spoke to him the odd time, when a parcel or registered letter would arrive. She really didn’t know anything about him on any level, other than he was punctual and very kind to the children if they did get to speak to him. Joey was in his mid-fifties she reckoned, and had a really pleasant manner. Always cheerful and if the children were around, he had a little joke or story to tell them. Sarah instinctively liked him, but if she was honest, other than when he came to her door delivering, he would never cross her mind from one day to the next.
Sarah shivered at just the mere memory of the dream.
The desperation. The poor man fumbling with a rope. A noose.
It was so vivid it felt real. But that was ridiculous, surely? She closed her eyes and tried to remember the details of the dream. Maybe it had happened in his house? She had no clue as to why he had done it, but she had felt an overwhelming wave of sadness and despair. It was incredibly unnerving.
A thought popped into her head, maybe she was losing it, and maybe she was really going mad this time. Was she having a nervous breakdown of some sort? First seeing angels and now dreaming of her postman’s suicide. She barely knew him, for goodness sake.
She looked at her mobile phone, it was 6am. Damn it, it was early but at the same time too late to go back to sleep. She crept into Ella’s nursery and straightened her up. She was as always scrunched up against the corner of the cot, blankets awry. She then peeped in at Tommy and Katie and they were both peaceful. They had to be tired because it had taken