Broken Resolutions. Оливия Гейтс
As she did so her heartbeat accelerated so hard she was momentarily dizzy. Seeing the spasm of confusion in his eyes, she sensed tension of another kind radiating from his body.
‘What’s wrong?’ he ground out.
‘I’m not going to sleep with you, Jake.’
‘Sleeping isn’t exactly what I had in mind.’
His words made her flinch. Her body hadn’t stopped aching for him, and her mouth throbbed and burned from his unbelievably passionate kisses, but the idea that he would bed her simply just to ‘scratch an itch’ hurt her deeply. Having already had the soul-destroying experience of being used by a man, she wasn’t about to set herself up to play the same old destructive tape again…
‘All right, then, let me put it this way.’ Impatiently she pushed back a drifting strand of hair from the side of her face to unwaveringly meet his gaze. ‘I’m not going to have sex with you. I won’t jeopardise my relationship with the band and neither will I be used by you because I happen to be “convenient”. And, contrary to what you might believe, I didn’t come here tonight because I had something personal in mind. All I wanted was a little reassurance because I was nervous about the performance tomorrow.’
Jake cursed softly beneath his breath. His disturbing blue eyes raked over her features, pinning her to the spot. It was clear to Caitlin that he was immersed in a deep inner tussle between utilising his common sense and trying to curtail his desire. Like her, he was still reeling from the throes of the incendiary passion they’d ignited. There was a thin film of sweat on his brow and it was evident he was still turned on. With the fulfilment of his desire evidently thwarted, now he was frustrated and angry as well as aroused.
‘Is that what you think? That I’d take advantage and use you just because I wanted sex?’ A muscle flexed warningly in the side of his exquisitely carved cheekbone. ‘If you think that then I seriously underestimated you, Caitlin. You’ve listened to all the less than flattering stories about me, bought them as fact, and condemned me even though I told you the truth about what happened between me and my ex. Don’t you remember that it was my reputation that got dragged through the mud because of the lies she wrote in that blasted article? Not hers?’
Caitlin hardly knew what to say. Was she guilty of judging Jake without trial? Without even giving him the chance to prove his character? After all, it wasn’t just him that had suddenly found himself driven by the libidinous desires of the body. She was in exactly the same position!
Sighing, he agitatedly drove through his fingers through his already mussed hair.
‘Anyway, perhaps you’d better just leave before my “questionable” character contaminates you even more. You’d better get home and get some rest. You know what’s ahead of you tomorrow and I want you to be at your best.’
Her heart almost thudded to a stop. Tomorrow would be a big day…perhaps the most important one of her life so far. It was a shame that she’d spoiled things by coming over to Jake’s and starting something she couldn’t finish.
‘I’m sorry that I—that I…’
‘Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re going to be just fine, Caitlin. That’s what you want to know, isn’t it? All you have to do is concentrate on the songs, the music. Blue Sky is a great band and they’ll be helping you every step of the way. It’s not going to be as hard as you imagine. Trust me. You’ve got a great voice and you’re a stunning-looking girl. In terms of fulfilling the criteria for success in this business, you’ve got it all. You can’t fail.’
If Jake had meant to reassure her he’d done it in a strangely reticent way. Caitlin still felt ill at ease. Plus she could easily sense the anger that simmered beneath his thin veneer of civility.
‘I was going to say that I was sorry for—’ Blushing, she was unable to complete the sentence when he was all but eating her up with his eyes.
‘Turning me on?’
‘I think I should go.’
‘As much as it pains me to agree with you, you’re probably right. Though that doesn’t mean I wish you weren’t.’
His words taunted her as Caitlin turned and fumbled with the bolt on the door. Then she fled from the room with a breathless ‘goodnight’ before she could change her mind.
Right then it was tempting for Jake to search for solace in the bottle of bourbon he had opened, but he couldn’t fool himself that it would help. He’d been through enough heartache in his life already to think that it would.
His ex’s wasn’t the only betrayal he had endured. His mother had given him up for adoption when she’d found herself pregnant at just sixteen, and the home where she had placed Jake hadn’t been able to find him adoptive parents due to his having a heart murmur. He had been in and out of hospital from birth up until he was eight years old for regular check-ups, by which time he had become quite used to being a bit of a loner. As he’d grown up and become stronger physically the heart murmur had corrected itself and he had resigned himself to living in the children’s home until he reached sixteen.
Jake hadn’t viewed it as a negative thing because by necessity it had taught him to be self-reliant. The only friends he had depended on had been his books. He had developed an insatiable curiosity about the world and had genuinely enjoyed reading and studying. Having done well in his exams, he’d managed to get himself a place at college, and then he’d found himself at university, studying cultural anthropology.
It was during that time that he had also developed an abiding interest in music. Jake’s time at college and university had been his saving grace—along with a couple of genuinely caring and interested tutors who had encouraged him to go for his dreams and never to give them up.
Now, he stalked across the thickly carpeted floor and threw open the window onto the night. He was definitely in need of some fresh air. A fierce gust of wind hit him straight in the face, startling him, but it didn’t remotely leech any of the heat from his body. He knew himself to be too far gone for that.
Even though Caitlin had left, he still burned from their passionate embrace. It was as though every nerve in his body throbbed with electricity and tension. Taking a cold shower was the obvious answer to try and ease his discomfort—but, frankly, it would be like putting a plaster on a third-degree burn. No…Jake would just have to wait it out. At least that or wait for some degree of common sense to return.
Caitlin Ryan had turned his whole world upside down. Here they were, at the start of the band’s tour, and he had fallen like a ton of bricks for their new lead singer. He wouldn’t go so far as to fool himself that he was in love with her—more in lust—but he was aware that one or two quick hot tumbles in bed were never going to be enough to satisfy the bone-deep yearning he had developed for her. Not for one moment had he meant for such a thing to happen, but somehow, in some way, Caitlin had got into Jake’s blood and there wasn’t much he could do about it.
How in hell was he supposed to keep a clear head and do all the things he normally had to do to help support and motivate the band? Get them out on the road with all guns blazing? Just seeing her every night for the next six weeks up on stage was going to be the sweetest torture. He already had to feel sorry for Rick and the others, because his mood sure as hell wasn’t going to improve if he couldn’t touch Caitlin in the way he ached to touch her. He’d either end up having to take religious vows or quit managing the band. Either way, his libido was definitely going to come under some serious duress.
* * *
The first shock Caitlin had received on reaching London was the discovery that she was going to be put up in Jake’s flat in Chelsea for the two nights they were there. It had turned out that the rest of the band all had homes in the capital, including Rick. But Jake had quickly vetoed his friend’s suggestion that Caitlin stay with him.
It had been too late for her to protest at the arrangement and organise an alternative, so she’d kept her doubts to herself