Heart Of Courage. Sue MacKay
come he was suddenly talking marriage? Alistair had warned her in an offhand way about his friend’s reputation of love ’em and leave ’em. Would he be faithful when there was no love between them? And, seriously, why should he be? Another reason to stick to her guns. ‘Why get hitched at all?’ she asked.
Uncertainty flickered through his eyes briefly and then he was in control again. ‘It’s the right thing to do.’
Oh, no, it’s not. Believe me.
‘No one gets married because they’re having a baby any more.’
‘Maybe they should. I’m thinking about our child here, and how it’s going to affect her, living in a single-parent family.’
‘It’s not uncommon these days. Not by a long shot.’ If only she’d lived with one parent and visited the other she might be making a better job of her own life. Following through on his comment, she said, ‘You don’t really want to be married. Why should you? It would cramp your style.’ When his mouth tightened she continued. ‘We’re all but strangers to each other. The worst possible grounds for settling down together, don’t you think?’
He barked a laugh. ‘To think the first time I propose I’m having to justify myself.’ His fingers whitened as his grip tightened. There’d an interesting line of bruises on his hips later. ‘What would make you reconsider your decision?’
‘Nothing.’ When he stared at her as though she’d hurt him deeply she relented. ‘It’s not about you. I was the only reason my parents married and I’ve paid for it all my life.’
The hurt dulled a little. ‘That’s sad.’
‘It was downright cruel.’ She bit on her bottom lip to prevent any more unnecessary words spilling out. She also held her breath in an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened. She never cried about her childhood. Never. The back of her hand came away from her face wet. Maybe it was time she did. Oh, sure. That would solve a whole heap of problems.
‘It doesn’t have to be like that between us and our girl.’
A sledgehammer might work better. ‘Cooper. Listen to me. You haven’t thought this through. Getting married will cramp your lifestyle so much you’ll soon become frustrated and angry and want out. Then who pays? Our daughter for one.’
And me for another.
Her mouth dropped open.
Why would I care? It’s not as though I love him. I mightn’t have been able to forget him but that’s because I’m carrying his child. I do not, could not love him.
‘Sophie? You okay?’ The man totally wrecking her day stood in front of her, concern plastered all over his face.
Blink. ‘Yes.’ Blink. No.
Sure, he’s hot and gorgeous and even fun to be around when he’s not talking about our futures, but live with him as his wife? Not likely, sunshine.
‘You’ve gone pale.’ He was studying her thoroughly. When her hand automatically rubbed her stomach his eyes dropped to watch. ‘You’re not having another pain?’
She shook her head. ‘Let’s go back to base. I’m tired.’
Annoyance replaced his concern, but he didn’t argue, just began packing up their picnic. ‘Fine.’
Being tired was quite normal these days for Sophie. But being bemused by the thought Cooper might mean something to her was new. How could he after so little time together? It didn’t make sense but, then, none of this did. Admittedly she’d feel a little less irresponsible if she could believe she had some feelings for him. Getting pregnant by a complete stranger did not sit well when she knew how much pain an unwanted pregnancy caused those involved. Justifying it by acknowledging she might’ve felt something for him that night would lighten the guilt. Sometimes she wondered what she was going to say when her daughter asked about her father. Hardly going to build confidence in her when her mother told her it had been a brief encounter of the sexual kind that had carried no other meaning than to satisfy an urge brought on by a bomb exploding metres from them.
But if Cooper hung around and became a part of his girl’s life then no explanations would be necessary. Would they?
* * *
The silence was thick enough to cut as Cooper drove back to the base. He was stunned at his offer of marriage. Where had that come from? Getting married would be totally wrong. It went against everything he believed in. He’d never stay in a relationship for long, even one involving a marriage certificate. He was his father’s son in that respect. Unfair. True. Dad had never left his wife, just all the women that had come afterwards. Mum had opted to leave them—by tying a noose around her neck and hanging herself from the garage rafter.
He shivered as the hated memory slapped him. Dad’s hoarse shout coming from the garage. Mandy, don’t leave me. Was that why his dad never settled for long? He’d often wondered but had never asked. Too much hurt to be raised if he did.
Yet none of that explained why the moment Sophie had turned him down he’d hurt bad. Really bad. No one had ever turned him down for anything quite so abruptly, and his proposal had been serious, a handing over of part of himself. Her reply had been a hot lance spearing him. He hadn’t planned on asking her, hadn’t given it much thought except to toss the idea aside as ludicrous. Still, the words had spilled out. Gratitude should be his response to Sophie’s answer. It wasn’t. ‘Now what?’
‘We swap contact details.’
He hadn’t realised he’d spoken out loud. ‘You know we’re on the same military flight out of here on Monday?’
‘I thought you were going tomorrow.’ Was that dread in her voice?
Please, no. He didn’t want her keeping him at a distance. ‘List changed my arrangements.’
‘You’re telling me you didn’t have any say in the matter? You’re in different armies.’
‘He can be bossy at times.’ Now was not the time to tell Sophie that List was concerned about her, and it especially was not the moment to be saying he agreed. That Braxton Hicks contraction had been sharp and hard, had turned her face white and her eyes wary. He wanted to be with her on the flight in case she had more or, worse, went into early labour. He did not want other men on that plane delivering their baby.
Sophie huffed something like a strangled laugh. ‘You’re not telling me anything new.’ Then she gasped. ‘He’s not done that so I’ve got a doctor on hand? He’s been nagging at me to stay here until after the birth.’
Bang on, Sophie girl. ‘You got it.’ But not all of it. He’d already figured that List was interfering, pushing them together as much as possible.
‘Fingers crossed I won’t be needing you. I’m sorry if Alistair has put you out.’
He wasn’t exactly up to speed on delivering babies so couldn’t argue with Sophie on that one. ‘I prefer the arrangements anyway. No stopping in Sydney on that flight, just straight through to Whenuapai. Home sweet home.’ Five days late meant less time getting his house sorted before taking up the temporary position at Auckland Hospital he’d signed up for while sorting out what he was really going to do.
‘Have you got your own place?’ she asked wistfully.
‘A house in Parnell. My dad house-sat for me this trip.’ And supposedly met the next great love of his life while there. Cooper’s teeth slid back and forth, grinding hard. When was Dad going to learn that none of the women he thought he’d fallen in love with were right for him?
‘I’ve got to make appointments to look at apartments to rent as soon as I get home.’ She nibbled at a fingernail. ‘I’ve never cared too much about where I lived before.’
But apparently now she did. That spoke volumes about her determination to do things right for her baby. ‘Where will you go until