Snowbound Surrender. Louise Allen
and I stole,’ he repeated, shaking his head in disgust.
‘At the orders of Wellington,’ she reminded him. ‘They made him a duke for it.’
‘That does not make it right,’ he insisted. ‘I have done things that render me unworthy of the company of any decent young lady. You deserve better.’
‘When you left, you were confident of your worth,’ she reminded him. ‘But now that all of England would honour you for your service, you have doubts.’
‘Because I was a better man, before the war,’ he argued.
At this, she laughed. ‘When you left me, you were not a man. You were a boy. In that, I suppose my brother was right. It is probably for the best that we had not married. If I had run off with you after one impetuous night, I suspect you would have made me very unhappy.’
He looked around to be sure she had not been heard, then pulled her down the hall and into the parlour. Then he shut the door against eavesdroppers. ‘Be careful what you say. Anyone might hear.’
‘Once again, you are proving that you are more careful of my honour than we were before. Back then, you drank too much. You gambled. Your pockets were always to let. You fought with your family when they tried to correct your character. You took risks and encouraged me to do the same. You took my honour in this very room without a thought as to what might happen after or who might interrupt us.’
‘If I was so repellent, you should not have allowed me within ten feet of you,’ he said, indignant.
‘As I said before, I loved you,’ she said and he watched her expression soften.
‘Back then, you were all I could think about,’ he said, with an equally fond smile.
‘And now?’ She gave him an encouraging smile in return.
‘I want to protect you,’ he said. ‘And that means I should stay away from you.’
‘One thing has not changed,’ she said, looking at him carefully, as if she could read his soul by looking into his eyes. ‘You are as stubborn as ever. You seem to think that hardship has done you ill. You are more serious than you were. And more cautious as well. But I see nothing unworthy about you, if that is what you fear. You served your country well and have earned any peace you wish to have.’ Then she sighed. ‘But I am disappointed that you did not wish to have it with me.’
Now he felt more ashamed than ever. ‘I told myself that you had found happiness in my absence. I was afraid to seek the truth, lest what we had done...what I had done to you had ruined your chances in some way.’
‘If I had died in the street because of you, I am sure my brother would have informed you of the fact,’ she said, smiling.
‘That is nothing to joke about. Suppose there had been a child? I was halfway to Lisbon before I considered the possibility. Only then did I realise what a fool I had been for leaving you.’
‘You were foolish. So was I for not putting a stop to what we were doing and saving us both the risk. But I do not regret it, do you?’
‘No,’ he said without hesitation. ‘I cannot imagine my life without that night in it. It has been the one touchstone by which I measure all happiness, all goodness.’
‘If there had been a child, I would have written you,’ she said. ‘And demanded that you return. Do not think that my pride would have been greater than common sense. If there was any mistake made, it was a long time ago and I have forgiven myself for it and you as well. And as for the rest?’ She shrugged. ‘Perhaps you cannot go back to the way you were. But that does not mean you are obligated to continue down a path that you do not like.’
Her logic was clear and hard to refute. And though he had meant to avoid her and preserve his sanity, his heart felt lighter for having talked with her. ‘Very well, my dear Lucy. For you, I shall be a better man, just as I always intended.’
‘Then let us celebrate your new resolve,’ she said, looking up and past him.
They were still standing in the doorway of the parlour, beneath the kissing bough, in the same spot they had been when she had changed his life.
He shook his head and made to back away.
‘Just one kiss, Jack. There will be no harm in it.’
She had said something similar, that faraway night, and he had been just as entranced then as he was now. ‘Just one,’ he repeated, stepping close to her and lowering his mouth to hers.
She tasted of apples. Or perhaps it was him. Her lips were sweet and fresh, and they made him feel young, awake and alive, just as he had when plunging his head into the apple bucket.
Her arms twined about his neck, clinging to him as if she needed his support. How she would laugh if she knew that she was the strong one, breathing new life into him as she opened her mouth in surrender. Though he knew he should, he could not manage to refuse her offer. He deepened the kiss and gave her what she wanted.
With each thrust and parry of their tongues, he felt his fears for the future lessen. He put his hands around her waist, steadying her and himself and wishing this innocent moment could never end. But just as he had the last time they kissed, he felt dangerous stirrings in his body and the desire to end the night in passion.
Gently, he set her aside, making her moan and reach for him again.
‘You said one kiss,’ he reminded her.
Her grin was as impish as ever. ‘I lied.’
‘If you thought that this would change anything... If you thought it would change me? You were wrong,’ he said, silently praying for the strength that he had not had when he was younger.
‘I do not want to change you,’ she said. ‘I like you just as you are. I only want to change your mind.’ Then she rose up on tiptoe, kissed him on the chin and plucked two berries from the kissing bough, whistling as she opened the door, walked into the hall and left him alone.
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