The Guilty Party. Mel McGrath
the cashier or Anna the contents of my bag.
Moments later, we’re back out on the street, and I’m carrying a four pack but, when Anna and I reach the appointed spot, Bo and Dex aren’t there. Thinking they must have walked some short distance along the river path we call and, when there’s no answer, head off after them.
On the walkway, the black chop of the river slaps against the brickwork, but there’s no sign of Bo or Dex.
‘Where did the boys go?’ asks Anna, turning her head and peering along the walkway.
‘They’ll turn up,’ I say, watching the supermoon sliding slowly through a yellow cloud.
‘It’s a bit creepy here,’ Anna says.
‘This is where we said we’d meet, so. . .’
We send texts, we call. When there’s no response we sit on the steps beside the water, drink our beers and swap stories of the evening, doing our best to seem unconcerned, neither wanting to be the first to sound the alarm. After all, we’ve been losing each other on and off all night. Patchy signals, batteries run down, battery packs mislaid, meeting points misunderstood. I tell Anna the boys have probably gone for a piss somewhere. Maybe they’ve bumped into someone we know. Bo is always so casual about these things and Dex takes his cues from Bo. All the same, in some dark corner of my mind a tick-tick of disquiet is beginning to build.
It’s growing cold now and the red hairs on Anna’s arms are tiny soldiers standing to attention.
‘Shall we call it a day?’ she says, giving me one of her fragile smiles.
I sling an arm over her shoulder. ‘Do you want to?’
‘Not really, but you know, we’ve lost the boys and . . . husbands, babies.’
And so we stand up and brushing ourselves down, turn back down the alley towards Wapping High Street, and that’s when it happens. A yelp followed by a shout and the sound of racing feet. Anna’s body tenses. A few feet ahead of us a dozen men burst round the corner into Wapping High Street and come hurtling towards us, some facing front, others sliding crabwise, one eye on whatever’s behind them, clutching bottles, sticks, a piece of drainpipe and bristling with hostility. A blade catches the light of a street lamp. We’re surrounded now by a press of drunk and angry men and women. From somewhere close blue lights begin to flash.
‘We need to get out of here,’ hisses Anna, her skinny hand gripping my arm.
They say a person’s destiny is all just a matter of timing. A single second can change the course of a life. It can make your wildest dreams come true or leave you with questions for which there will never be any answers. What if I had not done what I did earlier that night? And what if, instead of using the excuse of another beer to test the loyalty of my friends and reassure myself that, in spite of what had happened earlier that night, I couldn’t be all bad, I had been less selfish and done what the others wanted and gone home? Would this have changed anything?
‘Come on,’ I say, taking Anna’s hand and with that we jostle our way across the human tide, heading for the north side of the high street but we’re hardly half way across the road when we find ourselves separated by a press of people surging towards the tube. Anna reaches out an arm but is swept forwards away from me. I do my best to follow, ducking and pushing through the throng but it’s no good. The momentum of the crowd pushes me outwards towards the far side of the road. The last I see of Anna she is making a phone sign with her hand, then I am alone, hemmed in on one side by a group of staggering drunks and on the other by a blank wall far too high to attempt to scale.
Moments later, the crowd gives a great heave, a space opens up ahead and I dive into it, ducking under arms and sliding between backs and bellies and a few moments later find myself out of the crush and at the gates of St John’s churchyard, light-headed, bruised and with my right hand aching from where I’ve clutched at my bag, but otherwise unhurt. I feel for my phone and, checking to make sure no one’s looking, use the phone torch to check inside the bag. In my head I am making a bargain with God. Let me get out of here and I will try harder to believe in you. Also, I will find a way to make right what I have done. Not now, not right away, but soon. Now I just want to get home.
The light falters and in its place a low battery message glows. God’s not listening and there’s nothing from the others. I tap out a group text, where r u?, and set myself to the task of getting out.
Taking the path through the churchyard, feeling my way past gravestones long since orphaned from their plots, I head along a thin, uneven stone path snaking between outbuildings at the back of the church. From the street are coming the sounds of disorder. Somewhere out of view a mischief moon is shining, but here the ground is beyond the reach of all but an echo of its borrowed light and it’s as quiet as the grave.
The instant my heart begins to slow there’s a quickening in the air behind me and in that nanosecond rises a sickening sense that I’m not alone. I dare not turn but I cannot run. My belly spasms with an empty heave then I am frozen. Does someone know what I’ve got? Have they come to claim it? What should I do, fight for it or let it go?
A voice cuts through the dark.
‘Cassie, darling, is that you?’
There’s a sudden, intense flare of relief. Spinning on my heels, I wait for Anna to catch me up. ‘Oh I’m so glad.’ She flings an arm around my shoulders and for a moment we hug until the buckle of my bag digs into my belly and I pull away. What a shitty birthday this has turned out to be. If they knew what I’d done some people would say it’s kismet or karma and if this is the extent of it I’ve got off lightly. They’d be right.
‘Have you seen the others?’ I ask Anna.
‘Bo was with me for a bit. He and Dex got caught up in the crowd which was why they didn’t make it to the Old Stairs, then they got separated. No idea where Dex is now. He might have texted me back, but my phone’s croaked.’
‘I got nothing from him either.’
‘You think we can get out that way?’ She points into the murk. ‘Hope so.’
We pick our way down the pathway into the thick black air beside the outbuildings, me in front and Anna following on. As we’re approaching the alleyway between the buildings my eye is drawn to something moving in the shadows. A fox or a cat maybe? No, no, too big for that. Way, way too big.
I’ve stopped walking now and Anna is standing right behind me, breathing down my neck. Has she sensed it too? I turn to see her pointing not to the alley but to the railings on the far side of the outbuildings.
‘Anna?’
‘Thank God!’ She begins waving. ‘The boys have found us – look, over there.’ In the dim light two figures, their forms indistinct, are breaking from the crowd and appear to be making their way towards us.
‘Are you sure it’s them?’
‘Yes, I can tell by way they’re moving. That’s Dex in front and Bo’s just behind him.’
I watch them for a moment until a group of revellers passes by and the two men are lost from view. From the alley there comes a sudden cry. Spinning round I can now see, silhouetted against the dim light of a distant street lamp, a man and a woman. The man is standing and the woman is bent over with her hands pressed up against the wall, her head bowed, as if she’s struggling to stay upright. I glance at Anna but she’s still looking the other way. Has she seen this? I pull on her arm and she wheels towards me.
‘Over there, in that alley.’ It takes a moment for Anna to register, a few seconds when there is just a crumpled kind of bemusement on her face and then alarm. The man has one arm around the woman’s waist and he’s holding her hair. The woman is upright now but barely, her head bowed as if she’s about to throw up.
Anna and I exchange anxious looks.
Every act of violence creates an orbit of chaotic energy around itself, a force beyond language or the ordinary realm of