The Birdman's Daughter. Cindi Myers
band. They write all their own songs and stuff. You would have really liked them.”
It would have been easier to come down hard on Casey if he were surly and uncommunicative, but he had always been a sunny child. She reminded herself it was her job as a mother to try to balance out some of that sunniness with reality. “Dad tells me the school counselor called him last night.”
“It’s all such a crock,” he said. “All they do is teach these tests. The teachers don’t care if we learn anything useful or not. Why should I even bother?”
“You should bother because a high school diploma is a requirement for even the most entry-level jobs these days, and Mom and Dad aren’t going to be around to support you forever.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Mom. I’ll be okay.”
Okay doing what? she wanted to ask, but didn’t dare. The last time she’d hazarded this question, he’d shared his elaborate plan to become a championship surfer in Hawaii—despite the fact that he’d never been on a surfboard before.
“What are you going to do this summer?” she asked instead. He had only one more week of school before vacation.
“I thought maybe I’d just, you know, hang out.”
He was fast becoming an expert at hanging out. “Your dad could really use your help. Without me there he’s having to do more of the office work.”
“Matt’s helping him. A friend of mine has a job life-guarding at the city pool. He thinks he can get me on there. That would be a cool job.”
Any job was better than no job, she supposed. “All right, if you get the job, I’ll talk to your dad.”
“When are you coming home?”
The plaintive tone in his voice cut deep. “I don’t know. In a few weeks. By the end of the summer, for sure.” Her original plan for a short visit seemed unrealistic now that she’d seen her father and realized the extent of his disability.
“How’s Grandpa?”
“He’s okay. The stroke paralyzed his left side, though with therapy, he should be able to get back to almost normal.” She hoped.
“That’s good. Tell him I said hi. Dad wants to talk to you again.”
Tom got back on the line. “He says he’s going to get a job lifeguarding at the city pool,” she said. “Maybe it would be a good thing for him to work for someone else for a summer.”
“Yeah, then he’d find out how good he’s got it now.” He shifted the phone and called goodbye to the boys as they left for school and work, then returned to their conversation. “What did you tell Casey when he asked how long you’d be gone?”
“I told him I’ll be home by the end of the summer, at the latest.” She didn’t know if she’d last that long, but she’d made a commitment and couldn’t back out now.
“I don’t know how we’re going to do without you here for that long. I was thinking it would only be a few weeks.”
She took a deep breath, fighting against the tension that tightened around her chest like a steel band. “I know I said that, but now that I’m here, I can see that was unrealistic. He’s going to need more time to get back on his feet.”
“Then your mother and brother should pitch in to help. They live right there and neither one of them has a family.”
“They won’t help. Del hardly spent five minutes here yesterday.”
“What about a nursing home? Or a rehab facility? His insurance would probably even pay for part of it.” Tom was in problem solving mode now. For him, everything had a simple answer. But there was nothing simple about her relationship with her father.
“It would kill him to be in a place like that. To have strangers taking care of him. You know how he is about his privacy. His dignity.”
“I know he’s never gone out of his way to do anything for you. And we need you here.” The no-nonsense tone she admired when Tom dealt with vendors and difficult customers wasn’t as welcome when it was aimed at her.
“I know you do,” she said, struggling to keep her temper. She’d been away from home scarcely twenty-four hours and he was already complaining. She’d wanted sympathy from him. Support. Not a lecture. “Right now, Dad needs me more.”
“What are you going to do if your father doesn’t recover enough to look after himself again?” Tom asked.
“I don’t know.” Having him come live with them in Denver was out of the question. The doctor had already told her his lungs couldn’t handle the altitude. She sighed. “If Dad doesn’t improve by the end of the summer, we’ll probably have to put him in a nursing home. But give me this summer to try to help him, please.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice softened. “I don’t mean to pressure you. I just…it’s hard to think about dealing with the business and the boys without you. Casey’s not the only one in this house who didn’t realize how good he’s got it.”
She laughed, as much from relief as mirth. “You keep thinking like that. And see when you can get away to come see me.”
“I’ll do that.”
They said their goodbyes, then she dressed and made her bed, and went to get her father ready for his first therapy appointment.
What she hadn’t been able to say to Tom was that she needed to stay here right now as much for herself as for her father. She needed to see if being forced together like this, they could somehow find the closeness that had always eluded them before.
That afternoon, Casey lay on his bed and tossed a minibasketball at the hoop on the back of the bedroom door. If he aimed it just right, the ball would soar through the hoop, bounce off the door and sail back to him, so that he could retrieve it and start over without changing positions.
Matt was in the shower in the bathroom next to the bedroom they shared. Casey could hear the water pounding against the tile wall, and smell the herbal shampoo Matt liked. He was getting ready to go on a date with his girlfriend, Audra. Were they going to have sex? Casey knew they’d done it because he’d caught Matt hiding a box of condoms in the back of his desk drawer, where he thought Mom wouldn’t find them. Casey had given him a hard time about it. “You’re nineteen, for Christ’s sake,” he’d said, while his older brother’s face turned the color of a ripe tomato. “You shouldn’t have to hide something like that.”
Matt had shoved the box back in the drawer. “Right. Mom would have a cow if she knew.”
“Mom’s always having cows. She’ll get over it.”
He smiled and tossed the ball again, remembering the exchange. The trick to handling Mom was to smile and nod and let her go on for a while, then give her a hug or a kiss and continue as you always had. She was really pretty easy to handle once you knew the secret.
She’d sounded all worried and sad on the phone this morning. Maybe she was upset about Grandpa. That would be pretty rough, seeing your dad in the hospital, all helpless and old. That had probably freaked her out. Mom pretended to be all tough sometimes, but she was still a girl.
He caught the basketball on the rebound and launched it again. What would it be like to have a stroke? Mom had said Grandpa couldn’t use his left side. Casey lay back and stiffened his left arm and leg, pretending they were useless. He imagined trying to walk, dragging his paralyzed leg behind him. If you tried to eat, would you get food all over yourself?
He relaxed and let his mind drift to other topics. Mom had said she’d talk to Dad about the lifeguard job. That was cool. He knew he was a disappointment to his dad, who wanted him to be more like Matt. Matt was the perfect son. He was going to college and would take over the business someday. Cool, if that’s what he wanted, but couldn’t they see Casey didn’t want