Regency Society. Ann Lethbridge
I’ve not seen him take to anyone as he has to you, miss, not for years. He’s laughed more these past few weeks than he has since his wife died. He became almost a recluse after his daughter died young. If it had not been for Master Luke he might have given up altogether. Yet he found it hard to show his feelings—just as Master Luke does. I know the earl better than most and I can tell you that his heart has been broken more than once.’
‘I dare say he missed both his wife and his daughter a great deal.’
‘Not that he let on. He just became more buttoned up, if you’ll excuse the phrase—but I think you’re right, miss. Shut himself off, he did, but he’s come back to us since you arrived. I don’t know what he’d do without you now, miss.’
‘Yes, I think he is happier than when I first came,’ Roxanne said and went into the bedchamber. The earl was lying with his eyes shut, but when she sat down close to his side, he opened them and looked at her.
‘You’ve come, then,’ he said. ‘I hoped you might when they’d all gone. Has that grandson of mine gone too?’
‘No, I do not think he plans to leave us just yet,’ Roxanne said. ‘He cares for you more than you might think, sir.’
‘He never showed it before you came. Mind you, I haven’t exactly been loving towards him. I was grieving and so was he. We lost touch and when a breach opens up it’s hard to cross it. We’re both too damned proud for our own good and that’s the truth. We can’t say sorry—and neither of us knows how to love.’
‘I would not say that, sir. Perhaps you find it hard to show your love. I imagine it must be difficult, particularly for two very prickly and stubborn gentlemen.’
‘You’ve worked us out, haven’t you?’ The earl nodded as she merely smiled. ‘I underestimated you when you first came. I wonder if Luke has too. He doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, girl. I was just the same as a young man. It took my Emily to make me realise what love should be and when she died she took my heart with her.’
‘Yet you do love Luke and he loves you. Do you not think you should tell him before it is too late?’
‘Perhaps you’re right,’ he agreed. ‘I’ve held back all my life—afraid of making a fool of myself or being hurt again, I suppose.’
‘It is hard for everyone to trust once they’ve been hurt. Now, would you like me to read to you for a while or would you prefer to sleep?’
‘I’ve all night for sleeping. Tell me about yourself, Roxanne. Tell me about Sofia—and the life you led with her and the travelling players. I knew a young woman by that name once. She was very beautiful, but she never looked at me. Who knows, had she given me encouragement everything might have been different.’
‘While Sofia lived I was happy with her,’ Roxanne said. ‘She was like a mother to me and she took away the dark emptiness inside me. I wish I might tell you who I am, sir, but apart from a vague feeling about India, which may be merely a game we once played, I remember nothing.’
‘I can tell you that you’re a lady born,’ Hartingdon said. ‘I’ve watched to see if you would let the act slip and you never have. If it were an act, Roxanne, you would make a mistake. No, you’re a lady—and you love my grandson, whether he deserves it or not.’
‘Yes,’ Roxanne said softly. ‘I do, but please do not tell him that for he may not wish to hear it. Sofia was a lady, too, though she did not care for society. She found the social drawing rooms shallow and too insipid. For her drama and life lived to the full was more exciting than a life of domestic cares. She led an exciting life, but in the end I think she regretted that she had not known a true and lasting love.’
‘And you—are you like her, Roxanne?’
‘No, I do not think so. I believe I should enjoy a life in the country, devoted to family and friends and the service of others. I do not wish to be a courtesan and have princes fight over me, as she did.’
‘You’re like my Emily,’ he said and closed his eyes. ‘Tell me some more…about your acting and…’ His voice trailed away and she knew he was sleeping.
Roxanne sat quietly by his side. He woke after a little while and smiled at her, then drifted off to sleep again, reassured that she was there. She held his hand for a while and gave him a drink when he asked.
It was almost midnight when the door of his bedchamber opened and Luke entered, wearing a long silk striped robe, his feet bare.
‘Are you still here?’ he said softly. ‘You should go to bed now, Roxanne. I shall sit with Grandfather for a while.’
‘I will return in a few hours,’ Roxanne said. ‘I do not want him to be left alone, Luke. It is important that he feels loved and wanted, because then he will have the strength to go on.’
‘You really do care for him, don’t you?’
Roxanne inclined her head. She wanted to tell him that the earl was not the only one she cared for, but the words remained unspoken. She’d said too much the previous night and Luke’s anger had shown that he did not wish for her love. He had offered her a business arrangement, not a loving relationship. Unless she wished to end it, she must let him think that her emotions were not truly involved. Luke had been deeply scarred; he was afraid of loving, afraid of commitment.
‘Yes, I have become very fond of him,’ she said. ‘I shall sleep because I must, but call me if you need me.’
‘Yes, of course. If he wakes and asks, I shall send for you, Roxanne. Goodnight, sleep well.’
Roxanne made no reply as she walked from the room. Her thoughts were with the earl, but as she opened the door of her bedchamber, for a moment she was apprehensive as she recalled the events of the previous night. However, her room was just as it ought to be.
She refrained from summoning a maid and managed to unfasten her gown without help. In bed she lay for a moment, her eyes stinging with tears she would not allow herself to shed. It was her fault for allowing herself to fall in love. Luke had never promised her love, only comfort and a home. She told herself it was enough and then at last she slept.
Roxanne was not summoned to the earl’s side that night but at half past six the next morning she went to his room and found that Luke was still there, his long legs stretched out before him as he dozed in the armchair. He woke as she entered and looked at her sheepishly.
‘I must have dozed off,’ he apologised. ‘I do not think he called out or I should have heard.’
Roxanne looked down at the earl. His eyes were closed, but as she bent over him, he opened them and then deliberately winked at her.
‘Good morning, Grandfather,’ she said and bent to kiss his cheek. ‘How are you this morning?’
‘Better,’ he grunted. ‘What on earth that grandson of mine wanted to sit there all night for I’ve no idea.’
Luke had risen to his feet and was stretching his shoulders, clearly feeling the effects of an uncomfortable night. ‘Roxanne would have insisted on sitting with you had I not taken a turn,’ he said. ‘I’m glad to see you better, sir. I will call and see you later. Please excuse me.’
‘Much good he would have been,’ the earl said as the door closed behind him, but there was no malice in his words, just a hint of amusement. ‘His snoring would waken the dead.’
‘I’m sorry Luke’s snoring disturbed you. How long had you been awake?’
‘An hour or so, perhaps. I hadn’t the heart to wake him, but I need Marshall’s assistance. Fetch him to me, girl, and then take yourself off for a few hours. You must have something you need to do?’
‘I believe I shall speak to Minty about flowers for the wedding,’ Roxanne said and smiled. ‘You’re a sly old fox, sir. If I didn’t know better, I would think you had a plan to bring us all to