The Greek Bachelors Collection. Rebecca Winters
But I wouldn’t have used a man less decent than you are.”
He barked out a disbelieving laugh. “Nice.”
“That didn’t come out right. I’m saying that I didn’t expect to have sex with you, but it happened because I respect you. And I’m not sorry. I’m happy we made Zephyr. I was resigned to not having children so...” She was saying too much. With a pleat stressing her brow, she clammed her mouth and decided they’d talked enough for one night.
“Really?” He tucked in his chin. “You’re the most natural person I’ve ever seen with kids. Was there something wrong that made you think you couldn’t have any?”
They’d definitely talked enough.
“I told you my career was important to me,” she mumbled, casting about for the last of the toys, but they’d tidied up all of them.
“And you still have a career despite being a single parent. Not always an ideal situation, I’m sure, but I can’t believe you didn’t see before Zephyr that kids and career can coexist. You must have considered it an option. You didn’t say you weren’t planning to have kids, but that you resigned yourself not to, like you didn’t think it was possible. Are you okay, Jaya? Because my sister may not have confided all the trauma of her miscarriages, but I’m aware there can be complications with any pregnancy. It makes me a real bastard for not protecting you that night if I put your life at risk.”
“Have you listened at all? I was textbook normal. I’m made to have babies and I’m not sorry I had him. Not one bit. That’s all I meant. Now we should get some rest. Even if they sleep through the night—which they won’t—they’ll be up early.” She tried to scoot past him.
He caught her arm.
She caught her breath.
Silly, silly Jaya. Still flushing like a preteen at this man’s touch. Shyness kept her face averted. She didn’t want him to see how much he still affected her.
His thumb brushed her bare skin, hot palm leaving an imprint of his firm but gentle grip. Those hands. Knowledge burned in a trail from the light caress of his thumb to the pit of her stomach and lower, flooding her inner thighs with tingling warmth. Her face stung with the pressure of a hard blush.
He cleared his throat and pulled his touch away like he felt the scald. When he spoke, he didn’t pursue the other topic, but floored her with something else.
“When I asked if there was someone in your life, I meant a man. Is Zephyr it, or is there someone else I should be worried about?”
“Would you be?” she asked, snapping her head up then regretting it. He must be able to read the flush of awareness savaging her, but he looked his old, contained self.
“This is complicated enough without navigating some other man’s sense of claim.” So aloof. So hands-off. She was back in Bali, heart tattooing her breastbone like a moth against a window, trying to reach the light.
She looked away and rubbed the feel of his touch from her arm. “No, there’s not. What about you?” The question escaped as the horrifying thought occurred.
“Are you kidding? No.”
“Still playing concierge for the Lonely Hearts Club?” she sniped, annoyed.
“Open to new members. Always.”
Ouch. She set her jaw, trying not to let his flippancy bother her. He was only trying to prove his shallowness. Maybe he is that shallow, Jaya. There’s not a woman in the world with enough training to fix me. Don’t try.
She needed to believe he was better than what he was pretending though, she needed it like oxygen. It was how she had let down her guard with him that night. Yes, his rakish ability to give her pleasure had made the memories he’d given her particularly delicious, but her trust in him had been the groundwork. She had believed him to be a good, honorable man, which had allowed her to put herself in his care.
“Don’t be less than you are, Theo.”
“Don’t imagine I’m more.”
“I’m only expecting you to be you, the man who saw potential in me and gave me a chance to develop it. You’re fair. You’re kind. Sometimes you’re funny. This isn’t a test. You don’t have to pass it right now. We have a few days. Apparently,” she added with a jerky shrug. “Can’t we use this time to figure out how to proceed? Do we have to spit out a settlement contract this evening so you can run out the door tomorrow? Maybe the reason you don’t have close relationships is because you don’t stick around to nurture them.”
He rocked back on his heels. “Touché.”
“Was that harsh?” she asked, not as repentant as she could have been.
“No, it’s true. I’m as much of a moving target as I can make myself.”
The reasons behind that coping strategy put a lump in her throat. She tried to swallow it back with little success.
“Well, this is a safe place,” she reminded in a strained tone. “You made sure. No one can hurt you here.”
For a few seconds she thought she might have gone too far, appealing to the frightened child in him.
His dry chuckle had a coarse edge. “Okay, sure. I suppose we’re stuck here,” he said without inflection. “No need to rush to act.”
Stuck again. Reacting to that awful word, she said, “There are worse things than taking a day off to play with children, you know.”
“I know.” His shoulders slumped heavily.
Now she really did feel sorry, but he walked away before the apologetic hand she reached out could touch him.
* * *
It was a sleepless night and not just because he had to walk Androu twice. Theo’s mind wouldn’t stop so he was grateful to have a reason to pace. The boy’s warm weight on his arm was oddly comforting as he patted his little back to soothe him.
Jaya had to show him how, of course, demonstrating on Zephyr. “He might be with me, but it’s still a strange place,” she whispered in explanation of the boy’s restlessness. She settled him with expert swiftness and disappeared into her room.
He dragged his eyes off the way her hotel-issued robe draped the curve of her hips and showcased her slender calves. No man in her life and whose fault was that? His. He’d taken a chance with unprotected sex because he’d been anxious to lose himself and his problems in an orgasm.
Which wasn’t entirely true. As he stared across the twinkling lights of Marseille to the dark expanse of the Med, he allowed that Jaya had never been like the other women he pursued. She was special. His need that night had been as much about a desire to be with her as it had been to escape his emotional turmoil. Her announcement she was leaving Bali had lit a torch of panic in him. He’d needed, quite literally, to hold onto her.
Maybe some primitive part of him had even been seeking the permanent connection of a blood tie. As much as he’d like to dismiss his failing to protect her as a state of crisis and thoughtlessness, he’d never neglected a condom in his life. He always thought ahead to consequences. Fear of a beating had predisposed him to it.
So he couldn’t pretend he’d simply been carried away. He’d made a conscious decision to take a risk.
Creating a child without due care and attention seemed like the kind of enormous mistake he ought to be punished severely for. His body was reacting with the same tense anticipation of hell he’d grown up trying to ignore. The clogged chest, clogged throat and anxiety ought to be far behind him, but he could hardly breathe. Sleep had never been a safe escape. Voices could rise in the next room, furniture could topple. Babies could wake and nightmares became real.
The troubling memories kept him tossing and turning even after Androu settled. Then Evie woke like a five alarm fire, jarring him and making his heart pound.