Never Surrender. Lindsay McKenna
is so beautiful, Gabe.” She leaned down, sought and found his mouth. For long moments, the wooden carving sat curled safely in her palm as Bay felt his mouth gently taking hers. Sorrow tore through her as Gabe’s mouth moved strongly against her lips, reminding her once again, she was his woman. This was their last night together.
Oh, Lord, give me strength to be strong for him. Don’t let me cry. Don’t let me show him how sad I am about leaving him. Please...
Gabe reluctantly left her warm, wet lips. He saw love shining in her eyes for him alone, saw her sexual desire for him, as well. He had a night planned for her, a surprise, he hoped in keeping with the magical world she lived within. Somehow, Gabe wanted to atone for hurting her that morning when she’d talked about the jaguar warriors. He’d laughed at her silliness.
Desperately casting around for some way to make it up to her, Gabe recalled something Bay had told him last year that he’d never forgotten. Tonight, he was going to surprise her with it and prayed it would touch her heart and she’d forgive him for hurting her. Bay loved surprises, more child than adult when it came to Christmas gifts, as Gabe had discovered. By her being able to be childlike, it had helped him to discover his own inner child. Gabe never thought he had one, always the adult who had matured very early in his life. His heart warmed as he watched the awe in her face as she delicately picked up the jaguar and closely studied it.
“When I told you about the jaguar warriors,” she said, breathing softly, holding his dark gaze, “you made fun of me.” Holding up the delicately wrought cat, she shook her head. “You believed me, didn’t you?”
Sliding his arm around her waist, drawing her against him, Gabe felt a sense of peace descend over him. To the west of where they sat, the sun was almost touching the Pacific Ocean. The high clouds lying horizontal to the ocean looked like cake layers above it. The clouds were suffused with pink-and-orange tiers of color, as if celebrating their joy with one another. “I should never have teased you about it.” Why had he? Gabe didn’t know, and it had bothered him all week. He loved Bay. He never wanted to intentionally hurt her. And he had.
“I’m not one of your SEAL buddies,” she said, her voice low with feeling. She closed her hand, tucking the carving in her palm and holding it against her beating heart. “I know SEALs play mean and rough with one another. But I’m going to be your wife in six months. I know you guys are unmerciful, but I’m not from your world, Gabe. We have to create a world that is only for us. You can’t drag your SEAL teasing into it.”
Gabe felt his heart rush open with incredible love as she slid her arms around his shoulders and rested her head against his. “Sometimes,” he admitted quietly, “I think you’re nothing more than my lonely imagination, Bay. As a kid, I used to dream...but I stopped dreaming when I was about five. I felt lost. Like I’d lost something precious that I should have had, but no longer had. And then you dropped into my life. All my lost dreams had suddenly come true right in front of me.” He lifted his chin, catching her gaze. There was moisture in her eyes. He gave her a gentle shake. “Hey, no tears. Not for me. Okay?”
Nodding, Bay compressed her lips, swallowing several times. “Tears scrub your soul clean of the dirt we collect from life, Gabe.”
“Something your mama taught you?”
“Yes,” she sighed, content to sit on his lap, her head resting against his. The gentle lap of water on the rocks was soothing and calming. “I’ve always believed in magic, Gabe. I believe in the unseen world that’s all around us. I’ve seen my mama talk to flowers, to trees and bees. I once saw her ask a honeybee to come over to a flower in her herb garden, and ask it to pollinate it. I watched that bee follow her to that flower. And when she pointed out which flower, the bee went right to it and pollinated it for her.” Bay gently squeezed his shoulders. “There’s more to our world than you see, Gabe. I know that, but you don’t.” At least not yet. Bay silently promised him when she got off her last deployment downrange, she’d help Gabe discover her world. He had high curiosity. And she would use it as a show-and-tell, in real time, so he could experience the magic firsthand that was all around them.
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe your story about jaguar warriors. I got to thinking about it later, and they sounded like early SEALs to me.” He laughed quietly. “They were badasses, no question.” Gabe sobered and held her melting, warm gaze. “Can you forgive me, Bay? Honest to God, I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t realize what I’d done....” His voice turned hoarse.
Gently, she touched his cheek. “Of course I forgive you. We love one another, Gabe. Things like this are going to happen. You did the important thing. After you thought about it, you came back and apologized. That’s as good as it gets, don’t you think?”
Relief surged through him, and he violently quashed his emotional response. “You deserve better, baby. I’m not good enough for you. I’m really not.” But he was so grateful that she loved him unabashedly. Gabe honestly didn’t know what Bay saw in him.
She kissed his temple, tasting the salt of the sweat beads still clinging to the strands of his hair. “Thank you. It means a lot to me, Gabe. And you’re more than good enough for me. I know you’re with me whether you realize it or not. And I feel the same way about you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so grateful you’re a part of my life.”
She eased back just enough to hold his gaze. “I’ve felt you too many nights come to my side after I went to bed while I was away at medical training. As exhausted as I was, I could feel your weight depress the mattress on the bed when you sat down next to me. I could feel you move your fingers through my hair, soothing me after a rough day. And then I’d feel you move, stretch out and curve me against your body.” Bay swallowed and looked down at him. “You were there, whether you knew it or not. You have no idea how much it fed me, helped me. Almost every night, you came and you held me. It was—wonderful... It was a comfort, really because I was missing you so much....”
The shimmer in her eyes, those tears that threatened to fall, ripped his aching heart. “Baby, I believe you. Okay?” Gabe squeezed her gently as if to persuade her. “Why do you think I carved that cat for you?”
She closed her eyes, knowing he was apologizing the only way he knew how. And it was more than enough for Bay. Trying to keep the tears out of her voice, she whispered unsteadily, “I know you had a horrible childhood. I know so much was taken away from you, darling. I—I just wish with my heart and soul, I could somehow transfer my world to yours.” Bay opened her eyes and gave him a sweet smile. “I know you would love it, believe in it as I do. But I can’t. It’s not transferable. It can only be experienced...”
“In my own way,” Gabe told her, sliding his hand and cupping her chin, “I believe in magic. I see it out on patrols. There’s times when I swear the SEALs I’m with have shared telepathy between us. We never have to talk to one another or even use hand signals. We’ll somehow sense a trap that’s been set for us in the middle of the night, even if we can’t see it. We sense it. Maybe, when you’re lonely for me, your magic happens for you in the same sort of way? And you draw me into your fairy-tale world?”
“That’s magic, too,” she agreed, her voice hoarse because she fought against crying for him, for what he’d endured. Bay didn’t want discord or upset on their last night together. All she wanted was for good memories to come out of it, instead. For both of them. She could cry later. Alone. No one would see her tears or hear her sobs. She was very good at hiding her emotions in the world of combat, because tears always bothered the men. For her, they were a release, enabling her to return once more to her core center where she needed to live in order to survive to help others.
“You’re more magic to me than real, baby. You always have been.” Gabe held her gaze, feeling her boundless love encircling them. “Yeah, you’re magic for sure.” He patted her hip. “Come on, I need to fire up the grill and cook those hamburgers for our dinner. You want to get the cold beer out of the fridge?”
As he rose, he kept his hand around her waist and guided her toward the condo. Gabe often thought of her as an otherworldly, beautiful being.