Coming Home For Christmas. Lindsay McKenna
saw the tree as much more than celebrating a holiday. It reflected both happy and sad moments for two close families. It was really about life. Every year, however, Anna had created a U.S. flag and hung it with the rest of the decorations when he’d left at twenty-two and never returned until now.
There were seven years where she made and hung that flag. Kyle wondered if it was Anna’s way of remembering him. He didn’t have the guts to ask her. Maybe it was a way for her to remember him but not cause her husband to get angry or jealous. Maybe someday he’d ask. But not tonight. He wanted this to be a happy event for both of them.
“Where will you go when you return to the SEALs?”
Rousing himself, he said, “Back to Afghanistan. My platoon has two more months of deployment over there before we return to Coronado.” Kyle felt his heart sink because Anna tucked her lower lip between her teeth for a moment. That was a sign Anna was worrying. “It’s safe,” he lied. “Things are quieting in that country because of the drawdown. Most of the military is going home.” Another lie. Hell, the black ops units were busier than ever now with increased patrols since most of the American forces were leaving. The black ops community was taking over the vacuum left by the military’s departure.
“Those families more than deserve their loved ones home,” Anna said fiercely under her breath, barely held emotion driving her words.
“Too many wars for too long,” Kyle agreed somberly.
“Will your team come home for good, then?”
He heard the hope, the terror, in her voice. “Some will.” That wasn’t a lie. When Kyle looked over at her, he could feel her devastation. Dammit. “Tell me what’s in your future, Anna. What are you going to be doing?” He wanted off this topic for many reasons.
“Just running the ranch. After I get my head healed, I intend to start looking for a new ranch foreman. It will be a long search and it will take a while. I’m hoping by spring, we’ll have hired someone new. We can’t operate without one.”
He studied her, watching the worry leave her eyes. Thank God, Anna was easily distracted. “What about your personal life?” And Kyle held his breath, waiting.
She smiled wryly. “What personal life? I’ll be here, running the ranch. I’m not about to go out and hook up with someone else. I’ve got a bad track record, Kyle.”
“I see.” He tried to keep the relief out of his tone.
“I’m taking accounting courses online,” she offered. “I need to really get into running the ranch from the budget end. Trevor always did that, but I need to be more hands-on, Kyle. I have to know where we’re at financially.”
“That sounds like a good plan,” he congratulated her.
Her eyes sparkled and she lifted up a dollar sign she’d made and glued green glitter on it. “See? Money. Accounting. All a part of my life this year and next.”
Kyle wanted to reach out and pull her up from the table and bring her into his arms. “I think you ought to draw some gold coins, too. For good luck for the next year.”
Tonight was so perfect. It was twenty days until Christmas. And he wanted Anna to enjoy this time because, obviously, she’d had a lot of death and losses in her life that he’d never known about. Until now.
She laughed. “Not a bad idea. I think I’ll do it.” She walked forward, leaning down and touching the decoration he’d made of her. “Why did you put a heart on it, Kyle?” She twisted a look up at him.
“Because you’ve always owned my heart, Anna.” His throat tightened. He wanted so badly to touch her. “You’re important to me,” he whispered thickly, reaching out, easing strands of hair away from her shoulder.
There was hope in her eyes. Wild hope. God, how he wanted to have their lives have a happy ending. He saw color come to her cheeks over his grazing contact. Anna was a woman now. She had grown up strong and beautiful. Her lips parted, as if asking him if he would kiss her once again.
Wordlessly, Kyle framed her face, leaned down, closed his eyes and felt Anna lift her chin, wanting this kiss as much as he did. Everything faded around him as he barely brushed her lips. She was so lush, warm and responsive beneath his slow exploration of her. She touched his shoulder tentatively and he slid his hand down her spine, pulling her against him. Kyle wanted to give her the choice whether she wanted this next step, this intimacy he craved so desperately with Anna.
She stepped forward, her breasts brushing lightly against his chest. He groaned as he felt her melt against him, felt her mouth open fully to his, eager, her tongue delicately touching his. Fire bolted down through Kyle, his breathing ragged as he curved his mouth powerfully against hers. He heard a soft sound in her throat, knew she liked what he was offering her. His mind dissolved, his body came online, his erection painful against the zipper of his jeans. She could turn him on in a heartbeat. Her hair swirled across his cheek as he cupped the back of her head, wanting deeper access to Anna.
Where was this going? Where did he want it to go? In the past Kyle would not have thought enough about what the woman wanted. But Anna held his heart. She always had, and right now as she sank fully against him, letting him know she wanted him, Kyle had to think. He couldn’t just take her to bed. He had to know, understand, what Anna expected from him.
Tearing his mouth from hers, Kyle held her close, felt her trembling as she slowly lifted her lashes. He saw flecks of gold in her dark green eyes, saw yearning in them, heard it in her broken breathing, the way her fingers dug into his shoulders.
“Anna,” he rasped, “tell me what you want.” He searched her face. When he had left her at twenty-two, they’d made love one last time. And Anna had broken down in tears afterward, clinging to him, never wanting to let him go. Kyle had never felt like such a bastard. He was going to leave her and he was hurting her as he held her, weeping, in his arms. He didn’t want a replay of that. Ruthlessly, he stared down at her, their hearts racing wildly against one another as the moment strung tautly between them.
“Love me?” she whispered, sliding her fingers across his stubbled jaw.
Closing his eyes, he heard the closeted grief in her voice. “You know I have to leave,” he told her harshly as he opened his eyes. Kyle had to warn her. “God, Anna, I’ve done nothing but hurt you over the years. I’ve left you crying....”
She drew in a deep breath, fearlessly holding his burning gaze. “I’m older now, Kyle. Hopefully a little more realistic.” Anna looked away for a moment, her hand moving restlessly across his shoulder. “I know you’re going away. I accept it.... I don’t like it, but I’m accepting it....”
Just as she was accepting of her miscarriages. Kyle winced inwardly, seeing the pain in the recesses of her eyes. God, he couldn’t do this. “I can’t... I don’t want to hurt you again, Anna.” He slid his fingers through her thick ginger hair, watching her eyes close, feeling her absorbing his touch, remembering him. Remembering what they’d shared before.
She smiled sadly. “Life is full of pain and joy, Kyle. We both know that now. You make my heart come alive. I’ve never felt so alive as when you’re near me. We have until the end of December. I want that time with you. I want to love you. Hold you. I want to sleep at your side every night.” Anna gave him a pleading look. “Don’t turn me away, Kyle. Let me have this much with you. It’s a gift. You’re a gift to me. I—I don’t want to waste one more minute of it.”
His heart crumbled. Just the anguish, the arousal and need of her turned Kyle inside out. When she leaned her head against his shoulder, brow against the column of his neck, drawing him forward against her with her women’s strength, something broke deep within him. What was he doing? Why the hell had he left the person he loved most in this world behind? What was propelling him to make that kind of decision?
The quietness surrounded them. The Christmas music embraced Kyle. The crackle and pop from the massive fireplace made the sense of homecoming even more intense and powerful within him. He