The Forest Ranger's Return. Leigh Bale
I know what you mean. Exercise is addictive. I get antsy whenever I miss a day or two,” he said.
So much for small chat. She kept warming up, concentrating on her movements, trying to think of something more intelligent to say. But maybe it was best if they stuck to the trivial stuff.
“I told Cade and Lyn about our plans to view Gilway Trail on Friday. They’re excited about this project. So am I,” he said.
“Good. Me, too.” And she meant it. The thought of doing something positive to help the amputee kids at Sunrise Ranch gave her a good feeling inside. As if her life’s work meant something important, even though she had no family to share it with.
She finished her warm-up routine and stood watching him.
“Shall we?” He indicated the black asphalt.
With a nod, she stepped off the curb and ran down the side of the street. He followed, keeping pace beside her.
At the corner, she looked both ways, then crossed the street and headed outside of town. Her body felt jittery, wanting to run faster than normal. She made a conscious effort to hold to her usual pace. Dal adjusted easily, his steady breathing a comforting sound beside her.
They didn’t speak much until they reached the turnoff to Sunrise Ranch. Without breaking stride, Dal pointed toward the mountains on the south side. “That’s the trailhead at Gilway.”
“Okay, we’ll take a closer look on Friday.” As they reached the dirt road, she pointed at a yield sign. “This is my two-and-a-half-mile marker. Time for me to turn back.”
He nodded and went with her.
“You don’t have to return with me, Dal. You’ve probably already gotten in more than six miles today.”
“I don’t mind.”
He kept running, and she had no choice but to keep up.
“You always were so persistent,” she said.
He jerked his head toward her, his eyes narrowed slightly. “How would you know that?”
Her face heated up like road flares. Without thinking, she’d given herself away. She’d never been much good at pretending and she detested keeping secrets, with good reason. Something she’d been forced to do for eight months when she’d been barely sixteen years old. Until her social worker had figured things out and yanked Julie out of a horrible foster home. But not before her foster dad had hurt her and destroyed her faith in humanity.
Dal stopped dead in the middle of the road and lifted his hands to his hips. He looked at her, a mix of anger and relief covering his face. “Don’t you think it’s time we both stop pretending we don’t remember each other?”
She released a gasp of air and came to a standstill. “I’m sorry, Dal. I—I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to move on. I just didn’t think it mattered anymore.”
“Well, it does. And I’ve still got some questions you may not want to answer.”
Her mind raced as she tried to slow her heavy breathing. Those old feelings of dread and fear seeped through every pore in her body. Like a caged and wounded tiger faced by a hunter carrying a loaded rifle. “Like what?”
“Like why you stopped writing me. And why you wouldn’t return my phone calls. What happened, Julie? You just disappeared off the face of the earth. Why did you abandon me?”
Her gaze clashed, then locked with his. In his eyes, she saw all the anguish she’d caused him. All the pain she herself felt inside. “I never meant to hurt you, Dal. Please believe I didn’t have a choice. Not really.”
“No choice?” His voice escalated, betraying his anger. “You cut off all communication with me. Without any justification at all. Why?”
“I had my reasons. That’s all I can say.”
“You owe me an explanation, Julie. We didn’t even break up.”
“I thought it was for the best. We were living in separate towns by then and rarely saw each other.”
“But we talked by phone almost every day. Until you stopped taking my calls. Why? Why did you do that?”
“I—I didn’t want to talk about it then.”
His mouth dropped open and he raked his fingers through his short hair, showing his frustration. “So let’s talk about it now.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“No?” He sounded hurt and furious at the same time. “Oh, come on, Julie. You can’t ignore me again. I’m here. Flesh and blood. You can’t hide from me anymore.”
She wanted to cry. To beg his forgiveness for hurting him. To crawl in a hole and hide. “Please, Dal. Let it go. Talking about it reminds me of ugly things I’d rather forget.”
“So that’s it?” His jaw hardened, a look of incredulity on his handsome face.
Julie wished she could give him more. Wished things could be so much different. But they weren’t. And they never would be again.
Tightening her resolve, she nodded. “That’s it.”
He hesitated, as though thinking this over. Standing in the middle of the road facing each other, the sound of rustling trees filled the void. After years of regret and longing for something more, Julie realized how utterly alone she was. She’d never felt so empty inside.
So hollow and bereft.
“No, I can’t accept that,” he said. “I have a few ugly things from my past I’d rather forget, too. But I want you to know something, Julie. After the last time I drove to Tulsa to see you for your sixteenth birthday, I never forgot about you. Not ever.”
Oh, that hurt. Her stomach tightened with guilt and regret. He’d been so good to her, and look how she’d treated him. The only person in the world who had really cared about her. After what she’d gone through, she’d wanted to call him. So many times. To beg for his help. To ask him to take her away. But what could he have done for her? A kid from nowhere, just like her. They weren’t even legal adults. With no money, no education, no real jobs and no way to change the life they’d been thrust into.
She wanted to tell him about it now, but couldn’t. It wouldn’t change the outcome. She couldn’t confide in him something so horrible that just thinking about it caused her to shake as if it had happened only moments before. All the humiliation and embarrassment came rushing back. Right here, right now.
Instead, she turned and walked toward home. He fell into step beside her, silent and brooding. She felt his disapproval like a leaden weight. This discussion wasn’t over. Someday soon, she knew she’d have to offer him an explanation. The silence soon became deafening.
“How’s your mom doing, Dal?”
He lowered his head an inch, staring straight ahead. “Mom passed away while I was in Afghanistan.”
His voice sounded harsh and indignant.
“I’m so sorry. She was such a dear woman.”
“Yeah, she was. But I believe she’s at peace now. Losing Dad when I was so young was always hard on her.”
“Did you ever marry and have kids?” She shouldn’t have asked, but she really wanted to know.
“No. I was engaged once, but...it didn’t work out. She didn’t want me after... After the war.”
He glanced down at his leg, and Julie understood. His fiancée hadn’t wanted him after he’d become an amputee. He’d become damaged goods, just like Julie. She wished Dal had found happiness with someone. He deserved a life of joy. So did she, but that didn’t make it so.
She kept walking. Ignoring her wobbling knees. Wishing he’d leave her alone and forget they’d ever found