Bringing Emma Home. Stella MacLean
to share every bit of the experience with you? And now there’s this...this child, who will remind me every single day of my life that my husband has been unfaithful, appears and I’m supposed to be her stand-in mother?”
Grace balled her fingers into fists. “You should have been honest with me. About the affair and about this child. You knew the truth when we were at the lawyer’s office. And again you didn’t respect me enough to tell me the truth.”
Aidan rushed to the side of the bed and knelt in front of her. “I should have. I know that. And I have no explanation other than my own stupidity, my need not to have you angry at me. But now there is a child in our lives who just lost her mother and who will be going through a terrible time. I can’t leave her to deal with that without me. I—I can’t.”
His gaze implored her to understand. “I realize that this is a lot for you to understand and accept, but Emma needs me...needs us.” He took her hand in his, his fingers gently stroking the soft skin of her wrist. “I can’t imagine what life will be like for Emma now that her mother is gone. She’s only four and she is going to be alone if we don’t help her.”
“Why do you keep saying we?” Grace asked, feeling her throat tighten.
“If you’d come with me, you’d have a chance to see her and offer your caring and support. Grace, you’re the most loving and kind person on the planet. And there is a little girl in need of everything you have to offer. Don’t pass up the chance to help her because of the mistakes I made. Don’t make her life more miserable because of something I did. I will do anything you ask if you will come to Spartanburg with me.”
Grace looked into his eyes and saw the truth of his words. He wanted to go to his daughter, and she wanted him to go. Despite her hurt and her fear of how this child would change their lives, she wanted him to go to his little girl. She wanted the little girl to have all the support and understanding possible. But Grace could not go there with him. Couldn’t act as if nothing had happened, as if her life hadn’t been tossed in the garbage by the man who claimed to love her.
Yet, he had a point; there was a child who needed all the support she could give. “Why do you need me? There must be other people to help out. People she already knows. People who love her. What about Deidre’s friends?”
“I don’t know who Deidre’s friends are, but the only way I can find out is to go back to Spartanburg.”
That he would be unfaithful to her after all they’d been through, after all the time they’d loved each other—it still was inconceivable that he would have been with someone else.
And he had the audacity to expect her to be supportive of him while he went to visit his daughter.
“Everything I thought we were working toward, every dream we’d had about a family ended last evening. I’m the one who can’t conceive. I am the one who is infertile. Even if we could reconcile, I would never be able to give you a child.” She struggled to keep the ugly tears in check. “You can’t expect me to go along as if nothing has changed between us.”
Aidan sighed deeply. “I promise you, Grace, that if you go with me, I will do whatever you ask where we are concerned. I don’t pretend to understand how you feel, but I will respect any decision you make once you’ve seen Emma. It’s clear we need time to work on our problems. I won’t deny that. But I also want you to see this little girl.”
“Why are you so fixated on this, Aidan? A few days won’t matter. You’re a complete stranger to this child. You could simply upset her. What good would that do?”
“I hope that doesn’t happen, but if it does, I’ll find a way to deal with it,” Aidan said, his eyes not meeting hers.
Suddenly she felt a cold sensation around her heart. She was alone in all this misery. Aidan didn’t understand what he was asking of her or he would never have asked it. He would have known how painful it would be for her to face the child he’d conceived with another woman.
But, most of all, she felt alone because he had a whole new focus in his life. He had a daughter, and his eagerness to see her made Grace feel invisible...unimportant.
Yet deep down, a part of her longed to see this child—a little girl who, through no fault of her own, had been thrust into their lives. What would it be like if, somehow, they could work things out between them and Aidan took over his little girl’s life? How would holidays, like Christmas or Easter, be if Emma was with them, was an integral part of their lives? It was so easy to imagine those moments, moments Grace had already dreamed of, lived for all these years.
She’d dreamed of feeling moments of pure joy with her child. With Emma in their lives, there would be wonderful events—the miracle of Christmas and the Christ child being real and present in their lives.
There was a little girl who, regardless of how it had come about, would become a part of their lives...if only they could resolve their differences. Grace struggled with fear and so many other emotions. How could she mother another woman’s child when that child would trigger suspicions about her husband’s behavior? Grace would always wonder what he was doing, what he was really feeling, whenever she looked at the child he’d had with someone else. Grace had been living that way these past few weeks, and it had been unbearable. “Aidan, if we are going together to see Emma, I need you to tell me that that you aren’t hiding anything more from me.”
He nodded his head vigorously, his face tight with anxiety.
“Are you sure you’re telling me everything about your relationship with Deidre? How am I to believe that you weren’t in touch with her these past four years? Because it just doesn’t make sense to me. What woman would spend the money to prove who the father of her child was without ever telling him about it?”
“I have no idea why Deidre did what she did. But I swear to you, I had no contact with her.”
“And you and Deidre haven’t been seeing each other?”
“Grace, I have not seen Deidre since those two days five years ago. I’ve done a lot of things wrong, but I want to get this right. What I said last night about Emma being my child is only partly true. You’re my wife. I love you. And this is our child. I can’t help but believe that your faith in God had something to do with this child entering our lives.”
“What? You’re not making sense.”
“We love each other. We’ve tried everything to have a baby. And I’m really sorry that Deidre died. She was essentially a good person, but her passing has given us the gift we’ve been dreaming of for years. It may not have happened in quite the way either of us wanted, but it is a chance for us to start our family.”
She had always been a practicing Christian. She believed in God’s will and his plan for her and her life. Could it be that Aidan was right? Was this how God worked in their lives? She wasn’t sure. “Do you think it is possible?”
He nodded. “I do.”
Seeing the anguish on his face, Grace clasped his hand, her love for him reawaking within her. This was a very difficult situation, and they would be a long time working through it, but if they could... She leaned across the bed to touch him and tried to forget her fears and her suspicions.
If they were going to make their marriage work once again, she had to accept what had happened. If, in the end, they couldn’t work things out, she had to be certain that she’d done what she could to save her marriage. “I’ll go with you to see Emma.”
He kissed her hand, a long sigh escaping his lips. “You will not regret this. I promise you that we will do this together.”
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