The Keysha Diaries, Volume One. Earl Sewell
perfect for him, but the clothes I owned made it impossible to look perfect. My hair was in horrible shape, my skin was full of pimples and I just felt completely inadequate. I was all set to just forego the meeting, but Maggie insisted that I at least meet him.
By 11:30 a.m. I was sitting in the office on one of the chairs awaiting their arrival. Finally, after waiting what seemed like an eternity, Jordan, his wife and his mother finally entered the room, and I was stunned into silence. They all looked so well and healthy. Jordan was impeccably dressed. Everything about him looked expensive, and I began to think that there had to be some type of mistake because there is no way that a man who looked like him would ever be involved with my mother or Simon. He was very handsome; he had smooth brown skin and eyebrows shaped exactly like my own. He didn’t have any facial hair, and although his eyes appeared to be closed, I could tell that he was watching me and his vision was as sharp as a hawk’s. Sometimes I hated my ability to read a person’s thoughts through their facial expressions. My father did not look very enthused about being there. I stopped reading his mind and focused on his clothes again. He had on a gray pinstriped business suit with a very nice yellow satin shirt and matching tie. He had a gold watch on that was bling-blinging all over the place and some very expensive-looking shoes. My other grandmother looked very regal. She was tall and full-figured and had on a beautiful dress that flowed well with her body. Her hair was styled nicely and had beautiful streaks of gray running through it. She looked as wise as she was beautiful. When I looked into her eyes I could see pain in them. As I studied the two of them, I saw another part of myself that I hadn’t known and for some reason I felt cheated. In my heart I knew we were connected, but in reality our relationship was estranged. Then there was Jordan’s wife, Barbara. She walked into the room with her nose wrinkled up as if she smelled a foul odor. Everything about her—from the way she was dressed to her demeanor—said uptight, confrontational and mean-spirited.
“Come here, baby.” My other grandmother summoned me to her once we made eye contact. I took a deep breath, stood up and walked over to her. She embraced me tightly and for a brief moment, the warmth of her hug felt beautiful and I got lost in the sweet scent of her perfume, but I didn’t hug her back. I didn’t know her like that.
“My name is Katie,” she said, smiling at me. “I’m your grandmother.” I looked into her eyes and somehow I felt as if she could see right through me. I wanted to say something but my words got trapped in my throat. These new feelings were foreign to me. I was looking into her eyes and felt like I knew her, but I didn’t. I looked over at Jordan, and my heart started beating so fast that I thought it was going to smash through my chest.
“Hello. My name is Jordan,” he said with a very commanding voice that made me nervous. Just hearing such a strong and unyielding voice made me swallow hard. We stared at each other for a long moment. Then without even thinking about it we both said, “You’re reading my thoughts through my facial expressions.” It was the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. We had never known each other, but we knew each other in this bizarre way.
“It’s okay. We’re going to get you out of here,” said Grandmother Katie. I backed away from my father because I didn’t fully trust him. He was a total stranger, and yet he wasn’t.
“Hello,” I finally greeted him begrudgingly. I don’t know why I had an attitude toward him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, trying to sound concerned, but I didn’t truly think that he was.
“Does it look like I’m okay?” My tone of voice was filled with snake venom. Our eyes locked on each other again; he was trying to understand me just as much as I was him.
“Keysha, come here.” Grandmother Katie once again summoned me to her side. “I know how you must feel but things are going to change, I promise,” she said. I was so nervous at that moment I felt the urge to pee. I took a deep breath and began biting my fingernails.
“Hello, I’m Maggie Russo. I’m Keysha’s social worker,” Maggie greeted Jordan’s wife, who looked like someone had just stolen her million-dollar lottery ticket.
“How did this happen?” Barbara asked Maggie. “We never knew about her.”
“Jordan, if you, your mother and your wife would come over here we can discuss this situation a little more privately. Keysha, would you please have a seat over there in the manager’s office.” Maggie directed me to a small office that was just on the other side of the wall. I exhaled loudly and stomped over to a seat and made more noise than I needed to. I didn’t go inside of the office right away. I hovered near the door where I could still hear their conversation. I listened to them talk about my case.
“Jordan, you can’t deny that girl if you wanted to. She looks just like you,” I heard Grandmother Katie say. “I know that you didn’t know about her, but now you do. You can’t leave her in this situation. She’s your flesh and blood.”
“Mom, please.” Jordan wanted his mother to be silent for a moment. “I have a family,” I heard him say. “I can’t just move her in and make everything work.”
“Can’t you find a nice foster home for her?” I heard Barbara ask.
“At her age, it would be difficult for us to place her in a foster home.”
“She has problems, right?” I heard Barbara ask another question.
“Problems that are not her fault,” I heard Grandmother Katie argue back.
“Let me interrupt you guys for a moment,” said Maggie. “Right now, Keysha is hurting emotionally. She’s been through a lot, but she’s nowhere near as bad as some of the other cases I’m dealing with. She’s not pregnant, she still enjoys going to school and she’s drug free. I have kids younger than her who are pregnant, drug abusers and prostitutes. Many of them have been assaulted as young children and have self-esteem issues that you couldn’t possibly imagine. In my heart, I know Keysha is a good kid. What she needs right now is a good, stable home with a lot of love and attention. Now, Jordan, biologically she is your daughter and responsibility. The state is overburdened, and a lot of kids fall through the cracks. However, it is understandable how this can be very disruptive to your current family. You have two options. You can agree to take your daughter with you, or you can sign over your parental rights and let her continue living here until she turns eighteen.”
“What happens to her then?” Jordan asked.
“It’s hard to tell. We do offer some assistance with college or job training, but it’s a very hard road and only a small percentage of the kids actually make it. A lot of them end up falling into a life of crime or some sort of addiction.”
“What about her mother? Did she sign over parental rights?” asked his wife.
“She automatically lost them once she was placed in jail,” Maggie answered her.
“Will she get her parental rights back once she gets out of jail?” I heard my father ask. I felt so worthless when I heard him ask that question. I felt like he didn’t see me as a part of him. I went into the office and sat down because I didn’t want to hear any more of what he had to say, because I knew that in the end he’d leave me hanging just like my mother had.
* * *
About an hour later, Grandmother Katie came over and sat next to me. She draped her arm over my shoulder and hugged me once again.
“This is all going to work out,” she reassured me but I didn’t believe her words. “We’re going to get you out of here. It’s just going to take a little time though.”
“You’re kidding me, right!” I blew up because I figured it was all just a big lie. “You know what. He doesn’t want me! You don’t want me! His wife doesn’t want me and neither does the state! Nobody wants me so I might as well just go and kill myself to make it easier on everyone!” I yelled at the top of my voice. When I quieted down, the entire staff was glaring at me through the office door, stunned into silence. I couldn’t take the pressure so I ran out of the office and back to the sleeping area. I lay facedown on the cot