Lost and Found Father. Sheri WhiteFeather
him hundreds of miles away from the reunion loop. “When am I going to get to meet her?”
Victoria shifted in her chair. “Are you sure you’re ready? That you won’t back out at the last minute?”
He deserved that. If he were in her shoes, he would have said the same thing. But it still stung. “I’ve grown up since we last saw each other.”
“I’m aware of how old you are.”
“I wasn’t talking about my chronological age, Tore.”
“Yes, but time doesn’t necessarily change people.” Her voice cracked a little. “And please don’t call me Tore.”
The vulnerability in her tone shamed him. He hadn’t meant to use his old nickname for her. He hadn’t meant for it to slip so easily from his tongue.
“I’m sorry,” he said, knowing those words did little or nothing to absolve him. “I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is. But I have changed, and I want to get to know my daughter.” He would come through this time.
A beat of painful silence passed before she responded, “I’m glad that you want to get to know her, but there’s a lot to consider. Kaley is searching for missing links in her identity. This is as much about her as it is about you.”
He braved the question he hated to address. “Does she know about me not showing up at the hospital?”
“No. She’s inquisitive about the past, but that isn’t something I was able to summon the strength to tell her.”
Because old wounds ran deep, he thought, wishing he could comfort Victoria somehow.
She quietly added, “She asked me about the day she was born. If I saw her before the adoption agency took her away. I told her that I did and that I held her, too.”
“She didn’t ask about me?”
Victoria shook her head. “I think she automatically assumed you were part of it since you were my boyfriend at the time and not just some random guy who made me pregnant.”
That made him feel worse. “Do you think I should tell her the truth?”
Her tone remained quiet. “That’s up to you.”
“I think I should.” He just hoped that he could explain his actions in way that made sense. Even after all of these years, he couldn’t quite define his panic, aside from him being a teenage boy who’d been afraid to face the final countdown.
Would that reason be enough for Kaley?
Anxious to know more about her and how she was raised, he asked, “What are her adoptive parents like?”
“Her mother passed away about seven years ago. From what I understand, she was an amazing woman. Kaley’s identity quest has a lot to do with her.”
His heart went out to his daughter. His mother died when he was a kid, too. “And the dad?”
“Eric is a wonderful father. They’re extremely close. He supports her in every way. I’ve become close to him, too.”
He felt a stab of envy, but he said, “That’s good.”
Victoria continued by saying, “He’s half-Native, like you are. Kaley doesn’t look adopted. She looks as if she could be his. She even speaks a little Cherokee. That’s the tribe he’s from.”
He was still holding pictures of the child he’d helped create. The child another man had nurtured. Apparently Eric was ingrained in his roots. Ryan didn’t know much his about Native side. In his case, it was Paiute. But he’d been raised by his Anglo father. “I expected Kaley to have at least one Native parent.” There was a federal act that stipulated that Native babies were supposed to be adopted within their culture. “It’s nice that she speaks some Cherokee.”
“She speaks Spanish, too. She took it all through high school. She’s good with languages.”
“I’d really like to meet her, and I swear I’ll do my best not to disappoint her.”
Victoria studied him from across the coffee table, and he absorbed her scrutiny, all the way to his anxious soul.
After an audible breath, she conceded. “She’ll be out of school soon on summer break next week. We can figure something out then.”
“That would be great. I’d love for her to visit. Maybe she could stay for a week or so. You could come with her, if that would make her more comfortable. In fact, you could both stay here.”
Her eyes went wide. “Here? In your house?”
“Why not? I’ve got plenty of room. Besides, the nearest motel is clear out on the highway, as you well know. My house is more convenient.” He chanced an intimate remark, needing to know, needing to mention it. “If you have a significant other, you can invite him, too.”
She lifted her chin in what struck him as false bravado. He waited to see what her answer would be, a look of shattered innocence pulsing between them.
Then she said, “I’m not involved with anyone. I prefer being single.”
He told himself that her status didn’t matter. Nor did her uneasy claim. In spite of his attraction to her, he wasn’t trying to rekindle anything except the parenthood they’d lost. But he was still glad that she was single. “What about your job?”
“What about it?” she parroted.
“Would you be able to get the time off?”
“I’m a web designer.” She clasped her hands on her lap, a bit too properly. “I have my own company.”
He pressed the issue. He couldn’t help it. Now that he’d opened the let’s-be-parents-together door, he wasn’t about to close it. “Then you should bring Kaley and the two of you should stay here. If she’s willing, of course. If not, I’ll go to California to meet her.”
“Personally I don’t think staying here is a good idea, but I’ll talk to her about it. She’s an adult, and she can make her own decisions.”
“Okay. Thanks.” What else could he say? What else could he do but wait for the outcome? He’d already given it his best.
“I should go. I’m flying back tonight.” She stood up and collected her purse.
He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to make everything right, to fix what he’d broken, to see forgiveness in her eyes. But he couldn’t stop her from leaving any more than she could have stopped him from running away all those years ago.
He walked her onto the porch and down the stairs, where they stood in the sun. The air was perfumed with flowering foliage, and it reminded him of the wild ginger they used to pick. Everything had seemed wild then, including the inexperienced love they’d made.
He turned to look at her and caught her watching him. She’d gone vulnerable again. She was twisting the ends of her hair, an anxious habit he recognized from their youth.
She said, “I’ll get back to you after I talk to Kaley.”
“I’ll be waiting for your call.” He tucked his hands into his jean pockets. Was that his anxious teenage habit? “Have a safe trip home.”
“Thank you.” She quit twisting her hair, but she was still discomposed.
Clearly, the memories between them had become palpable. He didn’t doubt that Victoria felt it, too.
They said goodbye, and he watched her walk to her rental car. She didn’t glance back at him, and he didn’t remove his hands from his pockets or return to his big, empty house until she was gone.
* * *
Victoria was home. Her plane had touched down last night, and this morning she was a bundle of nerves.
She