Hannah's Journey. Anna Schmidt
need to fumble blindly for the black straight pins that held the skirt and bodice of her dress in place. Once properly dressed, she wrapped her hair—grown now to past her waist—round and round her hand and coiled it into the casing of her prayer cap.
When she slipped into the passageway, she paused for a moment listening for sounds. That way led to Hans’s quarters and the kitchen. The opposite way led to the observation room and dining room. She heard the clink of silver and assumed Hans would be setting the dining table for their breakfast.
“May I help you?” she asked as she entered the opulent room. It would be the perfect opportunity to engage the servant in conversation. The two of them working together to prepare the room for breakfast.
But instead of Hans, she found herself facing Levi. He was sitting at a small drop-down desk on one side of the large sideboard, stirring a cup of coffee. “Not unless you’ve a head for figures,” he grumbled.
Actually, I do, Hannah thought but understood instinctively that the circus owner would no doubt laugh at the very idea that she might be able to solve whatever problem that he clearly could not. Still, if the idea brought a smile to his face that would certainly be preferable to the scowl that darkened his deep-set eyes at the moment. “I apologize,” she murmured, turning to go. “I assumed that Mr. Winters…”
“Kitchen,” he grumbled, turning his attention back to the ledger before him.
The table was already set so she turned to go. But she had retreated only two steps before he stopped her. “I’m sorry. Is there a problem, Hannah?”
“Not at all,” she said brightly.
“You slept well?” He seemed to be studying her features closely.
“Not really,” she admitted, knowing that her face surely showed the effects of her restless night. “But it was not the accommodations,” she hastened to assure him. “The berth was quite comfortable and the rhythm of the train’s movement was a little like rocking a child.”
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Upper or lower?”
“Upper,” she replied and felt her cheeks flush at the impropriety of this particular topic. “Well, I’ll leave you to your work,” she said.
“Why were you looking for Hans? It’s not yet dawn and if there’s no problem with your accommodations.…”
She took a moment to consider her options. Levi was a man—younger than Hans and perhaps more likely to remember what it had been like to be a boy of eleven. “I am worried about my son,” she admitted.
“If he took off with my crew, Hannah, we will find him and until we do, I assure you that he is in good company. No harm will come to him.”
“But what if he didn’t? What if he just ran away? What if he got to the circus grounds too late and your company had already left and he just decided to go off on his own?” The thoughts that she had successfully held at bay through the long night now came tumbling out. “What if even now with every mile we go I am moving farther and farther from him? Perhaps I was too hasty in my assumption. Perhaps I should…”
Levi pushed the ledger aside and indicated that she should take a seat on the end of the tufted settee closest to the dining chair he had pulled over to the desk. “It seems to me that you have ample reason to believe that your son is with my company. From what you have told me, the boy is a planner and as such he would have timed his departure so that he did not run the risk of missing the train.”
“But…”
“And even if he did miss it, we are going to know that within a matter of hours. We are scheduled to arrive in Jonesville just after breakfast. The company will be doing two shows there today—a matinee and an evening performance. If Caleb is with them we will find him.”
“And if not?”
“Then I will see that you and your family are on the next train back to Sarasota and I will personally notify the authorities there to begin the search for your son. One step at a time, Hannah.” He stood up and poured a second cup of coffee from the silver coffeepot on the sideboard and handed it to her. “Drink this,” he said. “You’re running on nerves and you’re going to need your strength for the day ahead, whatever it may bring.”
“Thank you,” she murmured as she took a sip of the hot strong brew. “You’ve been more than kind to us. I assure you that we’ll be out of your way soon.” She took a second sip. “Do you recall—I mean, Caleb is a boy of eleven and he’s had so much responsibility thrust upon him since the death of his father. It occurred to me that this business isn’t really about joining the circus at all.”
“It’s about finding his way,” Levi said. “Testing himself—and you.”
“In what way is he testing me?”
Levi shrugged. “He may not realize it but he wants to see if you will come after him and, if you do, whether or not things will be different for the two of you once you find him.”
“I love him,” Hannah whispered and her voice quaked.
“Enough to one day let him go?”
“He’s eleven,” she protested.
“I said one day, Hannah. Don’t make the mistake of making this boy your reason for living. Don’t try to mold him into some kind of replacement for the life you thought you would have with your husband.”
“I wouldn’t. I don’t,” she said firmly and stood up. Flustered with irritation at his assumption that he knew anything at all about her or her life, she started to hand him the coffee cup then thought better of it and placed the cup and saucer on the silver tray that held the coffee service on the sideboard. “Thank you for the coffee,” she said. “I expect Pleasant will be awake by now—she’s used to rising early for the baking.…” She started toward the passageway just as the train lurched around a curve.
Surefooted as a tiger, he steadied her before she could fall, his hands grasping her upper arms and remaining there until she regained her balance.
“Thank you,” she whispered and pulled away.
Levi stood watching her hurry along the corridor that ran the length of his private car. It wasn’t until she opened the door to her cabin and disappeared that he realized he’d been holding his breath and clenching his fists as if somehow that might keep the warmth of touching her from running away as she had.
“It’s not the same,” he muttered as he turned back to the desk, slammed shut the ledger and then retrieved his suit jacket from the back of the chair. But the picture of Hannah’s son striking out in the middle of the night, slipping away from the only house he’d probably ever known as home and heading off into the unknown stirred memories of Levi’s own youth that he had thought long since forgotten.
Suddenly, he recalled with graphic clarity the combination of fear and exhilaration he’d felt that night. Equally as strong came the memory of his doubt and regret after he’d been on the road for only a day. “It was different for me,” he muttered as he poured himself a second cup of coffee. “I was fourteen.”
He heard the sound of conversation in the passageway, drained his coffee and turned to face whatever this day might bring. Gunther Goodloe was speaking in low tones in his native tongue as he led Hannah and Pleasant to the dining room.
“Good morning, Mr. Goodloe. I trust your accommodations were satisfactory?”
“Yes, thank you for allowing the change.” He indicated that the two women should take the places on the settee where they had sat for supper the evening before.
“Please take my place, sir,” Levi urged, holding out the chair for the older man. “You’ll have a better view of the passing scenery from here,” he added, knowing full well that he had decided upon the change in seating abruptly so that he would not have to touch Hannah again during morning prayers.
On