Security Risk. Janie Crouch
and scooped the puppy up. “I’m afraid you’ll have to make a tough decision.”
“Is he already spoken for?” It was ridiculous to be disappointed. Any puppy would be great.
“No, you just can’t have a boy pup and this one. Star is a girl.” He held the pup out to her.
“A girl,” Bree breathed then smiled, taking the tiny pup in her arms. “Of course you’re a girl. You’re a beautiful, sweet girl, and we’ll be best friends.”
They played with the pups a few more minutes before Tanner said they should let Corfu and the babies rest.
“I can’t take her with me tonight?” The thought of having the pup around in her apartment that always seemed too quiet was so appealing.
Tanner slipped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close as they walked out of the barn and toward his house. “It’ll be another five weeks before she’s weaned. No sleepovers until then.”
Five weeks wasn’t that long. Hell, before a couple of months ago, she’d spent years without talking to anyone or having any human contact. Surely she could survive a little over a month without a dog.
He spun her around to face him as they got to his house. “It’s been harder than you’ve let on, hasn’t it? Being by yourself.”
She shrugged. She didn’t want to be a whiner. “I was by myself for a lot of years, even before my mother died. Seems silly to complain about it now when I’m finally not alone.”
He took a step closer, his hands dropping to her waist. “I know I’m not as cute as those twins, but you really aren’t alone. I’m always here if you need me.” His forehead dropped against hers. “Okay?”
She couldn’t worry about anything when Tanner was this close. All she could do was breathe in the scent of him, woodsy and fresh and undeniably male.
She rose up onto her toes when his lips moved toward hers. Her mind might work like a computer, but her body was all woman when she was around him. She shivered as his thumb brushed over her jaw, then felt like she was melting out of her own skin as he kissed the side of her mouth before running his tongue over her lower lip.
He kissed her gently like that until she couldn’t stand it anymore and she threaded her hands into his hair at his nape and pulled him hard against her. She gasped as the pleasure radiated through her, heard him groan and knew he was feeling the same. They both surrendered to the heat between them, lost in sensation.
When they finally broke away, both of them were breathing hard. His forehead fell against hers again. “I think I better get you home.”
She wanted to ask him to stay with her tonight. To take that next step their kisses had been moving them toward for the last few weeks. Every time they were pressed up together, it was abundantly clear he wanted her. If she gave him the go-ahead, would he make that next move? Would he finally give her whatever it was her body needed to ease the restlessness and heat that seemed to thrum through her every time he was around?
If he were just waiting on her, she’d tell him she was ready right now, this very moment. She might not have experienced sex before, but she wasn’t afraid. Not with Tanner. He wouldn’t hurt her. She knew that more than anything else.
But it was more than just her own natural hesitation. Something was holding him back, too. Something she was too bad at interpreting interpersonal cues to figure out. He never made her think it had anything to do with her. But still...
She was missing a lot of the emotional components other women—normal women—weren’t. Women who hadn’t been born with a brain that worked like a computer and sentiment that sometimes didn’t seem to work at all. Women who hadn’t had to shut down emotionally because they’d been tortured. Women who hadn’t been on the run for half their life with no interaction with other people.
All those things left some pretty large gaps in Bree’s emotional development. Maybe subconsciously Tanner was realizing Bree wouldn’t be able to provide all he would need, and he wanted to keep from taking that last physical step that would make it harder for them to break apart if they needed to.
Why else would he be stopping, when his body still pressed up against hers made it clear he wanted her? At least physically.
“Let’s get you home,” he whispered.
The ride back to Risk Peak was mostly in silence, but not uncomfortable. Tanner’s hand never left hers, bringing her fingers up to his lips to kiss every so often.
It just made Bree more confused. The urge to blurt out all her questions was overwhelming, and a few months ago she wouldn’t have been able to stop herself. But she forced herself to remain quiet rather than demand answers for things that didn’t make sense to her.
The fact that there were more kisses after he parked at her apartment on the outskirts of town, and the fact that her body was fairly humming by the time they pulled away from each other, didn’t help with her confusion.
He took the key she offered and unlocked the door, checking her apartment for any threats before letting her inside. He always did that, even though there hadn’t been any sign of trouble since they’d disbanded the Organization almost two months ago. But she didn’t mind him doing it. The fact that he put himself between her and any potential danger made her feel cherished.
He kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Stay.
She screamed at herself to say it. To just tell him outright that she was ready. That she wanted him. Wanted this.
But before she got up the nerve, with one more kiss to her forehead, Tanner was gone.
She sighed and called herself every type of idiot for not voicing her desires. How was it she couldn’t seem to get herself to shut up when she was blurting out something inappropriate for a situation, and now couldn’t seem to force herself to speak up when there was something legitimately good she wanted?
She eventually got ready for bed, but once she was there, she couldn’t sleep. After thirty minutes she gave up even trying. She couldn’t do anything about Tanner, but she could research puppies.
Maybe that would take her mind off everything else.
She went over to her desk, running her fingers across her laptop. Even opening it caused her to tense, but researching something as innocent and fun as this didn’t need to bring back any of the bad memories.
Once she got started, habit took over, and all discomfort from using a computer was left behind. Within an hour she had read multiple articles on canine physical, mental and emotional development. Then she researched and made a list of everything she would need to buy the next time she was in Denver. It was probably a good thing she had five weeks before Star could come home; there were a lot of things a puppy needed. She wouldn’t be caught off guard this time, like she had been when the twins had been thrust into her care.
She was still wide awake when she got to the recommended square footage of outdoor space a dog that size would require. She had a small plot of backyard, which would need a fence. She would have to talk to Dan and Cheryl about that. But more important, would it even be big enough to meet the recommended size? Would she still be allowed to get the dog if it wasn’t?
Knowing her brain would never let her sleep until she knew the exact square footage in her backyard, Bree slipped on a pair of sweatpants with her sleep shirt and some shoes. Grabbing a tape measure and her phone so she could type in the measurements, she headed outside.
She was glad she didn’t have any neighbors around to see her out measuring her yard in the middle of the night. Using the tape measure, she began marking off quadrants, typing them into her phone as she went. She was at the farthest point from the apartment when she took a step backward and tripped over something.
Cursing, she slid back, turning on the flashlight on her phone so she could