Yesterday's Gone. Janice Kay Johnson
usual breezy persona was failing her. She was coming across as hard. No, brittle. Probably unlikable. Yeah, so what? I am unlikable. “Let’s be honest, Detective. Even if you run a DNA test and it’s a match to Hope Lawson, I am not her.” She leaned forward, her gaze boring into his, her voice rising despite herself. “Do you understand? I can’t be her. I don’t intend even to try.”
He raised dark eyebrows. “And yet you’re here.”
And there was the conundrum.
“I suppose, in the end, curiosity got to me. Also...” She frowned. This was the part she didn’t understand. She thought of herself as utterly self-centered. Life hadn’t taught her to be anything else.
“Also?” he prodded, that deep voice now easygoing, undemanding. He was going out of his way not to put pressure on her, because he’d read her with unerring accuracy.
“I suppose I thought it might mean something to these people. I mean, if they’re still searching for—” Oops. She’d almost said me. “Hope,” she substituted.
“Never knowing what happened to someone you love is incredibly hard.” That sounded personal, as if he had lost a loved one. “Worse than seeing her murdered. Worse than burying her. Actually seeing you, knowing you are alive and well, will mean everything to the Lawsons.”
“You’re assuming I am Hope.” She made it a challenge.
“We’ll definitely run a DNA test, if you’re willing.” He waited for her nod. “Unfortunately, dental records won’t be helpful. At the time of your disappearance, you were only beginning to get your first adult teeth. However, Hope did have a birthmark.”
Bailey flinched. She hadn’t seen mention of that.
“It’s a small detail held back after your disappearance. DNA matching was then in its infancy.”
She nodded. He waited. Finally she sighed. “I have one on my left hip. It’s...sort of heart shaped.”
“May I see it?”
“Here?”
“Why not?”
He was right. She certainly wasn’t a shrinking virgin. After a moment, she stood, went around the table, unbuttoned and unzipped her chinos, and pushed them down enough to reveal the waistband of her panties—and the tiny, dark heart that always intrigued guys and disturbed her. She used to wonder if it was a brand he had put on her.
Detective Chandler looked for a moment that stretched and had her heart beating hard and fast. His expression never changed—but she also wasn’t surprised to see that his pupils had dilated when he finally lifted his head. They stared at each other, and she thought, Don’t let him want me. Because she was tempted? No, no, no. Because it would be incredibly unrewarding for him. Men...well, she didn’t do men. Not anymore.
She fumbled hastily to fasten her chinos. When she looked at him again, his crooked smile sent a jolt through her.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hope Lawson,” he said.
“Just...don’t call me that.”
“All right.” There was that astonishing gentleness again. “Bailey it is. Unless you prefer Ms. Smith?”
“Either is fine.” She retreated to her side of the table. “Thank you, Detective.”
“If you’re going to be Bailey, I’ll be Seth.”
The flutter in her belly wouldn’t let her respond to that. We’re not friends, she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to alienate him, either. This desire to cling to him was completely unfamiliar to her.
“Can you tell me what you remember?” he asked.
She had known he would ask but had hoped for a reprieve. Still, maybe it was better to get this over with.
“If you mean about this town or the Lawsons or...” She stopped. “Nothing. I think he punished me if I asked questions or said anything about...about home. So I forgot. He made me call him Daddy.”
Seth Chandler’s face hardened. “He’s the one who snatched you.”
“I think so.” She’d blocked out so much. “He might have gotten me from someone else. I’m not positive.”
“But he kept you, this man.”
“For a while. I don’t know how old I was for sure, but I think about eleven when he ditched me.”
“Ditched you?”
“We moved a lot.” She did remember that. “Stayed in crummy places. Sometimes he’d get an apartment, sometimes it was those motels that rent rooms by the week. You know.”
He nodded. She saw that much, although she could no longer meet his eyes. The police and then social workers had dragged some of this out of her back then, but she hadn’t told them everything, out of fear or loyalty, she didn’t know which.
“It was a really scuzzy motel that time. In, um, Bakersfield. California,” she added, in case he didn’t know. “It was night. He said he was going out. He did that a lot.” And she’d been relieved. Maybe he wouldn’t wake her up when he came in. “Only this time, he never came back. When he wasn’t there in the morning, I realized he had taken my stuff into the room but not his. He meant to leave me.”
A shudder passed through Seth—no, Detective Chandler. His hand that rested on the table knotted into a fist so tight, his knuckles showed white. Bailey eyed that fist, knowing it should frighten her and wondering why it didn’t.
What was truly remarkable, considering the rage vibrating in him, was the kindness in his voice. “What did you do?”
“I waited. I don’t know, two or three days, I think. If he came back and I was gone, he’d have been furious. I sneaked out a few times and stole some food. There was a Burger King a couple of blocks away. If you sort of lurk in a place like that, people throw food away, or they just leave it on the table. Eventually, the motel manager let himself into the room because he hadn’t paid. That’s when the police came.”
“Did they try to find out who you were?”
“I don’t know,” she said uncertainly. “I said he was my daddy, and I think they believed that. I know they looked for him, but he was gone. So I went into foster care.” She shrugged. Habit. A way of saying, No biggie, that’s the way it was.
“Why do you think he left you then?”
She looked down at her hands. “I think because my body was changing. He didn’t like that.”
“He used you sexually.” Detective Chandler sounded almost calm.
Bailey flashed a dark, scathing look at him. “What do you think?”
He closed his eyes. Tendons stood out in his neck and a nerve pulsed in his jaw. She waited while he fought for control.
Finally he looked at her with eyes that were almost black. “I’d like to get my hands on him.”
Surprised, she said, “That was a very long time ago. You didn’t know me.”
“I feel like I did. I’ve immersed myself in your life. In that day. What everyone did, said, thought. The child you were is very real to me.”
“I’m glad she is to one of us,” Bailey joked.
His eyes narrowed a flicker, as if she’d startled or even shocked him.
“That girl is a complete stranger to me,” she explained. “It’s why I wasn’t sure I wanted to make this pilgrimage.” Her word choice caught her by surprise. Was that how she saw this?
“I understand, although it’s going to be hard on the Lawsons.”
“I