Modern Romance October 2015 Books 1-4. Annie West
his uncomfortable thoughts.
‘Now?’ He could hear the uncertainty in her voice and it pleased him. It made him feel in control again—even if he had to shift his body beneath the coverlet to hide his growing erection. ‘I shall rest for a while as the doctor instructed—and after that I shall meet with the Sheikh, as was originally planned. I’m sure you can find plenty with which to amuse yourself in the meantime. There is a magnificent library here in the palace, or you could ask one of the servants to show you around the gardens. I believe they are very famous.’ He let his heavy eyelids fall and failed to stifle a yawn as he blotted out the unsettling look of distress in her eyes. ‘But I am weary now, Erin—so let me sleep.’
HOW COULD SHE?
Erin walked to the edge of the man-made lake which dominated the sheltered grounds at the rear of the palace and stared gloomily at the gleaming water. How could she have done something so fundamentally self-destructive? She’d had sex with Dimitri. Despite knowing that it was the action of a fool, she had walked straight into it.
The sun dazzled off the glittering surface of the lake and now and then an exotic bird would swoop down to drink. These gardens were like an oasis—one of the most beautiful places she’d ever visited—yet all Erin could think about was that erotic episode on the divan yesterday, following Dimitri’s riding accident.
He’d been so matter-of-fact about it afterwards, displaying a cold-bloodedness she remembered from watching him doing countless business deals. Once that amazing bout of sex was over, he seemed to have retreated from her—physically and mentally—just like last time. He hadn’t touched her again, had just rolled over and turned his back on her and gone to sleep. And even though she’d told herself that his body was still recovering from the accident on the horse—it had only increased her feelings of mortification.
She had gone back to her own suite, feeling empty and a little bit cheap, and the long shower she’d taken afterwards hadn’t made her feel much better. But she had done her best to stay calm and tried very hard to keep herself occupied, because activity stopped her brooding and dwelling on what she’d done. She explored the palace library as Dimitri had suggested and made it her personal mission to find her way around the bewildering maze of wide marble corridors which made up the Al Mektala residence. She spent several hours being driven out into the desert—accompanied by the woman who had brought the fire-berry lotion to Dimitri’s suite, who actually turned out to be very sweet. And although she had tried to take in the stark beauty of the stark desert sands, unwanted images of Dimitri’s ice-blue eyes kept flashing through her mind.
And he hadn’t come near her. He hadn’t touched her, or kissed her. There had been no silent message which had passed between them to acknowledge their shared intimacy.
Erin kept trying to convince herself that this new stand-off was sensible. More sex would complicate an already complicated situation—she knew that. Yet she was finding his behaviour more wounding than any open hostility. He was treating her with all the polite indifference he might have shown to a passing waitress at a cocktail party. As if the man who had kissed her so passionately yesterday morning was nothing but a figment of her imagination. She found herself dressing for their final dinner at the palace with a heavy heart.
When he knocked, she opened the door to find him wearing a darker than usual suit, which made him look powerful and forbidding.
‘I’m having a final meeting with Saladin before dinner, so I’ll come back and collect you once it’s over,’ he said, his hair gleaming molten gold beneath the glittering chandelier. ‘Oh, and we will leave for London tomorrow. The jet will be ready for us in the morning. I’m sure you’ll be keen to get back.’
‘Absolutely.’ Erin was determined to match his cool demeanour even though her teeth were gritted behind her smile. ‘I’ll ring my sister.’
‘You spoke to her earlier?’
‘Yes.’
‘How’s Leo?’ he asked suddenly.
‘He’s fine.’
There was a pause. ‘He hasn’t missed you too much?’
‘It’s barely been two days.’ She hesitated, because this was the closest they’d come to conversation since they’d had sex and she found herself wanting to prolong it. To pretend that everything was normal when nothing felt normal. ‘Has the Sheikh come to any decision about selling you the oil fields?’
He finished knotting his tie—a blue silk affair one shade darker than his eyes. ‘He says he’ll give me his answer this evening. Though I suspect that is simply a formality and his answer will be yes.’
‘You sound surprised.’
‘I suppose I am—a little. After all these years of one step forward, two steps back—the deal has been much more straightforward than I ever anticipated.’
‘Because you saved his life?’
He shrugged. ‘Probably.’
She shifted from one foot to the other, aware that her composure was in danger of deserting her as the reality of returning to London loomed before her. ‘What’s going to happen when we get back?’
He lifted his dark brows in query. ‘In regard to?’
Her heart began to pound. ‘Leo, of course. About you...getting to know him.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘You would prefer it if I didn’t?’
To Erin’s horror his words struck a chord, highlighting a part of herself she didn’t like. A selfish, horrible part which made her wish he would just disappear and take with him his ability to inflict pain and hurt on her stupidly vulnerable heart. ‘No,’ she said, wondering if he could hear the hesitation in her voice. ‘That isn’t what I want, but...’
‘But? You still think I’m unsuitable? I’ve failed the Erin Turner fit-to-be-a-father test? You think I’ll be dragging him to the nearest bar or casino as soon as he’s old enough?’
She met the challenge in his eyes, reminding herself that her own feelings weren’t the issue here—but those of her son were paramount. And Dimitri needed to know that. He needed to know that she would fight with everything she possessed to protect her little boy from being hurt or disappointed.
‘No, I don’t think that,’ she said. ‘You don’t seem like that kind of man any more. But there are other considerations, Dimitri.’
‘To do with you?’
She shook her head. Did he think she was about to start clinging to him because they’d just had sex? ‘No. To do with him. I don’t want you coming into his life on a whim. You can’t just waltz in and tell him you’re his father and decide you don’t really like fatherhood—before disappearing again.’
‘So what are you suggesting?’
‘I’m just asking you to give it a little time before you tell him who you are. In case you want to walk away. I’m giving you an opt-out clause in case you change your mind.’ She held up her hand, as if anticipating his objections. ‘Because children take up a lot of time. They’re demanding. They need love and reassurance and stability—and it’s constant. You can’t just close the door on them and tell them to go away. You’ve always lived life on your terms, Dimitri—more than anyone else I’ve ever known. You might find the responsibilities of parenthood don’t suit you, and if that’s the case, then that’s fine. No one is going to condemn you for that—least of all me. I just don’t want you making promises to him. Promises you are unable to keep. Surely you can understand that?’
Their gazes clashed for a moment before he nodded his head.
‘Yes, I can understand,’ he said as he left her suite and headed towards the Sheikh’s private