The Magic Misfits. Neil Patrick Harris
make it happen yourself.
Would you like to learn about magic? I thought you might. Very well. Repeat after me: SIM SALA BAM!
I’m sorry – I don’t think you actually said that out loud. Please. Repeat. After. Me: SIM SALA BAM!
Louder. SIM SALA BAM!
Brilliant. You’re proving to be a good student.
Now turn the page…
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT… HOLD ON… STOP!
Silly me. I think I must have mesmerised myself with all those ‘i ’s earlier. I almost forgot one last vital thing before we get into the meat and potatoes of our magical story. (Drumroll, please!) First, I must explain…
i cannot tell you wHen or where to read this book. after all, you might rEad it on a bus or in a plane or in the back of a haY cart. you mighT read it while brushing your teetH, or brushing your hair, or brushing the fur of your angora rabbit. (you havE one of those, right?) you might Read it in a bed, under a bed, or possibly while levitating several feet above a bed. if you’re so inclined, you might rEad it in a bathroom mirror backward or upside down, or down side up.
no, i can’t tell you when or where – and i certainly can’t tell you how. you may read it with your eyes open, or you may read it with your eyes closed (there is a way to do that, you know). you might read it backward or in a mirror, or you might have someone read it aloud to you. you might even find it helpful to read the last letters of certain words in a phrase. there is at least one part where you’ll want to find all the capital letters in a section to see what they say. (nice to have options, isn’t it?)
mosT importantly, you sHould understand that withIn thiS Book are lessOns on magic (sOmetimes spelled magicK with a k). readIng the chapterS will give you a tale of adventure and woe and excitement and Fun (not necessarily In that order). reading the magic moments (or those sections hidden here and there) wiLL aid you in uncovering the secrets of stage performance.
if you read both types of chapters in ordEr, you may finD yourself saying “woW!” as you discover an adventure and learn magic. for the most fun, mIght i suggesT reading the book botH ways?
now, magicianS’ sECrets must be shared if they are to be passed on so futuRe genEraTionS cAn accomplish eveN more amazing feats and Dares. this is why i am sharing them with you! but i have A request: keep the secrets secret. no sHaring wIth your frienDs or friends of frienDs. no using them to cheat your neighbours. no shouting them from the rooftops of your town. trust me whEn i say that turNing a frown into a smile mighT be tHe most rewardING magic trick of them all. much mOre Rewarding than the opposite!
bah – listen to me blaTHering on. . . . let’s dive in.
are you REady?
brilliant.
turn the pagE…
In the darkness of a train yard, somewhere on the far edge of town, a shadowy figure emerged from a thick curtain of fog. The person looked back once before dashing alongside several rows of empty train tracks.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you might flinch when imagining a shadowy figure emerging from a nighttime fog in a nearly abandoned train yard lit only by distant streetlights. But you needn’t worry here. It was merely a skinny boy named Carter Locke.
If you were to worry about anyone at this moment, it should be the man who was not far behind – the man who was chasing Carter through the train yard, bellowing: “Carter! Get back here! Don’t you run from me, boy! I ain’t going to hurt you!” This was a lie. The man very much intended to hurt Carter.
Thankfully, Carter knew it. So he pumped his legs and clutched his satchel and strained through the murk to see which line of carriages was chug-chug-chugging down the tracks and out of the yard. The wail of a horn blasted Carter’s eardrums, and he stumbled across a rail.
Several rows away, there came a familiar metal clanking. A rusty but colourful chain of carriages clacked by, catching speed and whisking away the mist. Carter could see clearly now. He jumped over the tracks and raced to keep up with the moving train. From down the yard, the carriages kept coming and coming and coming. Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, redder, black, orange, redder still.
The colourful train reminded Carter of the first magic trick he’d ever seen: a gentle hand coming close to his face and pulling a red silk handkerchief from his ear, which was tied to a yellow one, which was tied to a blue one, which was tied to a green one, and so on, and so on, and on and on. It was one of the few memories Carter had of his own father.
Instinctively, Carter touched his satchel, as if to make sure the small wooden box was still inside. It was.
Carter ran alongside the train, eyeing each passing carriage for a place to board. Behind him, footsteps sounded in the gravel. Then a gruff, cruel voice rang out. “Carter! Don’t you dare hop on that train!” The clanging and banging did not drown out the man, who sounded closer now than before – almost directly behind him. “I’ve got eyes and ears in every town between here and Timbuktu! You’ll never escape! Hear me? Never! ”
Carter tried not to think about what would happen if the man caught him. Instead, he focused on the locomotive. Light glinted off the heavy wheels below as they rolled upon the tracks. The problem with trains is that they are made of metal and each car weighs a literal ton, if not more. Once they’re moving, they move quickly. If Carter got too close – if he tripped – it would all be over.
A bright yellow train carriage was now edging past him. Yellow reminded Carter of a bird he once saw locked up in a cage in the window of a pet store. Weren’t birds designed to fly free? Carter took it as a sign that this was the one to reach for, the one that would take him far away from here. Its ladder was just out of reach.
Jumping a train in motion may have been hard or even scary for some – but Carter had done it so many times, it came as naturally as plucking a coin from behind someone’s ear or shuffling a deck of cards with only one hand.
Unfortunately, the man who was chasing Carter found it easy too. As Carter was about to clasp the ladder, the man grabbed Carter’s satchel and dragged him to the ground.
“No!” Carter yelled.
They both tumbled across the gravel, rolling beside the wheels of the yellow carriage that went bump-bump, bump-bump-bump, bump-bump, bump-bump-bump over the rickety tracks, echoing the flutter of Carter’s panicked heartbeat. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen if the train left without him.
So Carter didn’t stop moving. He twisted his body until the rolling turned into a somersault. As he pitched himself forward, head over heels, Carter yanked his bag away from the man’s grip, planted his feet on the shifting gravel, then leapt toward the train’s last carriage. A ladder hung down from the rear, next to an open door. Carter’s fast hands grabbed the bottom rung, his taut tendons holding him tight. Climbing up and onto the ladder, he pulled his feet up and clung to the back of the now-racing train.
After catching his breath, he moved all the way to the top, taking a seat on the car’s roof. The wind whipped his hair around. The train’s horn cried out again from up ahead.
Looking back, he saw the man kneeling by the tracks, arms raised in anger, screaming into the night and quickly shrinking into a dot that eventually disappeared in the murky distance. Carter waved goodbye. To the town. To