The Forgotten Child. D. E. White
Mum,
There is so much shit I need to tell you, but it’s hard to put it into words. My fingers are shaking because it’s really cold in the flat, but I can see you watching me from the wall and that helps a bit.
I’ve got all your photos up, Mum, and I’ve got this cool list that Dad gave me that has all your favourite things. He doesn’t just write you letters, he talks to you all the time. Are you really there? Perhaps it isn’t him who’s gone mad; perhaps it’s just that the others can’t see you.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know we’re never going to forget you and we’ve got a plan that will make you happy. Dad says if we do little things in your memory then it will help until we carry out the plan.
I’m not sure if it does help, because he sometimes cries, or shouts your name and punches the wall. The neighbours yell and bang on their side when he does that. Not on your wall, of course. Yours is beautiful. We painted the whole side of the room yellow like sunshine, and we pinned up loads of pictures, a copy of the list, and some of your clothes. It’s really special and every night we light a candle and Dad says we have to spend a while just thinking about you.
I kind of like this time of night, because it’s quiet, and I can feel you close when we are near the wall. The smell of beer makes me feel a bit sick, but at least Dad is sleeping too. Sometimes he chokes and throws up, but after the first time, I know what to do. I just clean up and I make sure when he passes out his head is turned to one side because Layla at school said she does that for her mum too.
Are you really there, Mum? I kind of need to know, but if you can’t tell me don’t worry, I understand. I know you’re looking out for me. Can you keep an eye on Dad too? Just when he goes a bit crazy. I’m worried that he might do something stupid and they’ll take him away. Don’t tell him I said so.
I love you, Mum
x
‘She’s dead!’
‘Listen to me. Put both hands on the centre of her chest, one on top of the other. Are you doing that?’
‘Yes.’
‘Now push down hard and fast. Don’t be afraid to push too hard. You can help her …’
‘I’m doing it! I’m fucking doing it, okay?’
‘Great. Well done. Keep going. One, two, three, four … I’ll stay with you until the ambulance arrives. Is the door unlocked?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Keep going. One, two, three, four …’
‘I can’t …’
‘It’s okay. Keep going, sweetheart, you are doing so well. The ambulance is nearly with you.’
‘I can hear sirens.’
‘Keep going.’
‘Oh, the police are here!’
‘It’s okay, just keep going until the ambulance crew take over.’
‘They’re here!’
‘Okay, you can hang up on me now. Well done, Holly.’
Holly drifted back to consciousness, fighting her way through the ragged remains of nightmares. Her own brother’s girlfriend and she hadn’t saved her … It was like a knife, jabbing quickly, mercilessly under her ribs.
Her eyes darted around the room as she took deep breaths, feeling her pulse slowing down to normal. At least they were home now, and she was in her own bed, in her own house. She hadn’t had that dream for ages, and the memories were unwelcome, dripping through into real life, into her perfect real life that she had so carefully constructed. Except it wasn’t so perfect anymore. Tom had turned into a cheating bastard, and she was left struggling to pay the bills on her own. Not to mention his charming text messages. Since the accident she’d had only one more, but she was now seriously considering telling DC Marriot about them.
She struggled out of bed, feeling the twinge in her leg, adjusting her weight to compensate. But she was okay. If she kept telling herself that, she might even start to believe it. After all, the hospital had given them the all clear and discharged them both; medically they must be all right. Milo was calling from his room now, something about a dragon egg hatching into a wolf. She could do this. ‘Coming! Can you reach your crutches okay?’
‘Yeah, I just want to show you this really cool evolving dragon egg!’
Holly pulled a thick fleece on over her pyjamas and staggered towards his room, pushing away the dregs of the nightmare, focusing on what was important. But she couldn’t help thinking about the other boy. The silent, pale child still lying in his hospital bed, who had nobody to shout for, nobody to claim him. The rush of protective emotion she had experienced after she found him in her car was still there.
Her aunt was already busy crashing around the kitchen downstairs, making one of her famous fry-ups. Holly, who preferred to get at least two cups of coffee down before she even thought about food, felt her stomach heave slightly at the smell of bacon.
But Milo was soon sliding down the stairs on his bum, dragging his crutches behind him, apparently desperate for food. ‘Lydia, can you leave my eggs all runny please and can I have a sausage too?’
***
‘Lydia, I’m fine. I can do it.’ They were sitting in the living room, which after Lydia’s assault with the Hoover and dusters was unusually clean and tidy. Milo was drawing at the kitchen table.
‘Holly, you most certainly are not fine. You told the police someone almost ran you off the road, and now they seem to think all kinds of things about how this other boy got in the car. Before you say a word, you know I believe you. As if you wouldn’t say if you knew who he was! That DI Harper sticking his beak in around here again isn’t going to help anyone, is it? Now what’s all this about you thinking you’re going back to work on Monday? You’re barely back on your feet!’
Holly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘Don’t be so dramatic. I have to go back to work because I need the money. You know I always work overtime shifts to cover the extra on the mortgage, now Tom’s gone.’
‘You should move house, get somewhere smaller instead of killing yourself working all hours. Come back to the Seaview, love,’ her aunt told her. Then her expression softened. ‘Of course, I’ll have Milo when you’re working as usual, but give yourself a break, love. The two of you have only been out of hospital for a few days.’
‘Thanks, Lydia.’ Holly smiled at her, silently adding that whilst she was still sane and breathing there was no way on earth she was going back to live on the Seaview. The mirror opposite the sofa reflected them, so similar both physically and mentally. With the pale winter sunlight shining through the window, casting a gentle glow across her face, Lydia looked so much like Holly’s mum.
Lydia was the older sister, pushing sixty-eight now, but the black curls were glossy and as usual she was heavily made up, with red lipstick and lashings of dark eyeliner. Lydia’s husband had died four years ago, and she had dealt with the grief as only she could – by joining a swanky health club and spending lots of money on clothes.
Lydia had no kids so she had always had a lot of time for Holly and her brother. She could have moved off the estate years ago, but she said she was happy in her flat. Her husband, Mick, had invested in property and a bar in Spain, and