Black Blood. Dyvina Sollena
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I had felt his breath caressing my skin and my mind had created an almost indecent situation.
For a moment I wanted him to kiss me, feeling his mouth on mine, his hands over me.
I had just touched his chest, only imagining its perfection.
I felt a fervor inside, a craving out of my control, like a dangerous obsession from which I could not escape.
What's happening to me? Why do I think of him that way?
I watched Hanna out of the corner of my eye, I was dying to tell her everything, to explain what had occurred inside me in the last few days and ask her for advice on how to behave.
She was absorbed in her thoughts and dark-faced as she read the newspaper texts. I stood up and began pacing back and forth, took a deep breath and stood in front of my best friend.
«If I confess something to you, can you promise that you'll be listening to what I say, analyse the situation and just shut up until the end?» I said in bursts like a machine gun.
Hanna looked at me wide-eyed, stood up and grabbed me by the arms.
«You are having a panic attack! Sit down!» she ordered me alarmed.
What the fuck!
I thought incredulous in front of such idiocy.
I was talkative, it meant that I was not calm, that something troubled me, but nothing more serious.
«I am not panicking!», I objected, freeing myself from her grip.
«You're ranting. It never happens to you», she argued, putting her hands on her hips.
I sighed ruffling my tawny hair, it was useless to stall, I had to tell her.
«I might have a crush on Sebastian Winterbourne», I sighed in a whisper.
I closed my eyes and tried to keep my breathing steady and controlled.
«Are you out of your mind, Reb?»
Hanna's scream was piercing, forcing me to squint and shield my ears.
«How can I know? I find him an arrogant daddy's boy, haughty and brash. But he is also interesting...»
Hanna sprinted towards me and grabbed my face with one hand, peering carefully into my eyes.
«Are you under dose?»
«I'm not, for God's Sakes! Is it so wrong?» I replied, offended and sullen.
«He is a Thirsty, Reb! Are you having a crush on... a monster?» she hissed in a low voice, looking over her shoulder.
She was terrified.
«This is not a typical crush; I believe this is something more physical...» I paused, «I think I am attracted by him.»
Hanna turned to the window and after grabbing my old diary from the top of the mattress, she began to leaf through it.
She was so angry that she didn't even want to talk to me.
«Why are you always choosing the most difficult way?» she asked without changing position.
«Because it is me. Rebecca Janette Cross: rebel since I was born, curious by nature and… anarchist in the blood.»
As Sebastian said.
I fought back his thought that punctually was appearing gain, I could feel it, elbowing its way just to come back to my mind.
«Be careful, Reb. Keep always your eyes open», she retorted disinterestedly, turning to me. She was reading with a frown on something I had written.
I was about to say something when Hanna placed under my nose my outbursts as a child.
«Read it!»
“Today a girl went missing. They said in the news. My mom and dad got worried. They told me not to talk to strangers and not to go near the Winterbourne family. Sebastian doesn't look bad. He is a child who comes to school with me. He is always alone. "
I had completely removed those events.
Those thoughts of mine were written on the first pages of the diary. I was still a little girl.
My best friend pointed out the date I had written along the top of the page.
«18th March, 1998», I read aloud.
«Twenty years from now, ten since then», she commented, marking the newspaper articles with her finger.
Oh my God!
«You are a genius, Hanna!» I exclaimed with joy. I hugged her and printed a kiss on her forehead.
She drew back and put on a serious expression.
«Go three pages forward.»
I did what she said without saying a word, I didn't know what to expect.
“This is an unhappy day. A very bad thing has happened. Aunt Lily flew to the sky. There is no more. Josh is always crying and Mrs. Coleman too. It's sad when someone leaves. "
Aunt Lily.
Lily Coleman was the eldest daughter of Meredith and Lukas Coleman, as well as Josh's sister. She had disappeared at the age of twenty-three, involved in a brutal car accident.
3 August 1998.
I looked at Hanna, arching my brows, I knew exactly where she was going.
«What if Lily never had an accident but simply disappeared?» I asked rhetorically.
My best friend nodded her head, letting out a smirk.
«It would mean Josh's sister dissolved into thin air like all these other girls every ten years.»
That possibility was disquieting, I vaguely remembered that period, but nothing suggested Lily was missing, she was simply dead. There had even been a funeral.
But I was a child, like Josh and Hanna, they could have told us anything and we would have believed it.
«How does this make any sense? Why still keeping us from the truth? We are adults now», I argued not fully convinced yet.
I couldn't find a valid reason that could have led our parents not to tell us the truth.
Why was my casket open?
Doubts arose in me, questions to whom I wanted to find an answer.
Hanna looked out of my bedroom's window, she was watching the street, hidden behind the dusty curtain.
«Isn't that the Winterbournes' car?» she suddenly asked.
I rushed to her side and looked over the pane of glass.
A sinuous sport car was parked on the opposite street.
I swallowed.
«This might look like», I cut it short.
Hanna was right instead, that was Sebastian's huge car. I remembered it perfectly.
«With tinted windows?» she disputed rightly disagreed.
«I don't know what to say, Hanna.»
I was no more able to understand anything.
Missing girls, Lily Coleman, the feeling that our parents were hiding something from us. The accusations against the Winterbournes, the legends about the Thirsty, were all buzzing uninterruptedly in my head, creating a din.
And then there was Sebastian, who had suddenly shown himself interested in me to the point of being seen in town. He had been looking for me from the beginning and now he also seemed to be following me.
I was counting on my survival instinct, it had never let me down, but I probably should have listened to Hanna and being careful.
That penetrating look had remained imprinted in my