A Comic History of the United States. Livingston Hopkins
WITH THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA.
The sun was just sinking below the western horizon on the evening of September 11th, 1492, when a respectably dressed personage of sea-faring appearance might have been seen occupying an elevated position in the rigging of a Spanish ship, and gazing intently out over a vast expanse of salt water upon what at first sight appeared to be an apple dumpling of colossal proportions, but which upon more careful inspection subsequently turned out to be a NEW WORLD.
We will not keep the reader longer in suspense; that sea-faring man was Christopher Columbus, and the object which attracted his attention was America!
This adventurous person had sailed from the port of Palos, in Spain, on the 3d of August with the avowed purpose of “seeing the world;” and who, thinking he might as well see a new world while he was about it, sailed in the direction of America.
EUREKA!
For further particulars the reader is referred to the accompanying sketch, which, with startling fidelity, portrays the scene at the thrilling moment when a new continent bursts upon the bold navigator’s vision. Pray cast your eye aloft and behold the great Christopher discovering America as hard as ever he can. The flashing eye, the dilating nostril, the heaving bosom, the trembling limbs, the thrilling nerves, the heroic pose, all vigorously set forth in a style which speaks volumes—nay, whole libraries for our artist’s graphic power and knowledge of anatomy. We will next trouble the reader to let the eye wander off to the dim distance, where the new world looms majestically up, and stands out boldly against the setting sun, previously alluded to, which illuminates the scene with golden splendor, and bathes the new born continent in a flood of dazzling light.
If the patient reader will be good enough to examine this picture with a powerful microscope, he will discover, standing upon the utmost prominence of the new world, and in imminent danger of falling off, a citizen of the country who welcomes the stranger with uplifted tomahawk and a wild war-whoop.
Lifting our eyes skyward we see the American eagle soaring forth to meet the great discoverer, with outstretched pinions, and bringing his whole family with him. We confess that we, for one, cannot gaze upon this scene without envying Mr. Columbus the luxury of his emotions and wishing we knew where there was a new world lying around loose that we might go right off and discover it.
CHAPTER II.
IN WHICH THE EARLY LIFE OF THIS MAN COLUMBUS IS INQUIRED INTO—DISAPPOINTED PARENTS—THE BANE OF GENIUS—“POOH-POOH!”—CONVINCING ARGUMENTS.
Christopher Columbus was born at Genoa in Italy, a country chiefly famous for its talented organ-grinders. The youthful Christopher soon made the melancholy discovery that he had no talent in that direction. His tastes then rather took a scientific turn. This was a sad blow to his fond parents, who did hope their son would take a turn at the hurdy-gurdy instead.
His aged father pointed out that Science was low and unprofitable, Geology was a humbug, Meteorology and Madness were synonymous terms, and Astronomy ought to be spelled with two S’s.
In vain his doting mother gently sought to woo him to loftier aims, and, in the fondness of a mother’s love, even presented him with a toy barrel-organ which played three bars of “Turn, sinner, turn,” in the hope that it might change the whole current of his life; but the undutiful child immediately traded it off to another boy for a bamboo fishing rod, out of which he constructed a telescope, and he used to lie upon his back for hours, far, far into the night, catching cold and scouring the heavens with this crude invention. One night his sorrow-stricken parents found him thus, and they knew from that moment that all was lost!
EARLY AQUATIC TENDENCIES EVINCED BY COLUMBUS.
Our hero took to the water naturally very early in life. Let the youth of America remember this. Let the youth of every land who contemplate discovering new worlds remember that strong drink is fatal to the discovery business; for it is our candid opinion, that, had Christopher Columbus taken to, say strong coffee in his very earliest infancy, the chances are that America would never have had a Centennial, and these pages had never been written. Two circumstances which the stoutest heart among us cannot for a moment contemplate without a shudder.
When Columbus reached man’s estate he became a hard student, and spent the most of his time in his library,
“Reading books that never mortal
Ever dared to read before.”
Columbus Among His Books.
His mind, consequently, soared beyond the pale of mere existing facts and circumstances, and sought to fold its eager pinions on lofty roosting places yet undiscovered.
And thus it was, that, after revolving the matter in his mind for forty years or more, Columbus arrived at the conclusion that the earth was round, not flat, (as was the popular belief at that time,) and boldly said so in round terms. People called him a lunatic, an original character, and other harsh names, and otherwise pooh-pooh’d the idea.
But Columbus not only adhered to his theory, but went so far as to assert that by sailing due west from Europe you would, if you kept on sailing, bring up somewhere in eastern Asia.
“Oh, come now, Christopher! really, this is going to far!” is what public opinion said, and when our hero petitioned the Italian Congress to fit out an expedition and let him prove his theory, it magnanimously offered to set him up in business with a first-class barrel-organ and an educated monkey cashier on condition of his leaving the country once for all; but Columbus, expressing his regret for his lack of musical ability, declined this generous offer and turned with a sigh to other governments for assistance. Finally, after fifteen years of effort, he succeeded in convincing Queen Isabella of Spain that there was an undiscovered country beyond the seas, overflowing with milk and honey, which it would be worth while to “work up.” He proved his theory with the aid of an egg, (which he made stand on end,) an old Boston City Directory, and a ground plan of Philadelphia, (see school books,) and demonstrated to the good lady’s entire satisfaction that she might realize largely by fitting out an expedition and let him at its head go and discover it.
So conclusive were these arguments to the mind of Queen Isabella that the good old soul allowed him to fit out an expedition at his own expense, and gave him carte blanche to discover America as much as he wanted to. We have seen how well he succeeded. All this took place three hundred and eighty-three years, four months, and five days ago, but it seems to us but yesterday.
Ah! how time flies!
CHAPTER III.
TREATS OF OTHER DISCOVERIES AND DOES GREAT CREDIT TO THE AUTHOR’S SENSE OF JUSTICE.
On the return of Columbus to Spain, he published a map of his voyage in one of the illustrated papers of the day. Through the courtesy of the publishers of that paper we are enabled to place this map before our readers.
Map of COLUMBUS Route DRAWN BY CHRIS HIMSELF
Here it is translated from the original Spanish. If the gentle reader can make head or tail of it he is more gentle even than we had at first supposed. The publication of this map at the time naturally inspired others with the spirit of adventure, and discovering America became quite the rage. Indeed, so common