Half a Century. Jane Grey Cannon Swisshelm
XLI. STATE AND NATIONAL POLITICS
XLII. RELIGIOUS CONTROVERSIES
XLIII. FRONTIER LIFE
XLIV. PRINTERS
XLV. THE REBELLION
XLVI. PLATFORMS
XLVII. OUT INTO THE WORLD AND HOME AGAIN
XLVIII. THE ARISTOCRACY OF THE WEST
XLIX. THE INDIAN MASSACRE OF '62
L. A MISSIVE AND A MISSION
LI. NO USE FOR ME AMONG THE WOUNDED
LII. FIND WORK
LIII. HOSPITAL GANGRENE
LIV. GET PERMISSION TO WORK
LV. FIND A NAME
LVI. DROP MY ALIAS
LVII. HOSPITAL DRESS
LVIII. SPECIAL WORK
LIX. HEROIC AND ANTI-HEROIC TREATMENT
LX. COST OF ORDER
LXI. LEARN TO CONTROL PYAEMIA
LXII. FIRST CASE OF GROWING A NEW BONE
LXIII. A HEROIC MOTHER
LXIV. TWO KINDS OF APPRECIATION
LXV. LIFE AND DEATH
LXVI. MEET MISS DIX AND GO TO FREDERICKSBURG
LXVII. THE OLD THEATER
LXVIII. AM PLACED IN AUTHORITY
LXIX. VISITORS
LXX. WOUNDED OFFICERS
LXXI. "NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP"
LXXII. MORE VICTIMS AND A CHANGE OF BASE
LXXIII. PRAYERS ENOUGH AND TO SPARE
LXXIV. GET OUT OF THE OLD THEATER
LXXV. TAKE BOAT AND SEE A SOCIAL PARTY
LXXVI. TAKE FINAL LEAVE OF FREDERICKSBURG
LXXVII. TRY TO GET UP A SOCIETY AND GET SICK
LXXVIII. AN EFFICIENT NURSE
LXXIX. TWO FREDERICKSBURG PATIENTS
LXXX. AM ENLIGHTENED
CONCLUSION
HALF A CENTURY.
CHAPTER I.
I FIND LIFE.
Those soft pink circles which fell upon my face and hands, caught in my hair, danced around my feet, and frolicked over the billowy waves of bright, green grass—did I know they were apple blossoms? Did I know it was an apple tree through which I looked up to the blue sky, over which white clouds scudded away toward the great hills? Had I slept and been awakened by the wind to find myself in the world?
It is probable that I had for some time been familiar with that tree, and all my surroundings, for I had been breathing two and a half years, and had made some progress in the art of reading and sewing, saying catechism and prayers. I knew the gray kitten which walked away; knew that the girl who brought it back and reproved me for not holding it was Adaline, my nurse; knew that the young lady who stood near was cousin Sarah Alexander, and that the girl to whom she gave directions about putting bread into a brick oven was Big Jane; that I was Little Jane, and that the white house across the common was Squire Horner's.
There was no surprise in anything save the loveliness of blossom and tree; of the grass beneath and the sky above; and this first indelible imprint on my memory seems to have found this inner something I call me, as capable of reasoning as it has ever been.
While I sat and wondered, father came, took me in his loving arms and carried me to mother's room, where she lay in a tent-bed, with blue foliage and blue birds outlined on the white ground of the curtains, like the apple-boughs on the blue and white sky. The cover was turned down, and I was permitted to kiss a baby-sister, and warned to be good, lest Mrs. Dampster, who had brought the baby, should come and take it away. This autocrat was pointed out, as she sat in a gray dress, white 'kerchief and cap, and no other potentate has ever inspired me with such reverential awe.
My second memory is of a "great awakening" to a sense of sin, and of my lost and undone condition. On a warm summer day, while walking alone on the common which lay between home and Squire Horner's house, I was struck motionless by the thought that I had forgotten God. It seemed probable, considering the total depravity of my nature, that I had been thinking bad thoughts, and these I labored to recall, that I might repent and plead with Divine mercy for forgiveness. But alas! I could remember nothing save the crowning crime—forgetfulness of God.
I seemed to stand outside, and see myself a mere mite, in a pink sun-bonnet and white bib, the very chief of sinners, for the probability was I had been thinking of that bonnet and bib. It was quite certain that God knew my sin; and ah, the crushing horror that I could, by no possibility conceal aught from the All-seeing Eye, while it was equally impossible to win its approval. The Divine Law was so perfect that I could not hope to meet its requirements—the Divine Law-giver so alert that no sin could escape detection.
Under that cloud of doom the sunshine grew dark, and I did not dare to move until a cheery voice called out something about my pretty bonnet, and gave me a sense of companionship in this dreadful, dreadful world. Rose, a large native African, had spoken to me from her place in Squire Horner's kitchen, and I went home full of solemn resolves and sad forebodings.
This is probably what evangelists would call my conversion, and it came in my third summer. There was a fire in the grate when mother showed Dr. Robt. Wilson, our family physician, a pair of wristbands and collar I had stitched for father, and when they spoke of me as not being three years old—but then I had in my mind the marks of that "great awakening."
To me, no childhood was possible under the training this indicates, yet in giving that training, my parents were loving and gentle as they were faithful. Believing in the danger of eternal death, they could but guard me from it, by the only means of which they had any knowledge.
Before the completion of that momentous third year of life, I had learned to read the New Testament readily, and was deeply grieved that our pastor played "patty cake" with my hands, instead of hearing me recite my catechism, and talking of original sin. During that winter I went regularly to school, where I was kept at the head of a spelling-class, in which were young men and women. One of these, Wilkins McNair, used to carry me home, much amused, no doubt, by my supremacy. His father, Col. Dunning McNair, was proprietor of the village, and had been ridiculed for predicting that, in the course of human events, there would be a graded, McAdamized road, all the way from Philadelphia to Pittsburg, and that if he did not live to see it his children would. He was a neighbor and friend of Wm. Wilkins, afterwards Judge, Secretary of War, and Minister to Russia, and had named his son for him. When his prediction was fulfilled and the road made, it ran through his land, and on it he laid out the village and called it Wilkinsburg. Mr. McNair lived south of it in a rough stone house—the manor of the neighborhood—with half a dozen slave huts ranged before the kitchen door, and the gateway between his grounds and the village, as seen from the upper windows of our house, was, to me, the boundary between the known and the unknown, the dread portal through which came Adam, the poor old ragged slave, with whom my nurse threatened me when I did not do as she wished. He was a wretched creature, who made and sold hickory brooms, as he dragged his rheumatic limbs on the down grade of life, until he found