The Pursuit of the House-Boat. John Kendrick Bangs
surprising. However, in view of his rank, I deemed it well to fall in with his humor. ‘Oh, as for that,’ I replied, ‘that is a part of my business. It is the detective’s place to know everything; and generally, if he reveals the machinery by means of which he reaches his conclusions, he is a fool, since his method is his secret, and his secret his stock in trade. I do not mind telling you, however, that I knew your watch was stolen by your anxious glance at my clock, which showed that you wished to know the time. Now most rich Americans have watches for that purpose, and have no hesitation about showing them. If you’d had a watch, you’d have looked at it, not at my clock.’
“My visitor laughed, and repeated what he had said about my being a wonderful man.
“ ‘And the dents which my son made cutting his teeth?’ he added.
“ ‘Invariably go with an American’s watch. Rubber or ivory rings aren’t good enough for American babies to chew on,’ said I. ‘They must have gold watches or nothing.’
“ ‘And finally, how did you know I was a rich American?’ he asked.
“ ‘Because no other can afford to stop at hotels like the Savoy in the height of the season,’ I replied, thinking that the jest would end there, and that he would now reveal his identity and speak of the tiara. To my surprise, however, he did nothing of the sort.
“ ‘You have an almost supernatural gift,’ he said. ‘My name is Bunker. I am stopping at the Savoy. I am an American. I was rich when I arrived here, but I’m not quite so bloated with wealth as I was, now that I have paid my first week’s bill. I have lost my watch; such a watch, too, as you describe, even to the dents. Your only mistake was that the dents were made by my son John, and not Willie; but even there I cannot but wonder at you, for John and Willie are twins, and so much alike that it sometimes baffles even their mother to tell them apart. The watch has no very great value intrinsically, but the associations are such that I want it back, and I will pay £200 for its recovery. I have no clew as to who took it. It was numbered—’
“Here a happy thought struck me. In all my description of the watch I had merely described my own, a very cheap affair which I had won at a raffle. My visitor was deceiving me, though for what purpose I did not on the instant divine. No one would like to suspect him of having purloined his wife’s tiara. Why should I not deceive him, and at the same time get rid of my poor chronometer for a sum that exceeded its value a hundredfold?”
“Good business!” cried Shylock.
The stranger smiled and bowed.
“Excellent,” he said. “I took the words right out of his mouth. ‘It was numbered 86507B!’ I cried, giving, of course, the number of my own watch.
“He gazed at me narrowly for a moment, and then he smiled. ‘You grow more marvellous at every step. That was indeed the number. Are you a demon?’
“ ‘No,’ I replied. ‘Only something of a mind-reader.’
“Well, to be brief, the bargain was struck. I was to look for a watch that I knew he hadn’t lost, and was to receive £200 if I found it. It seemed to him to be a very good bargain, as, indeed, it was, from his point of view, feeling, as he did, that there never having been any such watch, it could not be recovered, and little suspecting that two could play at his little game of deception, and that under any circumstances I could foist a ten-shilling watch upon him for two hundred pounds. This business concluded, he started to go.
“ ‘Won’t you have a little Scotch?’ I asked, as he started, feeling, with all that prospective profit in view, I could well afford the expense. ‘It is a stormy night.’
“ ‘Thanks, I will,’ said he, returning and seating himself by my table—still, to my surprise, keeping his hat on.
“ ‘Let me take your hat,’ I said, little thinking that my courtesy would reveal the true state of affairs. The mere mention of the word hat brought about a terrible change in my visitor; his knees trembled, his face grew ghastly, and he clutched the brim of his beaver until it cracked. He then nervously removed it, and I noticed a dull red mark running about his forehead, just as there would be on the forehead of a man whose hat fitted too tightly; and that mark, gentlemen, had the undulating outline of nothing more nor less than a tiara, and on the apex of the uppermost extremity was a deep indentation about the size of a shilling, that could have been made only by some adamantine substance! The mystery was solved! The robber of the Duchess of Brokedale stood before me.”
A suppressed murmur of excitement went through the assembled spirits, and even Messrs. Hawkshaw and Le Coq were silent in the presence of such genius.
“My plan of action was immediately formulated. The man was completely at my mercy. He had stolen the tiara, and had it concealed in the lining of his hat. I rose and locked the door. My visitor sank with a groan into my chair.
“ ‘Why did you do that?’ he stammered, as I turned the key in the lock.
“ ‘To keep my Scotch whiskey from evaporating,’ I said, dryly. ‘Now, my lord,’ I added, ‘it will pay your Grace to let me have your hat. I know who you are. You are the Duke of Brokedale. The Duchess of Brokedale has lost a valuable tiara of diamonds, and you have not lost your watch. Somebody has stolen the diamonds, and it may be that somewhere there is a Bunker who has lost such a watch as I have described. The queer part of it all is,’ I continued, handing him the decanter, and taking a couple of loaded six-shooters out of my escritoire—‘the queer part of it all is that I have the watch and you have the tiara. We’ll swap the swag. Hand over the bauble, please.’
“ ‘But—’ he began.
“ ‘We won’t have any butting, your Grace,’ said I. ‘I’ll give you the watch, and you needn’t mind the £200; and you must give me the tiara, or I’ll accompany you forthwith to the police, and have a search made of your hat. It won’t pay you to defy me. Give it up.’
“He gave up the hat at once, and, as I suspected, there lay the tiara, snugly stowed away behind the head-band.
“ ‘You are a great fellow.’ said I, as I held the tiara up to the light and watched with pleasure the flashing brilliance of its gems.
“ ‘I beg you’ll not expose me,’ he moaned. ‘I was driven to it by necessity.’
“ ‘Not I,’ I replied. ‘As long as you play fair it will be all right. I’m not going to keep this thing. I’m not married, and so have no use for such a trifle; but what I do intend is simply to wait until your wife retains me to find it, and then I’ll find it and get the reward. If you keep perfectly still, I’ll have it found in such a fashion that you’ll never be suspected. If, on the other hand, you say a word about to-night’s events, I’ll hand you over to the police.’
“ ‘Humph!’ he said. ‘You couldn’t prove a case against me.’
“ ‘I can prove any case against anybody,’ I retorted. ‘If you don’t believe it, read my book,’ I added, and I handed him a copy of my memoirs.
“ ‘I’ve read it,’ he answered, ‘and I ought to have known better than to come here. I thought you were only a literary success.’ And with a deep-drawn sigh he took the watch and went out. Ten days later I was retained by the Duchess, and after a pretended search of ten days more I found the tiara, restored it to the noble lady, and received the £5000 reward. The Duke kept perfectly quiet about our little encounter, and afterwards we became stanch friends; for he was a good fellow, and was driven to his desperate deed only by the demands of his creditors, and the following Christmas he sent me the watch I had given him, with the best wishes of the season.
“So, you see, gentlemen, in a moment, by quick wit and a mental concentration of no mean order, combined with strict observance of the pettiest details, I ferreted out what bade fair to become a great diamond mystery; and when I say that this cigar end proves certain things to my mind, it does not become you to doubt the value of my conclusions.”