Brains Confounded by the Ode of Abū Shādūf Expounded. Yūsuf al-Shirbīnī
موجعًا وأخرجه من القرية على أسوأ حال
It is said that an emir who had obtained the tax farm of a village in the country went to inspect it, as is the custom of tax farmers. After he had entered the village and set himself up at the place of authority, which the peasants call the House of Binding, the peasants came to meet him, «swarming in from every hillside»82 and led by an aged shaykh leaning on a staff. When the tax farmer saw the old man, he stood up to honor him and sat him down beside him out of respect for his age, saying to himself, “He may well be a righteous man, for there is none in the village older than he.” Then the emir set about urging them to sow and to reap and to pay the sultan’s taxes and the fine on the landless83 and to work hard and look lively and help one another. When he was done, the aged shaykh arose and, placing himself in front of the emir, said, “I would like to give you some advice and guidance, Emir, about something that you should do and which, if you do it, will make them look lively and pay the tax.” “Speak, Shaykh,” the emir told him, “for there is none among them of greater age or higher standing than yourself.” “If you want my advice then,” said the shaykh, “knock down that there mosque in the middle of the village, for every day they gather there for that prayer business that people go on about and drop what they ought to be doing. If it’s knocked down, they’ll get on with the sowing and reaping and pay the tax. If I’d listened to them, Emir, and taken to going to the mosque every day, I would have fallen behind on the sultan’s taxes and gotten nothing out of it in return, but all my life I’ve refused to have anything to do with this prayer business that people go on about, and I’ve never even been inside the mosque!” The emir marveled at the man’s great age, lack of religion, and extreme ignorance, and he told him, “You are a man whose life has been long and whose deeds have been evil!” Then he hung his sandals round his neck, mounted him backwards on a donkey, and had him paraded around the village while his crimes were proclaimed, after first having severely beaten him, and he expelled him from the village in a most parlous state.
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(ويحكى أنّ أبا نواس جلس يومًا هو والخليفة هارون الرشيد في محلّ المنادمة والملاطفة) فأحضر بين يدي أبي نواس صحنًا من الخُشْتَنانَك المحشوّ بالسكر وصار يأكل هو وإيّاه فقال الخليفة يا أبا نواس يمكن أنّ أحدًا من الناس لا يعرف هذا فقال نعم يا ملك عوامّ الريف وفلّاحين القرى وأضرابهم فإنّهم أناس نشأوا في أكل الدُخْن والذرة فضلًا عن الحِنْطة ولا يعرفوا هذا ولا غيره من المأكولات إلّا العدس والبيسار فقال له الخليفة لا بدّ أن تُحْضِرَ لي رجلًا منهم في هذه الساعة وإلّا قتلتك قال فقام أبو نواس من عند الخليفة متحيّرًا يمشي في شوارع بغداد فرأى رجلًا يحاكي سارية الجبل من طوله وعليه جُبّة من صوف إلى ركبته وقد اتّسخت وتمزّقت من سائر الجوانب وكلّما حكّ جلده من الوسخ تمزّقت من تقادم العهد بها وطول الزمن وإذا أراد أن يتحزّم عليها بان أيره وانكشفت عورته وإذا بال بال عليها من غير مانع لكونه لا يعرف الطهارة من النجاسة وعلى رأسه لِبْدة من الصوف طويلة مثل القحف دائر من غير سقف وقد ربط وطاه في حبل ولفعه خلف قفاه وبيده رغيف ذرة يأكل فيه وهو ينظر إلى الحوانيت مثل المرتاب وهو في حيرة لا يدري أين يذهب ويأكل وينظر إلى الناس مثل المجانين وقد طارت عيناه
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