Brains Confounded by the Ode of Abū Shādūf Expounded, with Risible Rhymes. Yūsuf al-Shirbīnī
the One-Eyed, the Snub-Nosed, the Plugger, the Extender, and the Demolisher of Donjons and Conqueror of Castles, along with the kunyahs of Father of Campaigns, Father of Collisions, Father of Disturbances, Father of Earthquakes, and so on. If a man gives it free rein and obeys its whims, it will propel him into the most terrible calamities. Says Ibn ʿArūs, God have mercy upon him:
The people in God are lost,
And praise of noble men spreads far and wide.
Naught hurts me but my belly
And this thing that’s dangling by its side.
The testicles may be likened to two hens. A certain poet made up the following lines to make fun of his shaykh:
O Lord, relieve us of our woe—O Lord!
O Lord, seize upon our shaykh, of facial hair galore!
His testes when he’s bended o’er
Are like two chickens pecking grain up off the floor.
11.4.11
To sum up, khuṣā with u204 and khiṣā with i, and likewise with w instead of the ā,205 are names common to the male organ and the testicles, this falling under the rubric of “naming a thing according to its neighbors.” The word khiṣyatayn is of the pattern of ḍarṭatayn (“two audible farts”) or shakhkhatayn (“two pisses”), so it contains both farts and pisses for sure. Both words206 are derived from khuṣṣ (“hovel”) with u, or from a village named al-Khuṣūṣ,207 or, for example, from the word ikhṣā (“bad dog!”) that they use for dogs. The paradigm is khaṣā, yakhṣū, khaṣāʾan.208 As the poet says:
Khaṣā, yakhṣū are the base forms of khiṣyatayn.
khaṣāʾ is correct in the verse of al-Ṭunayn.209
This brings these fatuous discussions and inane problems to an end.
11.4.12
bi-khulbat līf (“a palm-fiber knot”): that is, a strong knot going twice around his balls with a rope made of plaited palm fiber (līf), which is so called because it is wrapped (multaff)210 around the bases of palm fronds. This knot is called a khulbah because it grasps (takhlibu) a thing that can then only be released from it with difficulty. In the jargon of shepherds, if they want to tie something tightly, they say, “Secure it with a clove hitch (khulbat watid, literally, ‘peg knot’)”, that is, wrap the rope around it twice and tie it tightly so that it cannot come undone. It is derived from the khalb (“reaping”) of crops, or from the mikhlāb (“talon”) of birds, or from “deceptive” lightning (barq khullab), with u after the k and double l, meaning lightning that brings no rain.211 Says Ibn al-ʿArabī, God benefit us through him:
All those who seek Your favor have been granted rain;
Your lightning has failed in its promise to me alone.
11.4.13
Next the poet mentions the reason his hair has turned prematurely white. He says:
TEXT
11.5
wa-min nazlati l-kushshāfi shābat ʿawāriḍī
wa-ṣāra li-qalbī lawʿatun wa-rajīf
And from the descent of the Inspectors, my side whiskers have turned white
and my heart is afflicted with pangs and trembling.
COMMENTARY
11.5.1
wa-min nazlat (“And from the descent of”): nazlah212 is the instance noun from nuzūl (“descending”) and is applied to a large company if it alights at a place and remains there a while. Thus one speaks of nazlat banī fulān (“the settlement of the tribe of So-and-so”) and nazlat al-ʿarab (“the settlement of the Bedouin”) and nazlat al-ghawāzī (“the settlement of the Ghawāzī”); hence also the village known as al-Nazlah.213 Nuzūl means “the descent of something from higher to lower” and its opposite is ṣuʿūd, which means “ascent from lower to higher”; one says, “He ascended (ṣaʿada) to the top of the mountain and descended (nazala) to the lowest part of the land.” Describing a mettlesome steed, Imruʾ al-Qays214 says:
At once wheeling and turning, advancing and retreating,
Match for a boulder that the flood throws down from above.
11.5.2
al-kushshāfi (“the Inspectors”): plural of kāshif, so called because he inspects (yakshifu) the region placed under his charge and does away with whatever corruption and unauthorized imposts may exist there, and dams the waterways, strengthens the dikes, and rids the place of robbers; such was the custom of every Inspector in former times. He would behave righteously and make a progress around the settlements, and when he approached a village the drums would beat and those who had introduced unsanctioned practices and the corrupt would feel frightened and run away in fear of him and sometimes fall into his hands, in which case he would punish them as they deserved, whether by execution, imprisonment, beating, or fines. Then he would descend on the village, if it was his custom to stop there, and its shaykhs would come and stand before him in the utmost terror and fear, while he interrogated them concerning their affairs and asked them who was corrupt and who had introduced unsanctioned practices, and enjoined them to apprehend the latter if they were not in the village. Afterward they would hurry to bring him the customary food, drink, and presents. If any conflict had arisen among them in a village, or any killing, or they had shown disobedience to their Master, he would attack them on the viceroy’s orders, lay waste to the village, kill those of them who deserved to be killed, and destroy the rebels and tyrants.215 However that may be,216 his presence in charge of the provinces constitutes a mercy, a shield, and a discovery of afflictions, provided no injury is done to people at his hands or at the hands of his soldiers by way of seizure of their property, harassment, or commanding them to provide food and drink beyond their capacity to do so. Should such things occur, it should be considered injustice and, as such, forbidden by religion, and whatever is taken should be returned to its owner (unless he had provided it of his own free will in the first place, in which case there is no objection).
11.5.3
His saying “the Inspectors,” even though there would not be more than one of them, should be taken as implying the suppression of the first term of a genitive annexation,217 whose implied sense would be “from the continuous descents of inspector after inspector, accompanied by the terror and fear that afflict me as a result of the beating of the drums, the stamping of the horses’ hoofs, the Inspector’s awe-inspiring demeanor when on progress and descending on the village, and the thudding of my heart at the sight of the soldiers, the retainers, and the torturers, and my fear that he should cause me injury on this account.”
11.5.4
shābat ʿawāriḍī (“my side whiskers have turned white”): because of my inability to face the Inspectors and my having nothing for them to take from my house such as dung cakes for the kitchen or anything else. Consequently, my limbs tremble, my heart flutters, and white hairs sprout before their time. White hairs are a sign of the Almighty’s favor, with which He honors one of His slaves. The first to grow white hairs was Ibrāhīm the Beloved,218 blessings and peace be upon him. Half his beard turned white, and he said, “Lord, what is this?” The Lord said, “It is a token of your venerability in this world, and a light for you in the next.” So Ibrāhīm said, “Lord, give me more of this venerability!” and he awoke the next morning and the whole of his beard had turned white. In the Tradition it says, “Verily, God would feel ashamed to treat harshly hairs that had turned white in Islam.”