The Four Rs of Parenting. Carmen Bynoe Bovell
of what they are instilling in their children. Children will observe their parents’ behavior and mimic how they treat each other and how they interact with others in the world. As a parent, you are fully responsible for your child, to teach them to be fully responsible, successful contributors to society. You are your child’s first teacher, and you play an important role in their early and ongoing development.
Parenting includes setting high standards for your children; it is therefore important to think about what you want to intentionally and thoughtfully impart to your children, as well as how you are going to demonstrate consistency between your values and your behavior. Some persons may be more suited to be parents than others because they are willing to embrace the commitment that parenting requires.
Parents need outside support. They need “a village” to support them in carrying out their parenting responsibilities and should not be timid or afraid to ask for assistance.
Single parenting can be one-sided, and certain components may be left out; therefore, it’s important for both parents to be actively engaged in raising their child.
Divorced parents co-parent in separate households; therefore, it’s important for both parents to facilitate the relationships between and among the adults and children.
It’s important to note that young children may not fully understand what parents are trying to impart to them, because they do not have the background experiences to facilitate their projections into the future.
Parents should also be aware that children have their own unique personalities from birth and their main focus should not be on changing the things they don’t like about their children; rather, they should be more of a guide, an influencer, and the best example in the lives of their children.
Chapter 2
Parents Share Their Views on the Value Respect
Respect
Respect is a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem or regard…it is also the process of honoring someone by exhibiting care, concern, or consideration for their needs or feelings. (Wikipedia 2018)
Respect your efforts. Respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.
—Clint Eastwood
It’s important to begin with the value respect, as it is the foundation for positive human relationships and the building block for warm, nurturing, effective parent-child relationships. Parents need to understand and accept the value of first respecting themselves so they can fully understand and accept the value of respecting their children. Respect is a positive force in the child-rearing process. When parents have high regard for themselves and understand the critical role they play in the lives of their children, they will, most likely (naturally), demonstrate respect for their children in the way they relate to them, that is, holding them in high regard and taking adequate care of their needs and concerns to the fullest extent that they can.
Parental self-respect leads to their demonstration of respect for their children, which in turn leads to children’s development of self-respect and in turn their respect for others. It is a winning continuum.
As a parent, how do you define the concept or value of respect, including self-respect?
How do you show respect for yourself, your child or children, and others?
Marguerite Anderson
Respect for me is understanding other people’s boundaries. It’s a general way of interacting with other people. For me it always comes back to kindness and understanding that different people have different things that work for them. So just bearing in mind that what works for you may not work for someone else and just having the overall view that you should be mindful of that. You should be caring when dealing with other people. So in terms of how we teach our son, George respect, we basically set boundaries for him; we tell him, “Now, George, you can’t do these things because you would hurt Mommy,” or “If you’re trying to hit Mommy that hurt,” or “You can’t throw your utensils on the ground because that’s disrespectful. Other people have to clean it up. It’s not what we do when we’re at the table. We use our manners.” That one is a little more challenging. He’s not throwing food as much as he did even a week ago. He’s learning the word done, so he’s following instructions now; he’s now saying “Done” before he starts throwing and hitting me with things. But he has paused, which is good. With respect you have to repeat often; you have to teach them rules.
Christopher Blanchard
Having respect is being there for another person and not doing the wrong thing but doing what’s right for that person, not just doing your own thing. It’s about being loyal to that person and following the rules and orders you set for yourselves. Self-respect is also very important. It’s being important to yourself and doing what you feel is right. It’s very important because you need to set a good example for your children so you’re the person that they look up to, and they need you because they need to learn how to behave and how to act so they look at you as the person to show them what having self-respect means and setting the example of what is right and what is wrong.
Holly Blum
Respect is in your heart. Holding people in high esteem. And I think there’s an expectation, as far as I’m concerned, that you treat everybody respectfully. You don’t have to respect everybody, and you don’t have to agree with everybody, but you should treat them with respect. Everybody deserves to be treated that way; whether you agree with somebody’s values or whether you agree or disagree with somebody’s way of doing things, you still treat them respectfully. My expectation was that my child would treat other people respectfully too, even if she didn’t agree with them. It’s important because it’s closely connected to kindness and a willingness to understand, empathize, and be compassionate.
Robert Bovell
Respect is important for both parents and children. As a child develops, we look for how he/she is learning to be respectful. Children learn to respect parents from infancy, you know, “Don’t touch that, if you touch that, there’s an end result,” whether it’s punishment or maybe a corporal spanking on the bottom, or taking away a prize possession. So from these experiences children learn that “Oh, if I listened and obeyed my parents, these things won’t get taken away from me or I won’t be disciplined in this manner,” and that is a form of respect. Also, the manner in which we respond to our children and the person with whom we live, whether fiancée, or husband or wife, teaches a child how he should behave if he expects a certain response from others. This is what makes respect an important value and why parents should establish respect within a child by monitoring their behavior and their response to behavior around children. We need to underline the word respect when it comes to raising children. Once children hear cursing, or once they see abuse, they later find out that that’s a disrespectful behavior. So the more you teach of something, the less of the negative side you’re going to get to it.
Marlon Bovell
To me respect is a big one because I tend to use that word sometimes with the kids. I don’t think I say it to them; I probably say it around them and more so when I say, “You’re not going to disrespect me.” I think that’s what I may say to them.
Respect to me is appreciating what others do for you and with you and allowing them to make their own decisions, or allowing them to be their own person without damaging their well-being. When it comes to the children, I talk to them about respecting other people, and I also stress that they should not disrespect their parents. If we tell them something they should not talk back, or if they show attitude or a certain tone of voice, I tell them that that’s not respectful. I explain to them that we’re telling them these things because we know better and for their well-being.
As a husband and father, in thinking of how I demonstrate respect I always think about what a good friend of mine told me, my friend Sean. We talked before I got married. I was already