18 Stories on the Train. Алем Гулу оглу Кенгерли (Акперов)
and ease herself that way, free herself from suffering. Tale was confused. He did not know what to do. And Kenul just would not stop.
Tale approached her with caution. He stroke her hair and uttered: “Kenul, please. Don’t cry. If you love me, don’t cry.”
She seemed to become drunk from his touch. Wiping away her tears, she said, “My marriage turned out to be a torture for me. At that time, I was envied for the fact I was being married to a rich man. What do I need his money for if the man drinks every day and spends his time with his drunkard friends? He is not an educated man, far removed from any ideas of decency. He is not bothered by his family or by his only child. His son is 9 already and there were hardly 9 times when he would ask something about him. Believe me, Tale, if it were not for the son, I would have laid my hands on me long ago.”
Tale mentally plunged into those years full of pleasant memories. Without taking his eyes off Kenul, he carefully put his hand on her shoulder.
“I understand you perfectly, Kenul. But what can I do? We have to endure it. Don’t worry. Everything will settle down over time. And throw these blasphemous thoughts away from your head. Keep thinking about your son’s upbringing only. He will grow into a good man and will cure all of your wounds. You’ll see for yourself…”
Tale's fingers trembled slightly while resting on Kenul's shoulder. The latter continued to sob. Her shoulders were shaking from time to time. Some time passed. Kenul was finally able to calm down. She wiped her tears again with the sleeve of her robe. Seeing Tale embarrassed she thought that maybe he was sorry for the past, so she said:
“Alright, I did manage to upset even you.”
They opened the door again. Kenul kept asking the guy: “Tell me, how are you? How is your life with your spouse?” “Nothing to shout about. Just normal life.”
“You don’t love her, do you? Tell me you don’t. Admit it, you did not love anyone after me.”
The man did not like these questions. He tried to avoid answering.
“I have two kids: a boy and a girl. They don’t go to school yet. They’re too small yet. My son resembles me, while the daughter… I think she is your lookalike. Maybe it’s not the truth, but that’s how I feel.”
She was delighted at his words. But soon she declared with sadness in her voice, “You did not change at all, and I have become old. My destiny made me old.” Kenul has really turned uglier. Her former beauty was gone. In her eyes, one could see the pain from the hard life that she lived. Tale could not resist and began to reproach, even accuse her, “It’s your own fault, Kenul. You didn’t believe in me. You didn’t follow me.”
Kenul seemed to have shrunk somehow.
“I couldn’t. Did not dare. I wanted but I didn’t make it. I sacrificed my life for mother’s tears. I couldn’t say no to my father who would always say, “I promised Ali-kishi, do not dishonor me in front of the people!” I ruined my life for my parents. And they traded me for gold, wealth and fame. Nowadays, while being in that mansion, brightly lit by powerful chandeliers, I feel myself in darkness. My whole life went downhill. I am utterly unhappy. I really miss my old house, where I lived before marriage. How happy I was at that time. I guess you cursed me.”
The man became very affected by these last words.
“What are you saying? What cursing? I am not like that. I am unable to curse anyone. Besides, by doing this, I would have cursed myself too. Don’t you think so, Kenul?”
She got up slowly from her chair. She took his hands and looked into his eyes. “Why didn’t we unite, Tale? What did we do to anger God?”
“…”
“You have preserved your youth and charm up to this day. I keep on loving you. I love you like crazy, with all of my heart.”
Tale could not pull his hands out.
“Kenul, what if someone enters. Don’t create problems for yourself, he said quietly.”
“Let them come. You know, Tale, all these years I have been living with you in my mind. I kissed you and I caressed you. There was not a single day that I spent without you. Every time they humiliated me I remembered your pride and I endured. How could I forget your warmth, your caress, even the funny jokes you used to tell me? I must have spent all the happy days that destiny had for me with you.”
Kenul calmed down and Tale came to his senses. He stroke her head and tried to cheer her up:
“Just be patient, Kenul. All will pass. You will see, gradually everything will be settled. I can visit you if you want. You can trust me.”
What woman does not get soothed by such comforting words coming from her beloved man?
“So you say you will visit. You know, that would be great. Don’t worry about me. I am not afraid of my husband. I just couldn’t divorce him. My parents are against it. They say “don’t dishonor us.” I don’t know what to do. I have lost my mind. Life does not mean a thing for me anymore. And now, I am happy that you exist, Tale. You know…”
He didn’t let her finish:
“You are wrong, Kenul. After all, you have a child, you blood son. You have to live for him. You have to educate him well.”
Clutching his hands in hers, she sighed:
“Youjust keep on supporting me, huh? You’re a good man. You don’t want to see me down, you encourage me to live.”
Then she added,
“Tale, if you really love me, make me forget my suffering. Press me against your chest and kiss me passionately, from the heart, as in those years when we were young. I want to feel as if I am yours. Do not deny me this happiness, I implore!” The man glanced uneasily at the door, trying to gently push her away from him. He knew he could not allow such closeness.
“Be smart, Kenul. Don’t say such things. You’re not a child, are you? You do understand what you are saying. You want to destroy your family? And what will your parents say, your relatives, your coworkers? What will your son’s friends say? He will hate you…”
“…”
“It’s late, Kenul. I am leaving. We have already been here for a long time. What the others might think?”
Annoyance could be clearly heard in her voice.
“I don’t care. I have missed you all these years. You cannot imagine the relief I felt today.”
Once again Kenul began to persuade her beloved to hug her. She assured that there was nothing bad about this. But Tale did not agree and she had to retreat.
“Let me examine you at least, and then you’ll go,” she said.
Tale felt satisfied that he was able to lighten the mood, and therefore went on: “Not worth the trouble, dear. I have no serious complaints. It's too late, I am leaving. I need to get to work. I’ll come tomorrow, you’ll take a good look at me.”
She could not object:
“Okay, Tale. You have no idea how you made me happy with your visit. I will be waiting, be sure to come.”
Kenul put her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest. He felt her heartbeat by his own heart. It was as if two hearts were beating in one chest. She hugged his chest so hard… He kissed her in the forehead and went out quietly.
The next day, Kenul waited for Tale for a long time, but he never came. He did not appear on other days either.
She waited for many days. Every time the door opened, she hoped it was him. These expectations were exhausting for Kenul, but at the same time, they brought some meaning to her monotonous and dull life.
She lived in the hope that one morning at nine o'clock, Tale would open this door and embrace his Kenul with a smile on his face.
2
The rain seemed to have gained force. The raindrops were beating hard against the glass. When you go out on a long journey,