Finding the Sun Through the Clouds. Dawnmarie Deshaies
bags and started to run. I ran after them and yelled to the team to call the police. As I was running in high heels, one of the lifters dropped the bag, while the other one kept running. Suddenly, as I was approaching the discarded bag when I felt my legs pull out from under me and I collapsed to the floor. The two lifters got away with the other large bag of merchandise. The mall security team came over to me to help me up and walk me back to the store.
I was shaking and couldn’t really feel my feet and legs. The mall security sat me down and had a medical team check me out. It felt like I had been knocked down by a truck full of bricks. The phantom fatigue and the pain were so intense I started to cry. Robert rushed to my work and took me to the hospital. They said I just pulled a leg muscle. The very next day, I was in more pain than I had ever felt before. My legs were weak, and my body was so fatigued. The phantoms surged and attacked from every angle, it seemed. I took the medication Flexural and popped a Xanax. I went to a specialist, and he said I had pulled my sciatic nerve. He gave me some medication, and I was out of work for three weeks.
With the medication, I could walk without feeling like I was going to fall flat on my face. My left hand, however, was always going numb on me. My visions continued to give me trouble. The idea of me losing my mind was the most outstanding thought in my head. Over those three weeks of recovery, I attended therapy three times a week for my legs. I would tell my therapist all the symptoms happening to me, and she looked at me like I was a hypochondriac. I almost thought she was right. I started to keep it all to myself. I pushed that unresolved thought as deep as I could.
I went back to work at Victoria’s Secret and continued my job with my all-too-famous smile. After work, I would go home feeling so fatigued, every damn day. Robert would ask me how I was doing, and I would tell him I was okay. I didn’t want him to worry. It was my problem, so I dealt with the everyday pains that had no name. It was around this time I coined the name phantoms. I didn’t want to be that wife that was always complaining, blaming my pain and worries on my persistent sickness. I stayed focused on my job and worked hard every day, just like all those days before. I made every day seem like everything was great. The only person I would tell my problems to was Jenna. She always agreed there was something wrong—the doctors were obviously missing something. These symptoms shouldn’t be considered normal for any person. Jenna and I would laugh a lot together. She got married on September 4. She married her best friend, Bob, who also worked in retail. They looked like the perfect couple. Bob was a giant with dark hair, and Jenna was every man’s dream. Before we knew it, Robert and I had been living in Newport Beach for four years.
Chapter 19
The Haunted House
Robert sold his company to another software company, and following his sale, we were moving to New York. We lived in this little town called Port Jefferson. We moved in to a little house right across from a beautiful Catholic church. This house was perfectly charming. The house had a wraparound white porch with two rocking chairs next to the front door. It was a light baby-blue color with white shutters. It sat on a small hill and had trees and flowers all over the front of the porch. There was also a graveyard in our backyard, where the church would bury the people who had passed away. I didn’t think much about it at that time.
We unpacked and settled into a new house and adventure once again. There were only one bedroom and a guest room upstairs. I made that my closet. The funny part of this faux guest room was the location of the sink and toilet taking up so much room in this minimal space. The roof of the house was one side of this space, so thank goodness I am only five feet, two inches. If I were any taller, I would’ve hit my head every day just trying to get dressed for the day. I would have been the perfect fourth member of the Three Stooges. The full bathroom was downstairs to the side of the den. Robert’s office was set up near that. It had an old bathtub with claw-feet. In the corner was a makeshift shower with a shower curtain alongside the sink that was original to the home.
The floors in the house were all original as well, except the kitchen floor; it was tile. After settling in to our home, Robert and I started to get to know the small town and all the roads. Soon after that, I started working right away. I would drive into the big city every day. I transferred from my current job at Victoria’s Secret in California to another Victoria’s Secret in New York. I was a store manager once again. My team was amazing, and the store was doing so well. The one thing that was always a hassle for me was the drive. The traffic in NYC is like a personal hell for anybody who drives those roads. Some days, I would listen to books on tape. This made my drive much easier for me. I did love seeing all the changes in the weather again in California. We had differences of climate, but nothing like the East Coast; this was refreshing to me at first. From seeing the first rusted leaf fall, to the first glistening of snow, and then the shimmering of rain during the early spring, the East Coast always was full of pleasant change.
On most days after work, I would drive home and the weather was pretty normal since the time Robert and I moved in. However, there will always be one drive home that I always will remember. It was a rainy day, so the traffic was backed up to the city edges. It was insane! Even as my car crawled its way home, the wind was thrashing and blowing my car all over the road. I was driving a Honda Accord at that time; it was dark green and had a tan interior. I’ve always had cars with colors that would cheer me up, especially when I was stressed out. When I look at brightly colored vehicles, my mood increases 1,000 percent or some ridiculous number like that. Anyways, that night, I got home and the entire sky was like something out of a horror film. The rain was falling, the wind was blowing waves of fury, and I was terrified. Every noise I heard scared the living hell out of me. I was walking up the stairs to the front door of my home when lighting struck the tree directly across the street. That scared the shit out of me, and I ran into the house. As I stumbled inside, I found the power was out, because the lights obviously weren’t working. This sounds like I’m about to be set up like any victim in a horror flick, right? Just wait. I went into the kitchen and looked for the flashlight so I could see where I was going. I found it and then pulled out some candles. I proceeded to light them and put one in the living room, one in the den, and one in the kitchen.
The house felt cold and desolate, void of life. Robert was on his way home from a long week of working in Boston. To make matters slower, he drove instead of flying. I was definitely going to be “Friday the thirteenthed” now. I called him when he was on the ferry coming back from Boston to Port Jefferson and told him the storm was terrible. As I tried to hold back my terror, I spoke into the phone, saying, “Robert, the wind and trees are swinging all over, a-a-and we don’t have electricity. I’m kind of scared.” Knowing very well I was absolutely petrified. The house was super creepy and was making lots of unnerving noises. Every room in the house seemed unfriendly and emotionless. I remember sitting in the living room and thinking to myself, This house is definitely haunted.
As I sat there, my thoughts imagining the most horrific endings imaginable, Robert arrived home two hours after our call. I was so happy he was back with me. I told him the house was haunted; he just laughed and said I was letting my imagination run wild. I felt much calmer with Robert in the house. We talked about our workweek, and we were both exhausted, so we went to bed. In the middle of the night, as Robert and I were sleeping, I heard someone at the front door screaming, “Let me in!” Again, this scared the shit out of me. I could not get any relief, it seemed. Robert confronted the man at the door and told him to leave. The man refused to go, so we had to call the police. The very next day, Robert called the local alarm company to come out and install a security system in the house. I was praying this would make me feel better.
Robert traveled all the time, and I was commuting back and forth to work. I drove over four hours each day to work and home. This alone was so stressful. Work made me happy and gave me purpose. I truly loved my job, and being surrounded by beautiful things all day made it all the better for yours truly. How could one not be happy? I was working with women and selling them sexy lingerie to make them feel confident and beautiful. That was the essence of Victoria’s Secret, and I loved every minute of my job. The women I worked with daily all had one another’s back. It was long hours and weekends, but it kept me busy and entertained. So on my days off, I started to explore the town. It was like going back in time. All the houses were old, and so were all the cities around us.