Short Stories and Nonsense. W.R. Lacy
close. All of a sudden, the rabbit stood on his hind legs and began giving me a lecture, the likes of which I have never seen before! He was speaking English! And very well, I might add. I was dumbfounded. I stood for a while looking at him with a gaping mouth. It appeared he was accusing me of something. Of what, I had no idea. When he paused for a breath, I said “Just what is it I have done?”
He shook his ears and stated, “Why, you have stolen my summer supply of carrots! I can’t imagine why you would do such a thing, you dastardly dude! What have I ever done to you?”
I was flabbergasted. First, I have never seen a rabbit talk…and second, I don’t even like carrots. He continued to rant and rave. Finally, I said “Mr. Rabbit, I did not steal your carrots. I don’t even like carrots.”
“What?!”, he said. “You don’t like carrots?! What about your eyes? How do you see?”
“That’s just an old wives’ tale.” I answered.
He gaped at me and sat on his haunches and looked around.
“I don’t believe that. How could that be?”, he stated. Poor rabbit. He was in such a state. Right at that moment, another rabbit hopped by.
“Did you know that carrots don’t help you see?”, he asked the newcomer. The two rabbits started conversing. It was funny, because I could understand every word they said. They were so upset about the carrots. Made me wish I had never said anything. The rabbits settled down to speak of other things. They talked about their families and where the best place to get carrots and other food stuff was. As the afternoon sun began to set, the rabbits said their goodbyes and started for home. The rabbit I had encountered earlier in the day stopped by to say goodbye. He asked if he could stop by the next day to continue our discussion of the carrot thief. I told him sure and that I would see him later. He said he was going home to his wife and children. He hoped his wife had something good cooked, but since they didn’t have any carrots, he didn’t know what they were having. I went along home thinking I would bring him a bunch of carrots. That should make him happy.
As soon as I got home, I sat in my chair and thought about what I had seen this afternoon. Talking rabbits! I had to be crazy. No one would believe me. I would be admitted to the looney bin. As I sat there and slowly nodded off to sleep, I had a horrendous dream about Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. I awoke with a jerk, and for a moment wondered where I was. After a few minutes, I regained my wits and got up to get ready for bed. The next day was Saturday, so I slept in late. When I got up, I had a great breakfast and started off to the market to buy some carrots. I hoped I could find some that had the green tops still on them. Rabbits like other stuff as well, like cabbage and lettuce. I would buy what I thought Mr. Rabbit and his family would like. I left the market with several bags of produce. I started toward the meadow where I was to meet Mr. Rabbit. He was already there when I arrived.
He stood up and said, “Well, what do you have in your bags?’.
“It’s for you and your family,” I answered.
His ears perked up and he had a quizzical expression on his face. I sat the bags down and proceeded to take the food out of them. Mr. Rabbit’s eyes grew larger and larger, until I thought they might pop out of his head! When I got to the carrots, he started hopping up and down. I thought he might take off, he was hopping so fast.
“Oh, thank you!”, he said. “My wife will be so excited! It has been a long time since we have had such a bounty. Why don’t you come to dinner?”
“Oh really, I couldn’t,” I answered.
“Well, sure you can,” he stated. “I can make it so you will fit in our home.”
“Well, that perked up my ears. “How can you do that?” I asked.
He twitched his ears and winked at me. “Just a woodland secret,” he replied.
Now I was really excited. “Do your thing,” I replied.
“Well, I really have to ask my wife. Could we try for tomorrow?”, he asked.
I told him that would be fine. He started gathering up sacks and I offered to help. He agreed and said he would ask his wife when we got to their burrow. It was not too far before we came to a hole at the base of a tree. There was a well-worn path going inside. I set the bags down and he disappeared down the hole. In a few seconds, he returned for the rest of the food and said it was a go for Sunday evening.
“Be here around six o’clock. I’ll meet you right here and work my magic. Bring your biggest appetite. Goodnight and thank you for everything.”
Down the hole he went before I could respond or say a word. I left and started home. I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Dinner at a rabbit’s house! I wondered if I should bring a dessert. What do rabbits eat for dessert? Carrot cake of course! I had a hard time sleeping that night. I wondered how he was going to shrink me small enough to go down that hole. I had dreams of Peter Rabbit and his family.
The next morning, I was up and about kind of early. I had to go to the market for the dessert, but first I researched desserts for rabbits on the computer. Not much information was available. I did my housework, and then headed out to the market. It was getting close to six o’clock, and I started out to Mr. Rabbit’s house. I arrived at six o’clock sharp. He was waiting for me outside the hole. I handed him the cake and he graciously accepted it and thanked me. Then he said, “Close your eyes and don’t peek.” I did as I was told. I heard some strange noises and felt strange.
“Open your eyes” he said. Everything looked strange! Mr. Rabbit and I were the same size. Now it was my turn to bug my eyes out!
“Are you ready for dinner?”, he asked.
“Starved,” I replied.
He told me to proceed, but I replied, “After you, as I don’t know the way.”
He started off, hopping on his hind legs. Soon we came to a wooden door. Without a knock, he pushed the door open. What a beautiful room! A nice living room with rugs, lamps on tables, and shelves full of books. The most heavenly smell was coming from somewhere else in the home.
“Mother,” he called. “We’re here and our guest brought a lovely dessert.”
From somewhere else in the house, a door opened, and a lovely Mrs. Rabbit came out. She was wearing an apron and looked flushed. “Welcome,” she said, “to our humble home.”
“It’s very lovely,” I answered honestly. “Thank you for having me.”
Just then, a racket erupted from somewhere else and a dozen baby rabbits came tumbling out.
“Children, behave! We have company,” Mrs. Rabbit said.
This did no good. The rabbit children were climbing, hopping, and crawling all over me. I was laughing so hard, I just couldn’t help myself. They were so cute. I wanted to take all of them home with me. Mother finally got them settled down.
“Now,” she said, “let’s get ready for dinner. Our guest has brought lots of good food for us to eat.” Immediately, the children scampered to their places at the table. Mrs. Rabbit sat a lovely table. When all the children were settled, Mr. Rabbit took his place at the head of the table.
“Please sit down next to Mr. Rabbit.” Mrs. Rabbit said. She started bringing food to the table, and it smelled wonderful. So many dishes! I couldn’t believe this was from the food I had brought. When she finished, she sat at the foot of the table and said, “Robert, will you bless our food?”
Mr. Rabbit folded his hands and said a wonderful blessing. When he finished, he started passing bowls. First to me, and I continued passing them on. Soon bowls were going around the table. The children were very well behaved. No one started eating until all the food bowls had been passed and were back in their places at the table. Mr. Rabbit picked up his fork, and so did everyone else. After that, it was eat at your own pace. I have never eaten such good food, and so much of it. I complimented Mrs. Rabbit on a very fine meal.
“It