Unf*ck Yourself, Unf*ck the World. Kagiso Msimango
my friend, is how things start to fall apart.
The majority of what generates this chronic low-level stress in us isn’t what will actually kill you. Worrying about them is what is likely to end you, slowly and expensively. It messes up your thyroid and adrenal glands, compromises your immune, digestive and reproductive systems and mental faculties and creates inflammation in the body which increases your chances of getting a host of terminal illnesses, and other terrible inconveniences, such as strokes and heart attacks.
In short, “normal” life is killing us.
3. It’s a mess!
In the early stages of the lockdown following the outbreak of the coronavirus in 2020, I spent a lot of time on Twitter. I have since deleted the app and deactivated my accounts, for the sake of my mental and emotional wellbeing. Forrest Gump’s mama described life as being “like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gon’ get.” The description is equally apt for Twitter. On the day I decided to call it quits on Twitter, I came across two very interesting threads. The first was a funny, frivolous share by a guy confessing that when he was young his parents told him that when the ice-cream truck played music, it meant that it had run out of ice cream. Many others came out confessing that they were similarly duped.
The other thread was an entirely different kind of chocolate. This post was from a guy who, presumably frustrated at having to stay at home, was criticising his government’s decision to implement a lockdown. He felt that it was absolutely the wrong approach to dealing with the Covid-19 issue. He opined that the government should have taken a similar approach to Tanzania, which at the time had not implemented a lockdown, adding that the World Bank had praised Tanzania’s approach. This is where it got weird. People commented on his post, as they do on social media. Predictably, some disagreed with his stance. His response to all the dissenters was the same, puzzling, short sentence, “What’s your source?” Nothing else.
One woman responded with a question of her own: “Why do you keep on asking ‘What’s your source?’ He’s his source. He’s his source. She’s her source. I’m my source!” It became clear from his follow-up response that his confidence and certainty were derived from the World Bank stamp of approval of Tanzania’s strategy, and unless you could claim a greater authority you had no business disagreeing with him. Which brings us to our very first adage on unfucking yourself:
Unfuck Thyself Commandment No. 1:
Only treat as gospel what you’ve experienced first-hand, or sourced from within.
To all other data add a bag of salt.
Our lives are shaped to a significant extent by the actions we take. The actions we take are influenced by the decisions we make. The decisions we make are influenced by the information we have. We are constantly trying to make sense of the world in order to inform decisions for our best and highest good. We gather information from various sources – first-hand, second-hand, third-hand, and so on, in various ways. Usually, when we have faith in the information we have gathered, we make decisions with confidence and certainty. When we are not entirely confident of the accuracy of the perceived information or the legitimacy of the source, we delay decision-making or are tentative in the actions we take, based on those decisions. The problem is that when we place undue faith in information that isn’t worthy of that level of trust, whatever is built from that shaky foundation is troublesome.
Information is a great way to manipulate people, because we use it to make decisions. This is why media is of such great interest to governments, organisations and other institutions, and why so much money goes into advertising. If you want to influence people’s actions, without the use of force, the most elegant way to do it is to manipulate the information people receive and can perceive. They then take action based on this information with no need for coercion on your part. This is not just about big things like the education system or censorship; it applies on micro levels too, such as when you lie to your boss about why you need to take the day off. We understand that the information we give to people, especially those who trust us, can have an impact on how they perceive reality and, in turn, affect their choices. Just like the parents who told their kids that a musical ice-cream truck is empty, the guy who lies about loving a girl in order to increase his chances of having sex with her, or the way politicians lie about a lot of things a lot of the time.
Soon after I was diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue I found myself in a loose tribe of people suffering from autoimmune disorders. I called us the Sick and Tired Tribe. You’ve got to love this digital age – it’s so easy to find or form a tribe for any issue under the sun. In this particular tribe we bitched and moaned about our symptoms, our bleeding bank accounts, and how people didn’t really believe that we were sick, partly because the sicker we got the fatter we became. It is hard to convince people that you are ill while your thighs seem to be living their best life. You try to explain how a malfunctioning thyroid can lead to rapid and stubborn weight gain and you can almost hear them thinking, “Ooookay, that’s a very educated excuse for staying fat. Perhaps you should read less and run more, you lazy fuck.” As my energy levels began to improve and I complained less about being utterly exhausted all the time, questions were raised by other members of the Sick and Tired Tribe. I’d respond honestly, telling them about drinking solar-charged water, lying on the grass to boost my energy, and the like. Some were open and curious, while others either glazed over or were agitated. Many in the latter group would then bitch-slap me with “science”. Apparently, nothing that was making me feel better was valid because it didn’t make scientific sense. My question, then, is: “If it works, then who cares?”
The funny thing about doubters is that they tend to be the same ones who make fun of religious people, and yet do not realise that the science they spout can be considered their own religion. Have you ever heard someone say: “I believe in the Sun”? Probably not, because enough people have agreed that the existence of the sun is a fact, proven by shared lived experienced. However, people often make statements such as “I believe in God” or angels, or ghosts. This is a tacit accommodation of the understanding that this is a subject or issue of which we do not have definitive proof or a shared lived experience, so we need to introduce the concept of faith – “I believe.”
I have noticed with growing fascination how many of those who bludgeon believers (of any kind, not necessarily in anything spiritual) with “science, research or authority” never actually interrogate this “science” they use to silence or dismiss others. Like the “What’s your source?” guy on Twitter. Often, as long as an article includes the phrase “Scientists say …”, “Scientists have discovered …” or variations thereof, they swallow it hook, line and sinker with little or no interrogation. People who trade in clickbait know this. Have you noticed how many articles on the internet start with similar phrases? That’s because such headlines get clicks and shares. They rely on a combination of arrogance, gullibility and laziness on the part of the reader. These “rational” people may not believe in the esoteric or the mystical, but they sure do believe in articles containing the words “Scientists say …”
Humans have an interesting tendency known as conformation bias, a cognitive bias that causes us to favour information that confirms beliefs we already hold. Confirmation bias inclines us to filter out or ignore information that contradicts what we have already made firm decisions about. It has its uses. Confirmation bias helps us feel safe by creating a sense of certainty and stability. The problem comes when something in our lives is very broken and the change that is required involves re-evaluating or adjusting our beliefs. In that instance, we need to be open to new ideas and viewpoints. Because we associate safety with stability, we often want a particular life circumstance to change without anything else in our lives changing, particularly our views and behaviour. The thing is, if nothing changes – nothing changes. You can never know with 100% certainty if anything is true unless you have experienced it yourself, and part of increasing your ability to unfuck yourself is to trade in some of the safety that comes with certainty, for the empowerment that comes with being open-minded and having an increased tolerance for uncertainty. It’s a balance. Feeling