Not By Chance By Choice. Desmond Richardson
could see my future playing out right before my eyes. Not only did I have everything I wanted, I had a plan for my future. But that plan would start to shift a little bit in a few months. I would start to feel strange inside me. Emotions that I never thought possible would come over me. I would feel empty and unfulfilled. Why these feelings? I would ask myself. Everything I could think of I had. Anything I wanted I could get, but distress was in my spirit. Maybe I just needed to enjoy my life a little more, so I sat down and did a few numbers. I noticed that if I had gone to school and graduated with a degree, I could make the same amount of money I was making with the three jobs I had. The numbers intrigued me, but I knew I paid no attention in high school. I never thought I would say school was a good, choice for me but I was tired of living in this same circle doing the same things every day. I had to expand who I was and the only way to do that was college. I would think to take up business as my degree plan. I was well acquainted with numbers, but I did not have an understanding on how to run a business.
A New Beginning
This new plan came about in a matter of days, but I had a pending problem. Why am I empty? The jobs I worked were easy, I didn’t stress, and I could do whatever I wanted. Maybe my heart was blinded by success? Maybe I took a wrong turn? These where complex questions at the time that I had no answer for, but I did have two options: change my life, or do the same thing year by year. It sucked not having and education. I saw mental blocks that I could not explain. My emotions had me believe it had more to do with life than saving money. Ongoing battles at night with my emotions would cause me to call out to the Creator, but not in a humble way. I was frustrated, and in my frustrations, I cursed the Creator.
To have everything and feel incomplete was a trick in itself. I knew pain, but pain from emptiness was a different type of battle. Emptiness is a sickness I did not foresee, so I could not plan for it. A few months would go by, and my emptiness would consume me. Being empty was a terrible way to live. And knowing that my past way of thinking led me this way sucked even more. I needed a new mentality.
Then Tom would come to me about enrolling in school. He would choose to attend a Bible college. I laughed at him. I wanted him to stop putting faith in an invisible God. Tom needed to see life for what it was, and I couldn’t help him. After that, Tom and I debated a little longer, and we headed over these twins’ house. The twins were two beautiful young women Tom and I wanted to get to know. Even though my heart was empty, I still had a soft spot in my heart for women. I would try to hide my emptiness by hitting on women. Once Tom and I got to the twins’ house, their brothers were standing outside. I was forced to talk to them. I was confused about their relationship because the brothers were white and the sisters where black.
They would explain to me that the Gospel of Jesus is why they called themselves brothers and sisters. I paid them being brothers and sisters no mind after that. I directed my attention to Kim. She was the best looking of the two twins. Kim and I would sit down on the concrete and talk about a multitude of things, then I would overhear Tom talking about the Bible. I did not know what to think. Tom always used that Bible to hit on women. I would laugh at Tom, but Kim’s brother, Paul, was a man who really claimed to know the Creator also. Tom and Paul would conversate back and forth about Jesus. I could not stomach Tom and Paul’s conversation any longer, so I joined in.
Question on Top of Question
“Who is God?” I asked Paul. Paul answered me and said, “The Savior.”
I laughed because I didn’t need to be saved. I just wanted answers about this world. I had a multitude of questions about life and why certain things came to pass. More importantly, I need that hump back in my life. I felt dull and empty.
It was something about Paul that intrigued me. I questioned him further.
“What did Jesus save you from?” I asked Paul.
In short, Paul said he felt empty and unfulfilled. I was startled by what Paul said. I smiled inside me and let the conversation die, but Paul started asking me questions about myself.
“Why do you not believe in Jesus?” he asked.
I did not want to get into every reason why I did not believe, so I kept my answer short.
I told him, “It was too many ways to believe in a God so I chose not to believe in one. Who is to say who is right?”
Paul told me that was a stupid answer I gave. I looked at Paul and thought to myself I should slap him, but saner thoughts prevailed.
“How did different races come about?” I asked. Paul told me that he couldn’t answer that question, but the Gospel can.
I laughed aloud this time and said to Paul, “If I asked half the questions, I had about life there would be no answer.”
“Ask another question,” Paul said.
I felt like he was antagonizing me at this point, but oh well, I was bored.
“Who causes rain to come and gives grapes in its due season?” I asked Paul.
Paul would respond and say “I cannot answer that question, but the Gospel can.”
“What is the gospel?” I asked. Paul wanted me to keep asking questions, but he never gave answers.
The conversation started to get weird, and I was not getting any answers about who God is. Finally, Paul told me the Gospel is the good news of the Bible. Paul and I both thought it would be wise to stop the conversation we were having and continue our discussion another time. We all exchanged numbers that night.
Two days later, Tom, Paul, and I would meet up at Applebee’s. Paul brought a friend with him named Aaron. We all sat down and talked about what was going on in our lives that week. We spoke about the good and the bad that was going on in our lives. Then Paul went to the bathroom.
Aaron asked me who I was and what I liked to do. I told him about my life and things I had or had not overcome. Aaron told me a story of a man in the Bible named Zacchaeus, and what Zacchaeus did when he walked with Jesus face-to-face. Zacchaeus gave all his riches and earnings back to the people whom he had robbed. It was an impressive story on how Jesus changed someone, but I told Aaron the only reason Zacchaeus did what he did is because he met Jesus face-to-face. I continued talking to Aaron. I started to hear about all the great things that Jesus did for others and got frustrated. Paul came back to the table, and Aaron shared with Paul what we were talking about. Paul started telling me about his little brother and how his brother was willing to work at a meat shop to spread the gospel. I looked at Paul and Aaron and started shaking my head. I told them they were crazy. We conversed for another two hours then left.
Answers on Top of Answers
I went home and started thinking about the conversation I had with Aaron and Paul. The people around Aaron and Paul walked in the Lord differently than how Tom and my friends did. I was lost in thought for a few days and decided to text Paul. I did not have much time to text, so we set a time to meet. Paul lived down the street from where I worked. We meet at Paul’s school, and Aaron would accompany Paul. We all greeted one another and talked about our week. There was nothing new for me but crossing paths with Erica/Aaron and Paul. We were all interested to see what turn of events would take place with these meetings.
Since I had never heard anything about the Bible, we started straight at the beginning of the Bible. I learned about how the Lord made days turn into nights, gave harvest in due season, and gave us animals to tend to. More importantly, I learned Adam and Eve had seen the Creator face-to-face. I knew that to dwell and learn directly from the Creator was a blessing in itself.
I asked Aaron and Paul, “Why, in this life, are we not connected to the Lord in the manner Adam and Eve were connected to the Lord?” Then, they spoke to me about the fall of man, how Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. “Damn!” I said. Now I see why humans must die.
Aaron and Paul would rebuild the story of Adam and Eve in a way I could understand why Adam and