Let Sleeping Dogs Lie. John R. Erickson
leaned on the fence and threw his light around the garden. It revealed a, shall we say, dismal scene of tomato plants, radishes, lettuce, turnips, and other young vegetables tromped flat on the ground by unknown forces.
Then I heard Loper’s voice. “Holy smokes, my wife is gonna kill somebody! The coons must have . . .”
The light hit me, punched me right in the retinas, kind of hurt. I squinted but held my head up high and gave my tail such a big sweeping wag that I got a piece of tomato plant caught in them long hairs out near the end, had to reach back and pull it off with my teeth.
It was still hanging from my mouth when I heard Loper say, “Oh no, I don’t believe this. Hank, you idiot, you nincompoop, you moron!”
HUH? I glanced at Drover. He had disappeared.
“You pea-brained, manure-headed, sewer-dipping, ignert, garden-destroying, barking-all-night, sorry excuse for a cowdog, GET YOUR TAIL OUT OF SALLY MAY’S GARDEN!!!!”
What . . . how . . . but I . . . now hold on . . .
I heard him pump a shell into the chamber and figgered the time had come for me to sell out, never mind the explanations. I made a dive out of the flashlight beam and took aim for the feed barn.
Just then the rain hit, and I’m talking about hard rain, fellers, big drops and plenty of them, buckets of water, raining down snakes and weasels and pitchforks. I made it to the feed barn just in time, slithered through that place at the bottom where the door’s warped, and crawled inside.
In other words, I escaped serious wetting by a matter of seconds.
That’s the good part of the story. The unfortunate part is that Loper and his shotgun, shall we say, didn’t escape serious wetting.
They got drenched, soaked. But that wasn’t my fault.
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